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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my DF is becoming one of those parents that make my parenting life hard?

24 replies

Crazyasfeck · 02/02/2014 22:32

By setting the bar high?
DF has just bought her 3 DC (10, 11 and 14) iphone 5s on contract.
I'm not going to hear the last of it from mine.
She lets all of them watch 15 films as well.
I am resolute with the "in this family, we do things this way blahblah", but life would be so much easier without a close friend making life tricky.
AIBFU?

OP posts:

anothernumberone · 02/02/2014 22:34

How is she making your life tricky by buying iPhones for the kids - I am genuinely puzzled? The over 15s video games is ridiculous and no one should do that.

CoffeeTea103 · 02/02/2014 22:35

Yanbu, your children will be more grounded and appreciative in the long run. Stick to your guns.

jstsrsos · 02/02/2014 22:36

Oh she sounds like a twat.

Original poster

Crazyasfeck · 02/02/2014 22:42

Because, anothernumberone, mine can use the facts that their friends have one as a way to whinge at me.
I do say no, obviously, but when a close and respected friend does it, it's just in your face, iygwim? Not some random classmate that could be bollocks, anyway.
Films, not games.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 22:44

All kids have friends that are allowed things that they are not and it's not always bollocks.

It's just one of those annoying things really.

Original poster

Crazyasfeck · 02/02/2014 22:46

I didn't say it was always bollocks.
Yeah, annoying. Just more annoying when it's a close friend.
She things technology has changed and this is the norm now.

OP posts:

Pigsmummy · 02/02/2014 22:46

Great parents don't do that. Sit back and watch

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 22:48

No I know you didn't.

I meant it sometimes is total bollocks but occasionally it's true.

Once they get old enough to visit their friends, it can be an eye opener to see what other kids have/don't have.

So I'm guessing it'll even itself out and your kids will realise they also have things that some others don't.

ManifestoMT · 02/02/2014 22:49

I did this when I only had one pfb. I made the mistake of buying these lovely flowery sequiney shoes. £35 part of a happy lets spend of my bonus on rubbish.
I didn't know anything about lelli Kelly's .
I got bollocked by my bf , with 2 dd's
I got bollocked of my new friends at nursery
I got tutted at by new friends at play school .

Sigh I honestly didn't realise
People still say know about those bloody shoes,

anothernumberone · 02/02/2014 22:50

Right but there will always be things some children have and others don't. I simply do not have the money for iPhones for my kids, if I did I might consider buying them if I thought they would be beneficial. It certainly would enter my head that was making some ones else life tricky. I mean if your kids have any old phone themselves then chances are you are making someone's life tricky too.

Parentingfailure · 02/02/2014 22:50

If she can afford it what's wrong with that. Des right, technology has moved forward and this is the norm. Don't we want our kids to have the best we can give if we can afford it? She obviously can.
That's no reflection on your parenting. We can't all have what others have got.

anothernumberone · 02/02/2014 22:50

Would =would not

ManifestoMT · 02/02/2014 22:51

That was
People still mention, even now, about those bloody shoes

Theas18 · 02/02/2014 22:52

Just stick to your guns. " this is what happens in our family" and keep repeating it..the kids will get the message. Don't rubbish her for it but give reasonable explanations eg " goodness we can't even justify new iPhones for mum and dad I'm afraid - the money we earn only stretches so far- and we all have phones that do the job that we need them for " .

There are loads od reasons why I'd disagree with your DF parenting strategies, and she might not be a "d"f for long tbh! And your kids will probably see through the Disney parenting before long too....

missymayhemsmum · 02/02/2014 22:53

Was once very embarrassed when dd told her friend 'well my mummy says your mummy must have more money than sense...
Now think it was a useful phrase to have taught her!

Redcliff · 02/02/2014 22:55

This must happen all the time - my son wants SKY (or sky believe in better as he calls it) as his 2 best friends have it. I said no every time he asks - he had stopped asking now. Just stick to your guns.

Migsy1 · 02/02/2014 22:56

Surely, your children have other friends who don't get these perks?

Starballbunny · 02/02/2014 23:06

DD1 will get an iPhone when her contract runs out, she will be 16.5.
She hasn't lost or damaged a cheap contract smart phone, an iPod touch or a lap top.
She is working really hard for her GCSEs! ie Altogether she will have earned it and she can work out exactly what it costs!

I have been known to let DD2(almost 13) watch films that are 15 for sex (not violence) because she isn't going to learn anything she doesn't already know.

missingmumxox · 03/02/2014 00:07

Sounds ridiculous these days but in the 70's girls wore long white socks, I would get 5 new pairs every sept for school and by Jan the elastic had gone and they where gray from washing, I used to say , why can't I have new socks all my friends have new socks, we had zero money and I did not have a lot of the same things as children in school but I really felt new socks should be obtainable.
My mums answer was always, you have clean socks a knickers every day ..wtf???
It was only at 19 when I left home, I realised what she had been saying, I ran out of underwear and joking mentioned the underwear fairy didn't exsist, on the confused faces if the lovely middle class girls around me, I explained I had no clean underwear, and slowly I gathered they would wear it for several days...
Then I understood that I might not had had stuff, but my mum had shown me her love by laundering, their mums by buying new.

"You can't always get what you want, But if you try sometimes well you might find, You get what you need"

midnightagents · 03/02/2014 08:30

"disagree with her parenting stratergy"?! Ay? None of your business what other people do is it?keep your beak out.

I disagree with your concern for what everyone else is doing, just because you choose to parent one way doesn't mean everyone has to. This is part of learning and teaching tolerance and difference. Yes OP you should stick to your guns as that is what you think is right for your family. But you can't honestly criticise your df parenting, as it's none of your business. You would probably hate if you though df was saying "OPs such a stuffy strict mum, she doesn't let her kids play 15 games, poor kids".

I hate on this site the amount you see people criticising other people's parenting, IMO if it's not abusive or neglectful then it's not wrong, just different.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 15/02/2014 22:53

Isn't criticism of other parenting sometimes based in the fact that you're validation your praenting decisions, if others are wrong, then yours are right?

Just musing really.

deakymom · 15/02/2014 23:25

when i get whine i say bring a glass or get a job yourself nothing else will improve the situation we cannot keep up with the jones and why do you need a phone? go to the house and KNOCK THE DOOR if you want to speak to your mates is pretty much how the convo went with my 13 year old tbf she was reasonable about it she just asked if we could move house again to be closer to her friends

Chottie · 16/02/2014 05:32

Don't let it get to you. There will always, always be some one with more stuff than your DCs.

The most important thing is that you are a family and all love and support each other.

dramajustfollowsme · 16/02/2014 06:00

My SiL does this. I don't know what the kids school friends think but it must be hard.
My nieces and nephews get everything they want, straight away and always one each - no sharing.
It isn't a problem for us yet as dd is still young. I'm hoping there is too much of an age gap for it to become an issue.
My nieces and nephews are not good at sharing and have no idea about looking after their belongings. It makes me sad for them because they don't appreciate what they have. They see it as the norm. It will be difficult when they have to start funding this lifestyle themselves.

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