To not go to my bosses wedding

[Noordinarygirl]

I will be getting an invite to my bosses wedding, which is on 12th July. I can't stand him but unfortunately I used to be quite close to his fiancé. There's lots of work issues involved here that stem from him being promoted in a very 'dodgy' way. I am a very principled person and the way that he got to his new position sticks in my throat. We work for a local authority and if local people knew what had really happened there would be uproar! He should NOT be in the job and the last thing I want to do is spend my hard earned cash on going to his wedding, which will involve an overnight stay as it's miles away. To make matters all the more complicated me & my partner and my boss and his future wife all work in the same place. How do I say 'No thanks' without upsetting lots of people? (I am having major surgery in 2 weeks and have will have a long recovery period with approx. 3 months off work plus 3 more months having to take things easy)

Listen, don't overthink it. Just do a bland "thank you so much for the invite, but unfortunately we have other plans". If you're pushed as to what your other plans are, you can say its a family commitment or another wedding etc. you all work together, so no need to rock the boat.

You don't have to give a reason. But if you feel you must then you simply say it clashes with a longstanding prior engagement and refuse to be drawn further.

Just make sure you 'book' another event in the calendar for that day which makes it impossible to go. "Oops sorry double booked, can't make it, hope you have a lovely day."
Make sure you do actually do something that day, use it as an excuse for an outing that you actually want to do & then if asked you can give a real answer, without awkwardness.
You can then side-step a awkwardness & the complicated politics & have a lovely day doing something else.

Why not book a holiday over that week?

Definitely don't go if you feel so strongly. Could you claim that a long journey and staying away is just not feasible with your surgery and recovery needs? Bearing in mind that at the moment you may have no idea what your needs will be medically by then... Honestly, you're doing them a favour by just saying it straight and not having to mess them around later when you can't go. Or something.

Is your partner in agreement with you btw? Just thinking if they might let slip something untrue, recovering from surgery is at least genuine and often unpredictable. Good luck.

no detail needed. Just say 'thanks, but have another engagement that day so hope all goes well'. If pressed for detail, just repeat. What you do in your own time is nothing to do with him.

can you whistleblow BTW or will that lose you your job?

I am having major surgery in 2 weeks and have will have a long recovery period with approx. 3 months off work plus 3 more months having to take things easy

There's your 'get out'. You've no idea how you will be feeling - would hate to say yes, then have to pull out etc etc.