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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my ex h is a tight fisted twisted asshole

4 replies

minkersmum · 02/02/2014 14:00

My exh is now in a new relationship and has two children with his new p. He initially took me to court to try and arrange silly contact hours where by his son would be travelling 8 hour journeys twice in one weekend once a month with no consideration for his well being (he is primary school age)
He pays the bare minimum in maintenance despite being a high earner as the director of the company he can make it look like he earns much less. CSA told me this is a common scenario.

Last few years he regularly fails with the maintenance and when i mention this he tells me he 'ran out of money'. He has new cars, holidays more than 3 times per year, eats out a lot etc. No way he ran out of money obviously financially supporting his son is not a priority.

He never contributes to his school uniform, shoes etc as feels that is covered by maintainance money and even goes to the extreme of making my son change out of the clothes he has bought him at handover so they dont come home to our house.

Currently had a couple of months him desperate to leave when he visits our son in our area but when i bring son to him it is a fight to get him back at a decent time so we can make the long journey home. Our son has school the next day. When he visits at our place he oftens says he can 'kill time til lunchtime but sooner he can get down the road the better:. Is it just me or would this combination of stuff make your blood boil too. He is such a manipulative twisted shit I suppose I can feel glad I don't live with the bastard.
Grrr.........

OP posts:
VoiceoversSoundSmug · 02/02/2014 14:03

Sadly there are lots of arseholes like this around supported by enabling Woman who cry when he does the same to her and her children Hmm.

I think they get excited if they know it upsets you. Confused I seriously think the Men that do this have something wired wrong in their brains around the empathy part.

minkersmum · 02/02/2014 14:25

He has no consideration at all for how his behaviour might affect our son. He will will twist and manipulate situations and also our son. Makes me feel so sad/guilty that i chose a man like him to be my childs father.

Feels like he can do whatever he likes and yet if i pull him up on anything he causes a big fuss maniplulating things so to our son it looks like i am causing the problem. He is clever and devious.

My friends tell me to play him at his own game but I am just not the kind of person who finds making things difficult for other people easy. He on the other hand is selfish by nature and so finds suiting himself and feck everyone else pretty easy.

OP posts:
VoiceoversSoundSmug · 02/02/2014 14:41

Does you friend enjoy the drama of it all?

He sounds like there may be some dodgy wiring of his brain there. Many psychopaths brains show up in scans to have blankness where empathy would normally light up in "normal" people.

Best have as little to do with him as possible, he sounds toxic to your lives. You deserve a nice life and people to support you having a nice life.

RandomMess · 02/02/2014 14:47

I would just try and minimise the effect he has on your ds' life. Is it court ordered that you travel for contact? Is it court ordered that he visits ds at your home?

I would stick to the court ordered contact and expect nothing else, any requests for anything different "I'm afraid that doesn't work for me" end of conversation etc etc.

You can report him to CSA for variation - his lifestyle doesn't match his declared income...

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