To expect others to keep my DC safe in their care

[shebird]

My DS has been out for the day at a friends party. The parents of the child were taking them all to the cinema. I asked about travel arrangements and was reassured that they had plenty space with 2 cars and sufficient boosters etc. What actually happened involved them all going in one car with no car seats some sharing seatbelts and some with none. Why would anyone put their own child and others at risk like this? I would never have said yes to the invite if I knew this was how it would be.

Do you know for 100% that is what actually happened? If so that's awful.

I have no reason to think my DS would make it up so I am fairly sure it's what happened.

How old is your ds? I think I would want to make sure the facts are def correct before doing / saying anything.

"Why would anyone put their own child and others at risk like this? "

If the ability was there to lend what was needed, then YANBU and a parent should never be lied to, about arrangements.

If it was a short journey, with the speed of the car unlikely to go above 40-50mph then I'm happy to waver the need for car seats etc.

But not everyone feels the same way. It's your child, so it should be your choice.

Yanbu at all. Seatbelts are a must for me and my children would never be in any car without one or a car seat if the child is at the age they require them. I would be fuming about it. When i was younger a friend's mum took some of us out and left me as the one without a belt, my mum went crazy especially as the woman had been involved in a terrible car accident where she lost her husband and son so my mum never expected it from her.

Yanbu. That is ridiculous. I would maybe give them a ring and explain what your DS has told you and ask if that's the case.

It's dangerous, not to mention irresponsible and illegal.

Accidents can happen on any journey no matter how short it is or how fast/slow u are going. It doesn't stop some idiot driving at ridiculous speeds smashing straight into u. A friend of mine really bugs me with "i always wear a seatbelt except in taxis" why, coz taxis are invincible??? Baffles me

Similar happened with my son when he was about 8. They had been going to the cinema about 15 miles away and apparently the 2 drivers were racing each other home, overtaking each other.

I couldn't believe how irresponsible some people could be.

I would be furious. Especially since I had asked.

I recently refused a lift for dd2 (and took her myself) because I was unconvinced by the answer when I enquired about car seats (was convinced she would end up on a seat only booster and I didn't want that to happen - she's only 6 and tiny with it)

Where does that mad theory come from Birdsgottafly?

it's unforgivable not to check first if that was ok with you.

dreadfully irresponsible with other people's children.

I had a car accident with another child and my DCs in the car. No-one was hurt, but the other child could have been badly injured if they had not seatbelt on. The thing that was so terrible in the first moments was my fear and guilt about the risk to that child, more than my own.

Birds - my accident was close to home, about 10 miles an hour

OP - YANBU

I have heard a similar story about the parents in the past,although not in involving my DS so I didn't quite believe it. I am very annoyed with myself as I should have remembered this when DS was invited.

I would be very annoyed, fuming intact and I would have to talk to them.and tell them to feel free to put there own.children at risk. but if they ever put my child in danger I will either
a) Kill them...
b) Report them to the police

That's exactly it New when I have other DCs in my care I am extra cautious as I just dread the idea of something happening to someone else's child. I just cannot get my head around this.

you know, I once posted on here about not being happy to let another volunteer parent about whom we knew nothing, ferry my Y3 DD to a school choir event, in bad weather, in the dark, in the rush hour, in winter - an hour each way on the motorway.

I was told IWBU and wrapping her in cotton wool and all sorts! I was laughed at for saying DH would be taking the afternoon off work to do it himself. I was told I was being daft because they were parents and would have their own DC in the car too. DH was pitied for having such a nagging wife (he was fully in agreement with my views BTW).

But I have seen how some people drive on the school run - on the phone, without correct use of lanes and indicators, with their own children incorrectly restrained. That's without wondering how well maintained some of their cars are.

YANBU OP, what you describe is illegal and reckless. That they lied to you is an outrage and in the event of an accident their insurance would probably have been voided because they were carrying more people than there were seatbelts for.

Even now my DC only travel with parents we know well, and the youngest one and his friends still use car seats. I also did not let any of mine sit in the front till they were 11 and in an adult belt.

There was a terrible accident near us a few years ago. It was a birthday outing, mum had a car full of children, she crashed and survived but there were fatalities among the children.

You don't take risks with other people's children, no matter what you choose to do with your own.

I think it's dishonest, uncaring, unsafe and thoughtless. The driver chose yo put your son at risk without your permission. I would be very cross.

there was one near us where the mum driving was also the teacher (so very aware of taking care of other peoples DC, right?) of her DDs friend who she was driving home - she went off the road and into a lake, they all nearly drowned. IIRC the girls rescued her from the car. Makes me shudder.

It doesn't bear thinking about
I guess accidents do happen and sometimes it's just unfortunate circumstances. The least I would expect when someone offers to take my child out for the day is that they would just do all possible to make sure that they are safe. I thought I knew these parents but obviously not well enough.

I had an accident with a friends child in my car. my dd and hers were both in appropriate car seats, but I felt terribly guilty about the bruise on her DD's shoulder. Not my fault, some idiot rammed the side of my car at a junction.