Oh dear.
Long.
My DD is 15. My ex MIL (her Gran) wants DD to phone her. I've left the phone number in DD's bedroom and DD has already written Gran a thank you letter for her xmas present. Gran has phoned repeatedly (about 16 times) without leaving a message and once again she left a very cross message for DD to phone her.
Now, read this before you reply...
I wasmarried to exDH for 9 years and we discussed children before we were actually married. After 7 years he shagged me when i was asleep and boom... pregnant.... And a single mum as he didn't want anything to do with DD. men would come to the pram and coo over her saying "is she yours?" he would say "no, it's hers" , he went to a party when i was in labour with DD then complained to the midwives that he was tired. He was 34. Not 16, 34. He didn't tell his parents that i was pregnant. At 20 weeks we went to stay with his parents. His mum said i was getting fat. I said no, i'm 4 months pregnant. She phoned me at work a week later accusing me of going behind his back and said it was his job to tell them i was pregnant, not mine. I cried in the loo.
When DD was almost 2 i left him. He had never acknowledged DD's existence and i knew she would go mad if we stayed as she was getting excited when he came home from work only to be crestfallen when he ignored her. His contact demands for the divorce were " whenever i want, whenever i want, when it's convenient for me.". The last time he saw DD was a week before her 2 nd birthday, the day i moved out. She is now 16.
I stayed in touch with his DPs as my own parents divorced and i know how crap it is to lose grandparents like that. She would see them once a year and stayed with them a couple of times. I remarried and now have a wonderful new DH who treats DD like his own and has said he would die for her. We also now have a DS.
At age 11, DD was suppsed to stay with dgp for a few days but they cancelled at the last minute. DD was devastated. We live 400 miles away so i used to drive DD down for lunch with them, then drive home. Inlat did this 2 years ago.
Since then DD has had bullying issues at school and has self-harmed. We've been through CAHMS and she's now in a good place and looking forward to a new start for 6 th form. In counselling it came out that she has nomdesire to see her biological father at all.
One last thing. I now have a DS. IF HE EVER treated his wife and child the way my exDH treated my DD I WOULD KICK HIS ARSE and demand that he lives up to his responsibilities. I wouldn't create a monster who had to be bribed with money to put on a suit for his own sisters wedding, the way they did him.
Gran phones once a year to speak to DD. if it was my own mum then i would dial the number and put the phone to her ear. But i don't have to. My mum is there for her everyday, for life, just not for christmas.
ExDPs are getting old and may die in a few years. I don't think DD will miss them. But for own consciences and to do the right thing, should i make her phone her? But who is the right thing for? I actually say that the right thing is to stand by my beautiful sweet girl who's had a crap hand dealt to her in life rather than 2 people who only want to talk to her when there's a mince pie in her hand.