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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Having to leave my job because of the people :,(

70 replies

horriblebosses · 09/02/2014 08:39

I recently landed my dream job but am now feel so low I'm thinking of handing in my notice (which will also spell the end of my ten year teaching career from which I have love every second).

The person who I have replaced is making my life hell. She has left but is in constant contact with my boss and the team of four people who I now manage (who love her). In the four months I've been there she has reported me to my boss on numerous occasions (based on hearsay from the people I manage who ring her everyday i.e. I'm not helping them with their workload), she has also stalked my twitter and told my boss I posted an 'inappropriate' photo of students on a geography field trip (just digging in a field) I tweeted saying how much I was loved my new job. She also contacted the administrator of the department (by phone) who I really get on with to tell them i'm not up to the job and I wouldn't even be there if it wasn't for her (she was on the panel).

I spoke to my boss and she said to have a meeting with the people I manage and tell them to stop contacting her, that it was unprofessional behaviour and that I was their manager now and we have to move forward as a team. i did this but then got an email only the next day (Friday) from the person I replaced saying they had rang her and told her and who did I think I was to bring this up in a meeting and again, do I realise I wouldn't be there if it wasn't for her.

I am usually such a strong person but feel so beaten down and exhausted by this I just want to leave. I can't see it getting any better as I cannot stop the people in my team from contacting her constantly. I've spoke to my boss, spoke to them, nothing has worked and I can't see a way out. I gained a lot of praise for my teaching in my last job and I love it so much but since starting this job my confidence has literally ebbed away.

OP posts:

PenguinBear · 09/02/2014 08:45

I would log all this with your union and see what they say.
I would also contact SMT within the school/college and ask for their advice. It does sound dreadful and quite unworkable.
Also, log every single incident with a date and time plus who was involved and what was said and happened.

gordyslovesheep · 09/02/2014 08:46

it sounds like senior management are supportive - you need to keep talking to them and reporting her actions.

Block her e-mail, block her on Twitter

Also please talk to your Union and get support

WeGotAnnie · 09/02/2014 08:48

This is ridiculous, unprofessional and bullying behaviour.

I second the advice about contacting SMT and your Union.

RedHelenB · 09/02/2014 08:50

Give it time - sounds like she still needs to be in the loop but this will fade. Just carry on doing the job you are doing - I have no doubt your boss is getting annoyed with the extra hassle she's creating too!

Nerfmother · 09/02/2014 08:51

So how are people responding to her input?
Are they ignoring it and telling you or are they allowing her to undermine you?

KeinBock · 09/02/2014 08:51

Why did she leave the job in the first place?

SapphireMoon · 09/02/2014 08:54

Copy emails from her etc to your boss.
This needs dealing with and so do the people you manage.
She needs to get a life and stop harassing you!

Original poster

horriblebosses · 09/02/2014 08:55

Nerf, they are is constant contact, they are good friends. I have seen emails where they talk about me but as it's my first management role I just thought 'you can't be liked by everyone' and tried to develop a thick skin but i'm finding it difficult.

Kein - she got another job where she lives but is not enjoying it at all

OP posts:

Coconutty · 09/02/2014 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SapphireMoon · 09/02/2014 08:57

The people you manage are being unprofessional too and your boss should help stamp on them.

MairzyDoats · 09/02/2014 08:58

She sounds unhinged to be honest. Can you email her back and threaten to report here for harassment? Wtf does it matter that she helped to recruit you, she has left and it's no longer her problem or responsibility! Toughen up and take a firm, hard line with her and with the members of your team. Sounds like they might be a bit scared of her too?

Nerfmother · 09/02/2014 08:59

In that case what sapphire moon said. Log it and start thinking about what support you need to stay.

magoria · 09/02/2014 09:00

If she has left the company then get IT to block her emails etc from getting to you.

Block her from any personal non work social media.

Sit down properly with your boss and as if he has any issues with your performance.

If he does what help and support do you need to perform to expectations.

If not then an official meeting with your team where you explain officially that if the have problems they bring them to you', HR or your manager not an ex employee who cannot do anything about it.

