was i unreasonable and should i have done this?

[mattsmadmum]

Last night was the school disco. At 10am a friend txed me to ask if my dd was going, i replied yes and did her dd need a lift if so let me know by 4pm as i need to arrange childcare whilst doing the run as its my other dcs bedtime. At 3pm she txed back saying no lift needed and was just checking. Just as we were leaving she called to say could i now pick up dd from disco and drop her home-her ex p was taking her dd but wouldnt pick up as he now lives 8 miles away and it would be 10pm cold dark and wet.
i said no as my dsil was babysitting and needed to go. Friend lives 4 miles out of my way but often give her lifts. Dsil went nuts! saying i should have done it as not fair on friends dd who could miss out on the fun. In the end friend got bus with her other dd 8 and picked up herself. I feel bad but should i?

Yes you should have done it. You never know when you will need a hand in a crisis and if you've a reputation as someone who steps up and helps out then you will get lots of help from others when you need a hand. This is what I tell my DCs and I've found to be true in my own life.

I think your DSIL reaction maybe because she's surprised that you don't automatically think like that? 'Do as you would be done by' is what most people learn as children TBH.

Crikey - if this is how you treat friends....

i would have done it (if i could drive!), feel bad for your friend and her poor 8yo just reading this.

You should definitely have checked with SIL if she could stay for another 15 mins or so (or less, 4 miles shouldn't take that long!)

so yes YABU to have not at least asked.

Yes you should feel bad! 4 miles! good grief, some people on mumsnet never seem to want to put themselves out even the tiniest little bit to help others.

4 miles is nothing, maybe 15 mins extra driving there and back, so yes I would have done that

Yabu. I wouldn't have needed to think about it, would have said yes instantly to the friend.

It's nice that she wouldn't have minded, but it's not your place to presume that she would feel that way.

Asking the SIL would have cleared that up. I assume that SIL was there as the call came in (op said she was about to leave) so asking SIL if she minded a few extra minutes waiting would have cleared it all up. No one I know would have objected to waiting a little longer so a kid could get home safe & dry & at a decent time.