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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to email my high flyer cousin?

24 replies

blackblazernightmare · 04/02/2014 17:20

Basically DH is stuck in a dead end job. The pay is ok, but they're always making people redundant, it's an industry in decline, and eventually he will get made redundant too. We know this.

He wants to sidestep into another area of the same industry which is growing and growing. Trouble is he needs training and experience, which his current employer won't give him. He's tried applying for lesser paid jobs in this part of his industry but he's up against graduates 10 years younger than him and it just isn't happening.

Anyway, was chatting with my dad recently and he just happened to mention that my 2nd cousin, his cousin's son, has just been made head of a massive department in a huge national company that does exactly what DH is looking for. It's a really senior role he has recently taken on following a pretty stellar career.

AIBU to email him? To explain who I am and ask for advice for DH? I will be honest and say I met him maybe once as children. BUT my dad and his dad are in touch and have lunch maybe twice a year, and our grandmothers were very close sisters. He will know who I am when he gets the email if I send it.

I know it may sound creepy and stalkery but we need a break for DH - advice please?

OP posts:
Melonbreath · 04/02/2014 17:21

Yanbu. The worst you'll get is a no.
I'd email asking if oh can send a c.v

LadyKooKoo · 04/02/2014 17:21

Do it now! You have nothing to lose.

Poledra · 04/02/2014 17:22

Ask for advice about how DH gets into this area of work yes.

Ask for a job, no Grin

The worst that can happen is that he doesn't have time to answer you.

eurochick · 04/02/2014 17:23

I think it is reasonable to ask for advice. As long as you don't make it awkward by asking for a job, I think it'll be fine. I wouldn't send a CV. Just ask if you can take him out for coffee/lunch to get some advice about how to transition into the industry.

sebsmummy1 · 04/02/2014 17:23

I think you have nothing to lose. If nepotism didn't exist half of Parliament would be unemployed.

WhyIRayLiotta · 04/02/2014 17:24

Absolutely YANBU do it now!

BiscuitMillionaire · 04/02/2014 17:26

Yes, ask for advice. People generally like being asked for their advice, it makes them feel good to give it. You could ask if he'd be happy to look over your DH's CV with any advice on how to market himself.

barnet · 04/02/2014 17:26

Definately get in touch asking for advice, ask him to look at a great CV you have ready. People like to be needed and to give advice.

MaxPepsi · 04/02/2014 17:28

Email.

Life has always been a case of who you know, not what you know.

Fingers crossed.

Crowler · 04/02/2014 17:30

This is how people get jobs! Do it. Good luck.

GingerMaman · 04/02/2014 17:31

I would and if he is half decent he will help you out, one way or the other Smile

Trapper · 04/02/2014 17:32

Ask for advice and suggest a meeting, maybe ask if high flier (HF) will review CV.

HermioneWeasley · 04/02/2014 17:34

Agree to ask for advice and maybe a CV review. As a high flier your cousin will know the value of networking and hopefully be happy to help

StumbledintoMayhem · 04/02/2014 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magimedi · 04/02/2014 17:38

Go for it. Blood is thicker than water, at the very least you should get some advice.

And let us know what happens, please.

JapaneseMargaret · 04/02/2014 17:41

I would definitely contact him, but give it a bit of thought before you whack off an email.

Think about the best/most affective approach, word it well/properly, and try to come across well.

It's all in the approach.

nessus · 04/02/2014 17:41

I did what biscuit recommended to a niche industry recruiter I came across on LinkedIn last weekend and he got back offering a meeting for this week. I see him on Thursday!

Do it!! Not asking for a job but for advice on getting ahead and a CV appraisal.

blackblazernightmare · 04/02/2014 17:43

Thanks all. Yes will ask for advice rather than a job - would be great if he could help dh get his foot in the very hard to open door! Will let you know what he says though will feel a bit mortified if he doesn't reply!

OP posts:
sisterofmercy · 04/02/2014 17:43

Most men would think nothing of networking and asking someone they are distantly connected to for advice/coaching/mentoring. You could break the ice and then your husband could perhaps have a chat. But make sure DH is totally up for it first.

HildaOgden · 04/02/2014 18:10

Before you do anything,make sure it is what your husband wants.After all,it's his life.If you go ahead and try fixing him up,so to speak,without his say-so then you might run into trouble.

blackblazernightmare · 04/02/2014 18:11

No, he's totally on board with me emailing! I wouldn't do it otherwise.

OP posts:
Poppy67 · 04/02/2014 18:13

Shouldn't your dh contact this cousin? I think it is weak that you would contact him - you are grown people. It makes your husband look far from proactive, more of a mummy's boy.

ShoeSmacking · 04/02/2014 18:20

Personally, I would definitely email but I would start by getting my dad to mention to his dad that you are going to get in touch. Lay the groundwork as it is. Then send a note. Ask if dh can take him to lunch to discuss options. Then leave them to talk. Thank him nicely. Also, if he turns out to be a nice guy you may also have a new family member to engage with generally!

newyearhere · 04/02/2014 21:02

By all means write a brief email asking if it's OK for your DH to get in touch. Start by being friendly and asking how they other person is, and maybe complimenting them on the job they now have. But then back right off and leave the rest to your DH.

I agree with others that your DH should offer lunch. No-one wants to get the reputation of someone who only gets in touch when they want something, so offering lunch is at least an offer to return the favour to some extent.

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