Tell your boss and HR that you are being harassed and bullied by this person. If they allowed this to continue via the work place you will be taking it further with an official complaint. Reply to her email stating none of her business and if she doesn't stop you will make a report to the police as personal harrassement.

Katz · 09/02/2014 09:01

I would start a mantra, she had her way of working, I have mine. If you don't like it tough.

I'd take this higher, the SMT need to know what's going on, if they don't already,

If she's not liking her new role she may well be hoping you leave and she can come back.

Coconutty · 09/02/2014 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scrounger · 09/02/2014 09:03

As she doesn't enjoy her new job maybe she is trying to push you out so that she can then ride to the rescue.

Agree with the other suggestions, your manager needs to do more to support you on this.

TeamWill · 09/02/2014 09:04

they are being very unprofessional and in my place of work they would be disciplined for discussing work matters and involving an ex employee.
Coconutty they have every right to contact her as a friend but not to discuss/involve her in work matters.
Contact HR and your union and file a formal grievamce.
Why is this person so invested in her old job - something strange going on here.

whattoWHO · 09/02/2014 09:05

Katz I think your last sentence could be spot on.

mumofthemonsters808 · 09/02/2014 09:14

Please don't throw this opportunity away and leave. I'm sure things will settle down given time. Give yourself a timeframe (at least 6 months) and then review your options.I find it very strange that someone who left the role still has any involvement and is actually bothered/interested in what you are doing. The only situation I can think of where an ex employee would have some clout is if they left reluctantly due to health reasons, even then, this involvement would be limited. I'd also avoid any social media for the time being (simply because this is her vehicle to observe). I would request another meeting with your manager and be very clear that you need to establish some boundaries with this person and being very blunt and harsh seems to be your only option and see what they advise. Even though this situation is awkward and difficult, you will handle this, it will not damage your confidence, it will enhance it (it will also make a great example for a job interview when asked about conflict management !!!). Good luck

Original poster

horriblebosses · 09/02/2014 09:14

If she does want to come back, the way i'm feeling at the moment she is welcome to it.

Not sure how to go about disciplining the staff when, like you say, I can hardly say "Stop talking to such and such" - it just sounds so playgroundy which is one of the reasons i'm struggling/they're getting away with it.

OP posts:

YesIcan · 09/02/2014 09:16

Do ALL 4 ring her daily? Why has she left?

Leo35 · 09/02/2014 09:16

Some great, practical advice for you from other posters. I too am wondering why she thinks harassment of new postholder is a good idea.

Don't carry on alone with this, it is a very unusual situation, so your line manager and union reps etc should help support you through this time. Your line manager doesn't appear (from your post) to have got a handle on how bad this is. Good luck.

Original poster

horriblebosses · 09/02/2014 09:23

The people I am managing ring her everyday - sometimes about work related issues - though I have asked them in this meeting to direct these at me in future - and other times friendly - they are all very close friends. They meet for drinks etc. at least once/twice a week.

I get the impression she thought she was irreplaceable as she did very well in post in terms of data (though I have learnt was in disciplinary from the way she spoke to students - not with my current boss though who has a lot of respect for her and is in email with her contact too).

OP posts:

TeamWill · 09/02/2014 09:25

You have already had a meeting and asked them to stop their unprofessional behaviour - log this in writing in a letter to them ie meeting held on x day ,outcome of meeting and future expectations, what will happen if this behaviour continues( this bit is vital) copy to their files and HR .
They are are now breaching these expectations and so it becomes a formal process .

cashewfrenzy · 09/02/2014 09:25

I wouldn't say "Stop talking to X", I'd say things like "I'm afraid you now report to me and I will not tolerate your unprofessional behaviour" and "I am your manager now" and "This isn't the playground, so how about you start behaving appropriately?" and "X no longer works here, here is what's going to happen ..."

Lots of smiling, totally blank any mention of X, and don't be scared to lay down the law. You're in charge here and it's actually the staff who are the problem. X is behaving dreadfully but she is outwith your control. Start taking charge and treating her with contempt and disinterest. She should be embarrassed by her inappropriate and childish behaviour, keep that in mind always.

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