To wish I had never intervened? (Aggressive neighbour)

[tiredbutstillsmiling]

Bit of background: been in my house 6 years (semi). Our next door neighbours have always had a tempestuous relationship. He "enjoys" a drink & we often hear him shouting at her, throwing things & her crying etc. He retired 6 months ago & the episodes have become more frequent. Last Nov I was at home in the day (bad morning sickness) & I heard the worst fight ever. I didn't know what to do. I actually posted on MN & the advice was call non-emergency police number, which I did. I asked to remain anonymous but obviously they knew it was me as we're their only neighbours.

Anyway fast forward 3 months & he has made our lives a misery. We've gone from having a distant but friendly relationship to the target of his hatred.

Some examples: I was vacuuming at 8.30am one Sat. He came round (still drunk from night before) & shouted at me on my doorstep for constantly creating noise he can't sleep through. I hear him shout "I'm going to get that bitch" through the wall. The latest incident was last night when he had parked across our drive so we couldn't get in. DH went round to ask if he could move his car. DH had a whole host of expletives thrown at him. Bare in mind DD (2.6) has witnessed all this she's now scared of this man.

I don't know what to do. Out house is on the market but as it's been up for sale for 2 years I haven't much hope we're moving soon.

Any advice welcome.

What a bastard he sounds, it must be bloody awful having to live like this.

Keep a log of every single incident.

Have

What a bastard he sounds, it must be bloody awful having to live like this.

Keep a log of every single incident.

Have

Sorry, bloody phone!

Have you spoken to the non emergency number regarding his behaviour and the threats you can hear.

Absolutely keep a log of every interaction with him. My strange but ok neighbour moved out and has been replaced with a bloody nightmare. Her kids are potty mouthed thieves and shes forever screaming and roaring or blaring music out. Can't wait to see the back of her.

No I haven't, I don't want to make things worse. At the moment it's just verbal but I worried if we involve the police again then he'd get violent or damage our property in some way. He's drunk a lot of the time & it's difficult to predict his behaviour. He actually denies the incident happening where he shouted at me on the doorstep - he's either a liar or so drunk he can't remember.

If you want to sell then you don't want to take things any further or it could hinder your sale. Might be best to let things die down - do you speak to the wife at all?

I have got issue with a neighbour but not aggressive like this it must be very scary. Please keep a log of everything we were advise by police to so this.
The house not selling is another issue- is it because of the neighbour have been declaring a dispute? Or is it not selling for other reasons- have you had feedback from your EA? We had our up for sale for a good 9 months we not much interest Switched to a different firm chaned the asking price to an offers over price and sold it for what we needed within 8 weeks maybe time to try another tactic? Then you can finally be away from that horrible man

I'd contact your local policing team and also the anti social behaviour team at your local council. He sounds like an absolute nightmare but you have the right not to be threatened even if it is verbally.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this We had similar problems with our neighbour, he was always aggressive, rude, verbally abusive etc. We were advised by the police to keep a log of all issues and any evidence of abuse e.g. text messages, records of conversations. It is awful living with someone who makes you feel nervous in your own home; some people just can't be reasoned with which is the worst thing.

Ours did eventually improve (although we had to press assault charges after he attacked my DH ) and things have now settled down. I hope things improve for you too and that you manage to move soon.

Thanks for the advice.

I was on good terms with the wife. Her grand daughter is a year older than my DD & she would look after her GD on the day I had off with DD so we would get them together. Now, however, she sees me as runs. I really wish I hadn't have got involved. Obviously she hasn't left him & never will so I've just caused trouble for myself unnecessarily.

Don't think the house not selling is because of a dispute - we haven't had many viewings at all. We're actually in the process of painting all rooms magnolia & making improvements & hopefully new pictures will do the trick. Already changed estate agents once.

newest that's awful that it had to come to that :-(

so sorry to hear this op. I am in a similar situation with a neighbour who lives opposite. keep a log of everything as others have said and ring the police if you feel threatened in any way. my delightful neighbour was waiting for me when I came home from work and rushed at me screaming shouting threats the works then made a grab for me just as I got in the door. then he tried to actually get in my door and even had a go at getting over the back fence before the police got here. he is a big bloke too, I was pretty scared I can tell you. police can't do anything until he actually hurts someone so it seems
Its a horrible situation and I feel a bit nervy putting the bins out etc but this is my property and this is my sanctuary and I refuse to let some loose cannon with anger issues to spoil it for me.
could you contact housing association or neighbourhood services? just so its logged and perhaps the police can put a flag on your phone number so when you call they can send them out quickly? because of the threats made by my neighbour my local neighbourhood services have offered window alarms- I won't repeat the threats here but suffice to say police are taking it all very seriously.
Does Dh work away ? are you alone on an evening? any friends that could come and stay with you? I am alone with Ds and a burly bloke from work has kindly given me his number to call if am ever threatened like that again. my bf lives two towns away so he is not able to get here quickly
that was a very long post! stay safe op.

