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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell my colleagues to swivel when they next ask me for.....

55 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 03/02/2014 01:52

money for a collection?
we seem to have collections for every one and every thing at work - and i give to them freely provided i have the money.
last year a colleague had surgery - they did a collection
last year a colleague was ill - they did a collection
same colleague left the department - they did a collection
a colleague had a baby - they did a collection
another colleague had a baby - they did a collection AND baby shower
another colleague had a baby....collection
a colleague got married.....collection.....

4 weeks ago i had fairly major surgery. ill be off work around 8 to 12 weeks.
now, due to the fact im a bit of a hand wringing guardian reading hippy im not the most popular person at work.....(there is a certain "culture"....and i most certainly dont fit it....i used to just keep quiet but now i tend not to......)

i drove the 60 miles tonight to take in my sick note and save my supervisor the trouble of coming out to see me.....
2 people asked how i was out of 7.
i didnt even get a card.

so. the next time i get asked to contribute to a collection would it be so unreasonable of me to tell them to fuck right off to politely decline and thank them for their non existent get well card?

these are people who are supposed to have my back covered when things go tits up.....and dont. i have gone to pub fights at 2am on my own to find the only back up ive had is from another group and my supervisor....

ive no real idea what the issue is and im beyond caring too much....i get on really well with everyone else except a few of the group i work with, a couple of which are really nasty bullying types who use put downs to get laughs and hide when work comes in.....

i stopped attending anything outside of work when one of them took the piss out of my husband because he is a quiet and shy. i dont even go to the xmas party now....

im not really bothered by any of this but i feel a point to prove coming on when they ask me for money for the next occasion......

unreasonable? or not?

OP posts:

AngelaDaviesHair · 03/02/2014 11:03

I never do emoticons, but
for you Vicar.
Keep fighting the good fight at work, and stuff the collections.

Littlegreyauditor · 03/02/2014 11:33

I tend to find that the prime drivers of work collections will be a particular clique. It is vital for their sense of being the "popular" ones that they have a collection every time one of them takes a shit. They don't care about anyone else, the purpose of collections is to make them feel validated.

I worked somewhere for 8 years, was one of the longest serving members of staff and paid in to literally hundreds of co workers collections for cards, cakes, balloons, leaving dos. When I left I got a card in the post afterwards from a few people I was close to. No collection. No leaving do. Not even an acknowledgement of me going. They even forgot to pay me my last wages and I had to fight them for it.

I had bought several boxes of Lindt chocolates as a goodbye present and left them at reception for everyone to share. When I left without anyone even saying goodbye I though "fuck yis" and took them all home with me.

I hate cliquey arseholes who, at the age of 45, still act like they are in school or some variation of Mean Girls.

StrawberryCheese · 03/02/2014 11:33

I agree, tell them where to stick their collections!

We have had several people leave through VR recently and last week 9 envelopes were waved in my face for money collections. Most of the people I didn't know at all. I just passed them along empty to the next person. People who are receiving a redundancy payout do not need my wages, especially if they don't know me.

Wishing you a speedy recovery. :)

Mineisthefinalword · 03/02/2014 11:44

I may have to change names after this...

Some years ago I joined a department where they had a lottery syndicate. I was explicitly not invited to join in as it would be 'too difficult'. Fair enuff. Really good for team morale (not) but heigh ho.

Anyway after a while they had a nice win (nothing they could all retire on, unfortunately for me, but around thirty quid each very nice) Anyway they clubbed together to buy the syndicate administrator a box of chocolates. Also very nice. I cannot tell you how much pleasuie it gave me to say 'I don't think so, do you?' when they asked me to chip in.

Hope you are very much better very soon Vicar, but tell them to fuck off as far as they like then as far as they don't like!

Mineisthefinalword · 03/02/2014 11:46

I will defintely have to change names after this, but I transferred departments and in the course of my employment there I was the beneficiary of a collection for a big-0 birthday, getting married and leaving. Even I felt I was taking the piss a bit!!

Custardo · 03/02/2014 11:47

I think we work in the same place

It it wrong of me to unnecessarily rattle the change worth approx. 30p out of my purse and hastily shove into accompanying collection envelope in mad hopes it sounds like a decent some of money for the person who has temped at our place for three months

falulahthecat · 03/02/2014 11:55

Always depends on who the 'starter' of the collections is. Is the same 1 or 2 people who always start these thing? If so, it's probably just their 'favourites' that get them.
I hate these too, luckily at my last job everyone was lovely and understood if you were broke, even if you just chipped in 50p so you could say it was from you too it was fine.

