..to now have serious doubts about relationship counselling/Relate

[BlitheringIdiot]

Hello folks: possibly an odd question, but hopefully one some of you might have some input for. I have now had one friend and one relative go for relationship counselling (Relate and independent) where the counsellor appears to have had a strong bias towards the male partner. In each case it has led to a worsening in the relationship (as the bloke has taken this confirmation that their wife is a total bitch who is the only one with a problem). With the close friend, this appeared to help fuel an escalation to full-blown DV. With the family member, it wasn't much better, frankly.

Are these isolated cases, or is there some sort of intrinsic issue with this type of therapy?

I know, possibly silly place to post about this but I'm feeling quite angry but can't really vent without betraying some confidences.

Surely tales of 'I know x number of people who went to relate and they all split up' isn't that damming?

You don't tend to go to relate if all is hunky dory in your relationship and naking the decision to end the marriage could be a positive decision rather than a signthat relate failed them.

I have seen a relate counsellor with dp, two infact, the first one we onky saw for a few sessions as she was crap! She fixated on the fact I was bfeedimg ds1 who was 14mths snd blamed all our relationship problems on thst.. dp repeatedly told her bfeedimg wasmt an issue amd imfact told her of the who guidlines when she said he was too old to be bfeeding...

The next one was fab, we asked to swop.

But I habe heard lots of negatives about relate, I think its just luck.

I went to Relate with my fiancé for a year. The councellor condoned us getting married despite his EA, verbal and physical. He was sentenced for assaulting me a year after we got married and we are getting divorced. I am still struggling to understand why the councellor was so positive about us getting married.

I think ComposHat does make a valid point in that sometimes couples work towards a break up if that's what they want to do.

On one occasion I terminated sessions with a couple when it became apparent that there was an imbalance in the relationship. I signposted the husband to individual counselling at his request when I said I couldn't see them again.

I trained in couples counselling in addition to my original qualification and it cost me quite a bit of money. I'm saddened that so many people have had negative experiences.

Should say ds2...not ds1.

Anywau she was awful.

But our secomd one was lovely and very helpful.