I don't think you should beat yourself up about 'getting involved'. You would feel a lot worse if he had physically injured his wife.

You are now in a horrible situation. If you are trying to sell you don't want to escalate things to a full on dispute, but you need to protect yourselves. Can I suggest you try using a phone to record his abusive behaviour if you can do so discreetly and have a word with the neighbourhood policing team and flag your concerns?

flaggy, I feel guilty moaning when you're obviously having a worse time than me. I'm lucky that I have DH at home most evenings but in some ways that's worse as neighbour becomes more aggressive around a man. Neighbour is short & DH is 6' 2" so he feels the need to exert his masculinity at all times - we often hear how he "could take" DH but thankfully DH walks away.

"tired" ( how do I do bold?) that's okay, don't feel guilty, any situation like this is awful for anyone , specially when you can't escape because its happening where you live.
your neighbour sounds like a complete arse, perhaps he would like to assert his masculinity with my tithead neighbour and they can bash the living daylights out of each other? I would buy tickets.

Flaggy I am so sorry, that is terrible. These people make me so angry causing other good neighbours to live in fear.

Yes it was pretty traumatic at the time tired. The police officer who came to take our statement said he was known to them already, which didn't surprise me. Thankfully the female neighbour (whose flat it is) eventually got bored of all his shit and kicked him out so now we rarely see him except when he comes round to shag her loudly and keep us awake like last night grrr For a while though he made me utterly miserable in an otherwise lovely home.

Fingers crossed for you it settles down soon. And don't think you did anything wrong intervening initially, it shows what a kind person you are and you definitely did the right thing.

I really feel for you as I had very aggressive, unstable neighbours about 6 months ago, it got to the point where I was close to a nervous breakdown as it was the relentlessness of it all. In the end I was having panic attacks on the school run. I'm quite a robust person so these feelings were quite unsettling.

The police were useless and I distinctly remember after the neighbour threatened to kill us, the policeman asked us if we really felt we were under threat and if we really thought that we would've taken our children that night to a hostel! At that point I asked what hostels were available for families fleeing wanker neighbours and that it was highly unlikely that I was going to wake my children, one a baby, at 1am, leave my home and head for these hostels for people fleeing their neighbours?

Our neighbour would impersonate me talking to my DC all of the time as if I was some kind of cbeebies presenter, he told me I should go and live in a village somewhere and that we were 'heterosexual fucking arseholes'. The only thing that helped is that I decided to respond one night as I was fed up with being bullied. I heard him coming down the steps (i live in a flat) to have a drunken rant at me, DP was at a 'works event', I preempted his knock, opened the door and let rip verbally- he quickly ran back up the stairs. Things improved after that. However, we were lucky as we owned and he was renting. The leasehold management new my DP from his work as an Architect and luckily they were motivated to help. If they hadn't helped, my brother is a Lawyer and offered to talk to the leasehold mgt about the situation.

I would say record everything and try and record any verbal assaults on your phone. You need so much evidence to get things moving in my experience and this is what the Police told us when it started to become harassment.

living in fear is a good way to describe it newest. I've lived here over 10 years and never had any issues, tithead has been here since summer and turned the street into a scrapyard/ racetrack/ vomit box - and its actually his girlfriends house! he has his own place elsewhere, but lives here iyswim.
I am hoping she eventually gets rid of him or moves on herself in time and takes him with her. she is happy with him by the way, she backs him up whatever he does and will defend his actions loudly to anyone within screeching distance.
they cannot be reasoned with unfortunetly.

The 8.30am hoovering on a saturday morning would annoy me as well, its a bit early, his reaction was unacceptable

as others have suggested log every incident it is unacceptable to have someone being so abusive to you and your family, I would speak to 101 again and see if they have any other suggestions