Grandparents and Drink

[shirefolk]

Hi,

This is my first post here and it's a dilemma I'd like some help with. My parents are divorced and my mum is remarried. My daughter who is five goes to stop with them but her step grandad has a problem with drink, we have had it out with them about this and MASSIVE arguments about it. We agreed that she could stop if they didn't drink, our daughter has now mentioned that both of them drink whilst she is there and has been told not to tell us. I am understandably fuming, but would like some advice on how to approach this situation. I tend to be as subtle as a brick through a window and my mother has a habit of defending her husband despite what he does. Please help.

Drink how much?

It depends what you want. I'd be extremely cross about the coercing my child into lying. If I were you I would not say anything about it but if they ask for her to come again just calmly explain your DD won't be staying with them anymore.

1. They went against what was agreed between the two of you (no drinking).

1. More seriously they encouraged your child to lie to you- which is awful and must have been very difficult for your DD to deal with.

What a shit situation for you.

And is it just him, i.e. does one of them stay sober?

I agree with Calloh. Telling your child to hide something from you is totally unacceptable, quite apart from the drinking issue.

I would also be telling them calmly but clearly that my child would not be staying there by herself again.

Are both of them drinking at the same time or do they each drink on separate occasions? I'd be livid if there wasn't at least 1 sober adult to deal with a crisis if one arose.

And that question aside, I'd be very annoyed if someone told my child to lie to me.

they have gone against your wishes and asked your daughter to lie, that is unacceptable my dc would not be staying there again

Telling your DD to lie is unforgiveable. It is just not something I could forgive.