to expect my teenage DSs to keep their bedroom tidy

[JustHowItIsToday]

DSs 16 and 19 - both working, nice lads.

But they seem unable/unwilling (combination of both, I think) to keep their bedrooms tidy (or even just tidyish) . I would just like them to close drawers and cupboards, hang their coats up rather than throw them on the floor, put dirty laundry in laundry basket not floor, put rubbish in bin rather than on floor. Not much to ask.

I know they should be able to do this by now, and I know I'm a rubbish mother because I haven't taught them tidiness from a young age, and I know I shouldn't have kept tidying their rooms for them.

But now I really want them to be taking some responsibility and I've talked with them about this, but they seem happy to just live in squalor.

I never allow food or drink in bedroom for a start.

I always taught DC to tidy her room (as much as she can as she has special needs) but shes even tidier than I am and Im tidy!

however, teenage hormones a=plenty and shes starting the clothes on the floor and stuffing socks and knickers down the side of the bed.

unforch its a fact of life and I did the same for a while when I was a teen!

I had this battle with my minging adult ss who used to live with us. He too would just wash/tumble dry one item if I tried a washing ban if he didnt put it in basket. So I removed both fuses - simply clicked them in and out and kept in my purse between 'official ' washes. That loud wail when he went to wash his football shirt ( that had been on his floor a week ) two hours before he needed it , was most satisfactory - Hahaha.
He would also use every last cup or plate from the kitchen instead of bringing out one of the selection in his room. So I hid all the spare plates and cups and just left him one of each out whenever we went away. Sometimes even if we weren't going away I would hide them anyway between meals and just wait for the entertaining sound of him whinging as he fruitlessly opened the kitchen cupboards before finally having to concede and get one out of his room and wash it.
You just have to beat them at their own game and outwit them.

ha yes the university rooms, I made the mistake of going to one once- I cleaned the toilet and sink before I used them. It would look to outsiders that that I hadn't taught my boys anything about cleanliness etc.

They're growing up and need to experiment a bit to find out what their comfort level is regarding tidiness etc.

My level is very different to my mother's. She may think that makes her a bad mother- for not having taught me her standards- I don't necessarily agree. (and I'm 50 btw, so not a young teen). As long as the experimentation happens in their own living space and not in shared spaces, and does not ruin your belongings or endanger family health, I wouldn't fuss.

I was rubbish at keeping my room tidy as a teenager. I got the tidy bug when I left home. I don't think this is uncommon.

I don't mind some drinks (water, milk, tea) or sweets in DS's room but no other food is allowed. Nothing gets washed unless it's in the laundry basket in the bathroom. I do change his bedding when I do ours. I shove the vacuum cleaner in through the door as far as the first pile of mess & that's it. No dusting. He knows I'll clean his room if he tidies it so it's up to him. I don't mention it.