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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have blown my top...

15 replies

jenniferalisonphillipasue · 08/02/2014 13:21

2 of the dc (Middle 2) have a sports activity on a Saturday morning. This morning I took my eldest ds to a different activity as a one off. We got back and went to the sports centre where both my dh and other dc were and found that both dc were clad in inappropriate clothing for the activity. My dd also had a jumper on backwards and her hair which needs to be tied up away from her face was everywhere. They looked a complete mess.

Saturday morning is normally my dh's responsibility. However I am normally there and we share getting them ready although he is perfectly aware of what they need.I said to him that I was frustrated by the situation today. He immediately gets his defences up and rather than acknowledging why I might find it frustrating he turns it round with a "nobody died" type response.

I am a SAHM and do have pretty much full responsibility for the organisation of the dc. We both go out in the evenings quite regularly. If he goes out I clean up after dinner, do homework and get everything ready as normal. If I go out he will tidy up after the dinner I have made but nothing else gets done unless I leave specific instructions or do it on return.

Saturday morning is the one morning I don't want complete responsibility. Am I being unreasonable to think that he is actually capable of getting them ready properly and to a certain standard and if that has not been achieved I am allowed to say so?

I really blew my top with him and whilst I know it is petty it is just the frustration that I always have to be in charge.

OP posts:
Catsmamma · 08/02/2014 13:26

how old are the children...presumably old enough to put a jumper on the right way around if they are out at organised activities??

although i think this is probably about more than unbrushed hair and a back to front jumper.

everlong · 08/02/2014 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MothratheMighty · 08/02/2014 13:34

I'd have been annoyed too, with him and depending on the ages/skills of the children, possibly with them.
But don't take over, otherwise it will always be your area. Make a detailed list, pin it on your notice board and say 'next time, do this'
No you shouldn't have to, but it defuses the situation and clarifies what needs to happen.

Original poster
jenniferalisonphillipasue · 08/02/2014 13:36

My dd is 6. She has some kind of brain freeze when it comes to getting dressed. She always has some item on backwards or inside out or shoes on the wrong feet. We generally do a check before she leaves the house.

It is about more than that. I feel that I always have to take responsibility. I don't mind during the week but one morning per week I would like not to be the one that has to do this. I thought we were together in that process however on the first morning I am not there our children go out Inappropriately dressed. Then when I have the audacity to mention it I am told that I am unreasonable and it's not the crime of the century. I am just v frustrated. My dh wouldn't go and play his sport in thick trousers and a baggy jumper so why does he think it's okay to send dd like that.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 08/02/2014 13:39

You're the SAHM that usually does everything ? well then 'nobody will die' if there sudenly isnt any clean shirts for his lord and master on a morning Wink

MothratheMighty · 08/02/2014 13:43

He's being a plonker, and doing the teen thing of redirecting the blame so that it isn't his fault. Which is inappropriate in an adult, annoying in a teenager.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 08/02/2014 13:46

YANBU. Sounds like he's got so used to you facilitating everything that when you're not there, he doesn't realise he has to step in. Very odd though that simple logic wouldn't have dictated their clothing was wrong. And sad that the kids missed out due to his can't be arsed parenting...

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/02/2014 13:53

Slapdash. If he thinks it's no big deal remind him "Nobody died" next time he carps about you not moving the seat back after you drive the car or using his razor to shave your legs.

If I go out he will tidy up after the dinner I have made but nothing else gets done unless I leave specific instructions or do it on return.

I used to do that too, before I rethought it - fix DH a meal on my night out, fair enough feed the DCs but why do we do that? Or stand dishing out dinner on an average evening when I'd have been happy with a bowl of cereal only for him to say, patting his stomach, "Oh not too much for me, thanks, I had a big lunch out?"

RhondaJean · 08/02/2014 13:58

Can you specify what you mean by inapprriately dressed.

If they were capable of carrying out the activities they went to dot hen fine.

No one ever died from a back to front jumper. No one ever died from unbrushed hair.

Homework should be the childrens responsibility not the parents.

He got them there, did they do the activity they were supposed to do, if so let him and them get on with it. If the children get pulled up about wearing the wrong thing they will be fast enough to get him to deal with it himself, if not there what's the issue.

Blowing your top is just you taking the responsibility back for what happens on a Saturday morning. Let them get on with it. Someone else will say soon enough if it's an issue.

Original poster
jenniferalisonphillipasue · 08/02/2014 14:10

They did get to do the activity but there is a reason you wear appropriate clothing. My dd was wearing velvet trousers and a jumper for a dance class. They have a uniform which is a leotard, and leggings if it is cold. They wear these clothes because they enable them to perform their movements properly. They have their hair tied off their face so they can see what they are doing. I can get over the hair. I know he is crap at doing it but I was really embarrassed to turn up and see me dd dressed like that in a room full of kids who are all wearing their leotards. We have a leotard for god sake, it might not have been laid out but it will have been around. We have been doing this for nearly a year.

OP posts:
MothratheMighty · 08/02/2014 14:18

She's 6?
Old enough to have a dance bag that she uses then, like her PE bag at school. If her kit is in one place, she knows that's what she wears on Saturday mornings, and could point it out to dad.

twopeasinapod · 08/02/2014 14:29

Did you actually 'blow your top' or just tell him that you were frustrated?

Asking him why he hadn't dressed your DD properly and expressing frustration would be reasonable but blowing your top would be a ridiculous over reaction.

Original poster
jenniferalisonphillipasue · 08/02/2014 14:42

I told him I was frustrated. I didn't shout and I wasn't really angry but there was a tone of frustration in my voice. This was when I arrived at the sports centre.
It was his dismissive response that annoyed me so I brought it up when we got home. He had no empathy towards why this was frustrating for me only that nothing terrible had happened and I was unreasonable towards him. That is when I blew my top.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 08/02/2014 14:49

Spell it out to dh.
Write a list, as others suggested.
Put all her stuff in dance bag, as suggested.
YANBU.

RhondaJean · 08/02/2014 15:23

So, she got to do the class, if she's bothered at being the odd one out she will make sure she has the leotard next week. If she isn't bothered and he isn't bothered then honestly, just let it go. It doesn't matter.

If he'd taken her ice skating in a swimsuit you have a problem.

I don't know why women persist in thinking minor things like this are a reflection on them. Why would you be embarassed?

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