I would definitely do what others have suggested, and make sure that smile is extra sickly sweet!

falulahthecat · 03/02/2014 11:56

Custardo please tell me that's not true! I think 30p is about right - 10p for each month 'served'?

KatnipEvergreen · 03/02/2014 11:59

I'd be honest. I've been asked to contribute to a collection and turned it down on the basis that I don't know the person. If I actually know and like the person I am more than happy! Have also been known to sign the card and not give anything - donation is just that, not obligatory.

RandallFloyd · 03/02/2014 12:06

Can you not ask to change rotas Vicar?
I know there's a chance the next one will be the same but there's also a chance they night not be. If it's got that bad I reckon it's worth a shot.

I know the culture you mean, my friend was stuck with a bunch similar sounding to yours when she had to move stations once, but in every other rota she's been on the good usually outweigh the bad.

Sorry to hear about your op, hope you're feeling better soon

GlitzAndGiggles · 03/02/2014 12:09

It was the same at my last job. I got fuck all for my bday but was expected to chip in £20 for the princess of our work so we could get her a sodding Tiffany bracelet. I politely declined saying my child is more important and that I never see the princess colleague in question so wasn't happy contributing so much and left it at that. She never got the Tiffany bracelet. Oh and I got a pair of £5 earrings for my leaving present

GlitzAndGiggles · 03/02/2014 12:10

And speedy recovery btw!

Joysmum · 03/02/2014 12:35

I always opted out saying I preferred to get my own card etc

FryOneFatManic · 03/02/2014 12:55

I once worked at a workshop where the manager retired and a collection was sent round (with an implicit "you must contribute"). This manager had been pretty much universally disliked.

When the envelope was opened, a rather large number of nuts, washers, etc, were found with very little actual cash.

Senior staff ended up putting their own hands into their pockets to add a reasonable amount of money.

FryOneFatManic · 03/02/2014 12:57

And where I work now, we just do a card, no collection. I'm in charge of this, and I have a list of all the members of our team and dates, so there's no missing someone, or favouritism.

CatAmongThePigeons · 03/02/2014 13:04

YANBU, spunds like my ex-p's shift. Fucking asshats, the lot of 'em. Do go the PA route as Chaos said.

Telling someone to swivel has to be the best non rude insult ever.

expatinscotland · 03/02/2014 13:07

I wouldn't give FA to any more collections.

ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude · 03/02/2014 13:09

Wishing you a speedy recovery Vicar - You will soon be back in the saddle.

yourlittlesecret · 03/02/2014 13:15

Get well soon .
Vicar you sound lovely, I've seen you on other threads.I hope you don't mind me saying this but you seem to be in the wrong job. Would it transform your life if you could get out of there and do something else?

Hattie23 · 03/02/2014 13:19

First time they ask you for money, reply "oh is this for my collection?"
Then do that head tilt / sweet smile thing.

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 03/02/2014 15:49

oh ive got my reply ready! i like the idea of asking if its for my collection....they are just a shower o'bastards. (with the exception of a couple of em....)

cant ask for a transfer, too many possible changes ahoy for it to be granted at this point i think....rumours of numbers being rejigged etc.

i actually dont mind the job - im quite good at it - (big head! ha) but its just the people i seem to have been saddled with.

the group that follow mine are lovely - i have more of their phone numbers than i do my own lot! They stick up for me when chief bully is being an arse....they shut em up in their tracks the other week which was very satisfying!
bully is universally disliked by everyone except the lot im with....they brought something into work the other week which lasted about 2 days before it was sabotaged by other groups....i howled laughing....i asked who had done "it" and got told no one could possibly say..... photos were taken........

i used to think it was me that just had a hard time fitting in.....but i think most people would have a hard time with my lot

i can honestly say that it no longer bothers me and i quite like just getting on with my own thing.

while ive been off ive been flooded with thank you emails from other departments with regard to stuff i worked on before i went off. which is nice and affirms that the job isnt the issue....

i will carry on in my own sweet way since its doing me no harm....

the only problem is the next collection will be for a colleague i actually like.....not sure how to say no to that one.

OP posts:

AngelaDaviesHair · 03/02/2014 16:19

Say no and do something off your own bat for nice colleague.

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 03/02/2014 20:12

doh!! brain not engaged - course, i can just get my own card and gift.

OP posts:

SauvignonBlanche · 03/02/2014 20:20

Fuck 'em!

Mia4 · 03/02/2014 21:28

YADNBU OP, your reply is great- will you update on AIBU when you use it with their reaction?

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