To think that married couples should not 'celebrate' Valentine's day?

[fadingfast]

It all seems a bit pointless to me, although to be honest I was never much of a fan even before I was married.

I would rather just do something to mark our wedding anniversary, but we always seem to end up giving each other cards in a rather half-hearted effort.

What do others do? Am concerned I might just be a cold-hearted and wizened old bag.

[Elsiequadrille]

"I always thought the tradition of Valentines day was to declare your hitherto undeclared feelings. Surely if you are married or in a long term relationship it becomes a bit pointless?"

Me too. I always thought it was all supposed to be vaguely anonymous, the card sending and so on. Most fun during school and college days I recall (except for the 4ft teddy bear I received once )

Though yabu. Dh usually buys me a nice gift

[TamerB]

You don't have to stick to what it is 'supposed to be'- you can make it your own. People should do what they like and there is no reason for people to pass judgement on what others do.

[ISeeYouShiverWithAntici]

I dont give a stuff what others choose to do but i have never celebrated it even before i married because i find it the least romantic thing in the world to engage in romance because its that time of year again and everyone does it.

[echt]

If it's pointless, OP, then why give your DH a card? If you prefer to celebrate your anniversary, then raise it with him.

You don't seem to like it, but the "should not" element of your post rather implies passing opinion on others' behaviour. Unnecessary.

[TamerB]

I love your posts yoni -

[differentnameforthis]

We don't do it anymore, mainly because we don't need a specific day to declare our love etc..

I don't see the reasoning in saying that married couples shouldn't celebrate though.

[GhettoFabulous]

When did it stop being about secret admirers and turn into a couples thing? Some point in the nineties?

Anyway, my Beloved and I will be watching the director's cut of Robocop, original version. And having curry. This is all my idea.

[Helpyourself]

I like Aelfrith's style^
(Waaaay up thread- celebrate everything)

[GhettoPrincess001]

We are going on holiday next week. My husband is pleased that the last Friday of our holiday will be Valentines Day. That's so romantic.

We travelled overseas to meet my future in-laws in February 1994. I thought as we were engaged we wouldn't bother with Valentines Cards. We had stopped in Singapore en route to New Zealand where he gave me a Valentine card. To my embarrassment, I hadn't got him one.

I was then scratching round the market stalls of Singapore to buy him a Valentine Card. Which I gave him.

It was so obvious I had got it earlier that day !

I have made it my business to never be, 'caught out' like that again !
On St Valentines Day, I give him a bottle of wine, he gives me red roses/flowers. We both get to enjoy the wine and the flowers.

All the while it's a free country is all the while we will be doing this. Sorry, 'no Valentines for married couples nazis' but I believe in democracy.

[following]

sorry fading i take back what i said yesterday , i went to get a birthday card and the whole shop was decked out with hearts and flowers , couldnt get a decent b/day card as all the space was used for the naff crap , had a word with dh and we are not going to bother with all the commercialised expense of cards, flowers and meals out anymore , we will celebrate on our anniversary it means more.

[DrCoconut]

We're going away that weekend. But we were going anyway and taking both DS's so not really a couple break.

[FuckingWankwings]

People can celebrate if they want, and ignore it if they want. YABU to say that people 'should' not celebrate it.

[dexter73]

I don't mind that it is commercialised bollocks - so are Christmas, Easter, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Halloween, Bonfire night, and I enjoy them. I still love getting a card from my dh and we have been together 24 years. I think it is just a bit of fun.

[bopoityboo3]

We don't bother. Never have as don't see the point. Much rather celebrate a date that is specifically special to us like our wedding anniversary rather than a date dictated by 'tradition'.

Though my parents do and they've been married almost 40 years - think it's more to do with my dad working away a lot and sending mum flowers at any opportunity as he misses her.

[Aelfrith]

Thanks helpyourself!

It started when we had a year of beareavemnts, failed house moves, job disappointments etc. We began celebrating anything that went right, even if it was just us surviving another month or two without going mad. Over the years it's really helped me (naturally depressive person) to focus on the positives. It's not so much the gushy cheesy romance it's the 'bloody hell, we've survived another year, we're still together and they've been no major disasters' type of celebration.

[cory]

GhettoFabulous Tue 04-Feb-14 07:42:26
"When did it stop being about secret admirers and turn into a couples thing? Some point in the nineties?"

If you're talking about the 1390's, then yes possibly. It's at least as old as the 15th century. Probably before. This idea that everything is the result of modern consumerism is...err...a very modern idea.

Present-buying is at least as old as the 17th century (Pepys did it), but I am sure one could dig up older evidence.

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

We don't think it means anything so we poke fun at it. £15 limit for funny tacky gift, and we don't go out or anything.

[MissBattleaxe]

YABU.

Married people can do what they bloody well want.

If choosing to do something soppy makes them happy and puts a little romance into a light-hearted day, then I don't see why a rule should be made up about it.

Equally, if you wish to ignore it totally, you are at liberty to do so.

Saying married people shouldn't celebrate it implies that you shouldn't be romantic once you are married or that there is some sort of rule about it when there isn't.

[ashamedoverthinker]

Well we just see it as an excuse to go for a nice meal, which we do sometimes anyway.

I have booked ours at lunchtime to take DC in a city centre winebar type place who are child friendly. I used a groupon, it has champagne and it is on the 15th.

If we were staying in we might have a nice meal and wine.

[formerbabe]

I hate valentines day. Nothing worse than sitting in a packed restaurant with a crappy set menu, a wilting rose wrapped in cellophane with other couples, half of whom are there out of an expectation that they should do something romantic.

[RufusTheReindeer]

We don't celebrate valentines day

We get something nice to eat and may watch a soppy video or one from our romantic past....and believe me that's past past!!!

Don't do cards and presents but we don't for wedding anniversaries, birthdays or Christmas (Christmas may change in the future)

Husband is afraid that if he buys me flowers I will assume he is having an affair and I will kill him before he gets a chance to say "these are because I love you"

[KatoPotato]

Awwww I dunno... I would never buy DH a card with a message written by a stranger, we always used to make each other one for years before DS came along. We don't have the time anymore to put in the required level of effort to make it good, but I have a scrapbook full of old ones.

DH told me he loved me (and I did too) on V'tines day 2002 so I do still like to mark the day and PiL's usually take DS over the weekend so we can do something.

[Apatite1]

We mostly ignore it. My husband buys me flowers on random days anyway, so I'm not bothered about getting them on valentines day.