To think I was in the right and everyone else in the wrong...?

[falulahthecat]

I had the strangest conversation on a genealogy website about a 10 year old girl being married to a 30-something miner in the hills of Kentucky in 1938 - so her parents could live in her new husbands house instead of the makeshift hillside cave home they were in - her mother had changed her age to 15 on the license for the purpose of tricking the vicar etc. They also had an older daughter. One person said "I would do it if it meant not living in a cave" - I politely suggested maybe she rethink the phrasing as the 10 year old did not exactly have a choice and was then attacked for 'judging' people of the past - "You don't know what it's like to live in a cave" etc.
I said I could never condone any behaviour like that for any reason at any time, especially with an older daughter 'available' - "She might not have been available she might have been married", ok, so there are 2 grown working men and they still can't cobble together rent for a wooden cabin without 'swapping' their 10 year old daughter/SIL?
I then said I know young brides were not unsual pre 18th C, a historical house I worked at had a 17thC countess twice widowed by 16 - but that was the 1670's, not the 1930's. This was met with "It was 1938, the year before the war (?????) and after the depression".
Then I was chastised for 'judging' again, and informed that the marriage would 'probably' "not have been consummated until her menstrual cycle started anyway" < well, my menstrual cycle started aged 10 - and I sure wasn't ready for married life, or pregnancy!

It was just so weird, all I did was suggest someone rethink "I would do it if it meant not living in a cave" when referring to giving their 10 year old daughter away in marriage and lying to say she was 15 (she was described as shy, 70lbs and 4ft 8, so sad!) and I got attacked by about 10 people for not empathising. One literally said "Whoa, are you judging them for this?"

Sorry, but my family lived in Croydon 18th-20th C, often 8 living in 1 rooms, with only one working man in the household, and this didn't happen?!
I've since left the group, because I couldn't get my head round it.
AIBU to think that they were all being a bit weird?

TBH bebanjo I'd forgotten all about your comment until you brought it up again.

The point is, you took my comments out of context first, and then tried 'tough love' - and it failed.

In the NICEST possible way. Move on

I think people conveniently gloss over the fact that "arranged marriage" actually means "child rape" and that selling your 10 year old to someone who wants to rape a10 year old is not the kind of life worth living... Even for a new house.hmmmm

Try to forget the horror of what giving birth like was for an adult woman then let alone a 10 year old.

And yes, I judge. It was already unacceptable back then which is why they lied about her age

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Thanks for summing up my point - it was wrong, THEY knew it was wrong, the people in this group were trying to justify it and say it wasn't that bad - it was. I feel better now someone else has said it.
time.

I would judge the family for selling their daughter and the silly cow who would consider doing it today.

I don't understand this idea of not judging people from the past. Yes, people had different moral standards when it came to certain things but this family knew what they were doing was disgusting and wrong ( hence the lying).

We judge people like Hitler and Stalin. Why only judge some and not others?

Feeling saner