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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let DH use my house keys again?

55 replies

meeroolla · 02/02/2014 00:16

DH is useless at taking care of his house keys and is always mislaying them around the house, or locking them in his car.

So he thinks it's ok to just help himself to my keys all the time, and then mislays them too. Which really pisses me off as I always look after my keys and make sure I don't lose them.

He's done things such as gone off on a 5 day work trip 200 miles away and taken my keys with him by mistake as he'd been using them (they had my car keys on too so I was stranded in our village with no car). He also always grabs my keys if we're going out and strolls off to the car with them (we always go out in my car as a family rather than in his), leaving me to 'lock up' with no keys. So I end up having to walk to the car, get the keys and walk back again to lock up. Basically he's totally thoughtless about it all.

He used my keys again this afternoon, and has now put them somewhere in the house and I can't find them to lock up to go to bed. He's been in bed for 2 hours and I've been upstairs and asked him where my keys are but he says he doesn't know, and then went straight back to sleep. So now I can't go up to bed until I find them, as our door isn't a yale type door, it just has a handle so you can get in from outside unless it's locked.

I know its a minor thing really but AIBU to stop him using my keys in future?

OP posts:

Suttonmum1 · 02/02/2014 09:16

Purchase very girly embarrassing key fob to put them on. Put pink plastic ends on all the keys.

Inertia · 02/02/2014 09:17

This is really very disrespectful behaviour. He is telling you that you are so unimportant to him that he would prefer to compromise your safety and make your life incredibly inconvenient for several days rather than spend ten seconds putting his own keys away. I would certainly not be allowing him to take my keys if he lost his , nor would I let him away with going back to sleep if the keys were needed to lock up.

Pimpf · 02/02/2014 09:22

I too would have kicked him out of bed. I know some people do lose things and can't seem to help it, but its his attitude that would send me into a rage.

Agree with everyone else, hide you keys from him, keep them on you if at all possible and never given them to him, if it inconveniences him tough shit, he doesn't seem to be bothered by inconveniencing you.

And if kicking him out of bed doesn't work, try a jug of cold water, that should do the trick

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/02/2014 09:27

A ginormous "Princess" key ring, preferably pink with lots of diamanté is what you need.
DH has never even looked at my keys since DD bought me it. Bearing in mind this is the man who has locked us in the house on numerous occasions.

wowfudge · 02/02/2014 09:30

Hmm - my OH is a bit like this, but it's that he can't find his keys. He's a lot better since we've had a keys in the dish in the hall 'rule'.

It strikes me that your OH just doesn't get it: why the hell is he not returning your keys to you when he's gone to work with them?

I would look into getting a security lock box for a spare set of keys for which only you know the combination, then when he does it again, you are not stuck. I would also separate you house keys from your car key. I have always done that on the basis that car keys are a darn sight more expensive to replace if you lose them and I don't always go out in my car so why take the key? OH on the other hand has a key to the shed lock and something else he just does not need with him whenever he goes anywhere. Pointless IMO but his choice.

wowfudge · 02/02/2014 09:31

The lock box would be sited somewhere outside your house btw.

birdsnotbees · 02/02/2014 09:38

I used to be like this and didn't think it was a problem until one day DH exploded and we had a huge row. Since then I make the effort to put my keys in the same place - I don't always and have basically had to "train" myself to be less absent minded. But actually it's great as I now spend 80% less time looking for them, shouting at various family members because I can't find them at critical moments and am not late because I've spent 20 minutes looking for them.

I know it's obvious but until DH told me I didn't realise - or perhaps didn't have to realise - what an arse I was being.

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/02/2014 09:42

I was thinking about getting a key ring with a massive dick on it. Just to remind him if he takes them again, he is being a massive dick.

DorothyBastard · 02/02/2014 09:50

Inertia has it. He is being disgustingly disrespectful of you. I hope you woke his selfish arse up to find the keys last night.

JamNan · 02/02/2014 09:52

What a pain. Get one of these maybe? lockable key cabinet with combination lock

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 02/02/2014 09:57

I wouldn't be seen dead with a giant diamante pink keyring either . That's the problem with a lot of the solutions to my mind, is that why should I have to inconvenience myself to retrain DH, eg keeping keys in my bag, when I only take it out with me about 1 in 4 times I leave the house (I want them on their hook in the hall so I can just grab them on the way past), using a big keyring that will make my pockets bulky etc. We have had quite a few rows about this and DH is now much better than he used to be. We also have a firm rule about only having a key to one car on any set of keys at a time since the time he lost a set with a key to each of our cars on and it cost us a fortune.

Janorisa · 02/02/2014 10:03

You are absolutely NBU...trouble is, everyone else can always see this except the person who needs to see it the most...

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/02/2014 10:05

I agree, my keyring is hideous. However, better that than FIL having to stage a rescue at 8am...

VikingVagine · 02/02/2014 10:07

It's her house, why the hell should she have to hide her own things?

DH used to do this with my keys, I would have had no qualms at all about kicking him out of bed to find the keys. I think you just have to be insistent about him not misplacing your keys until he gets the message. I made DH come home from work to find them once. We have a key hook on the wall and he now knows it's more hassle than it's worth to put my keys anywhere else.

He has done the same with my bank card and cheque book in the past too. , there's nothing quite like arriving at the till with an agitated 4yo in a full trolley of shopping, only to realise your DH didn't put your card back in your purse. He does all the shopping now.

MummytoMog · 02/02/2014 10:10

Don't get more cut - I had three sets of keys cut last month. We are now down to one set. Between us. Out of five.

Sodding idiot.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/02/2014 10:31

FWIW I most definitely would have made DH get up, TBH, he would have got up anyway as he is anal about locking up, hence us being locked IN

Original poster

meeroolla · 02/02/2014 16:27

He wouldn't get up. I'm so pissed off with him about it. In the end I found them in one of his inside coat pockets, all zipped up.

I'm not going to let him get his hands on them again, and am going to find a variety of places to hide them in the house. He can bloody well use his own in future.

OP posts:

KeinBock · 02/02/2014 16:34

YANBU!!! Mine does this, too. He is just as bad with other things - iPhone chargers are a case in point. I'll consistently keep one in the same place, so I always know where it is, while dh invariably loses his & before you know it, he's hunting for mine. It feels churlish to refuse to lend him basic things like keys, but he has such form for mislaying them.

MadderHat · 02/02/2014 16:50

You coudl get one of those child-wander-off devices and attach one end to your bag and the other to the keys - hey presto, huge alarm when he wanders away with them!

Inertia · 02/02/2014 17:08

Hide them in a box of tampons?

specialsubject · 02/02/2014 18:06

it goes 'please stop doing this, it makes work for me and I have enough to do'.

LoveIsTheDrug · 02/02/2014 18:11

Is that you, DH?

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 02/02/2014 18:14

He's being a twat not helping you find them and ywnbu to tell him no more keys. BUt I would also get a spare of as many of the keys as you can afford (including your car) just in case and hiding them for future (obviously don't tell him anbout it!)

ProudAS · 02/02/2014 20:30

Wear trousers with belt loops and pockets OP and keep your keys on chain and in pocket.

I'm thankful that my DH doesnt walk off with my keys but he doesn't really get the opportunity. He's a terror for mislaying his and if he goes out in ny car has to be reminded to put keys straight back in their place.

TheGreatHunt · 02/02/2014 20:37

Shout at him in the morning. Tell him he is a fucker.

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