AIBU to have got upset at (future) SILs behaviour

[mistressteabag]

DFs sister has been a pain the backside from the second she put herself forward as a bridesmaid.

We had to bring the wedding forward 6 months due to a close family member of DFs being seriously ill and they may not have made it to our original date. So we are on a VERY tight budget where every penny matters to get everything on the savings we had.

First off she moaned about the dresses after they were ordered ( this wasn't to my face but to DF) saying she would look silly in it. She had told me she liked them!

The second DF told her the dresses had arrived (Ebay China cheapos!)She pestered us to drop the dress off so she could see it. She decided she loved the dress and I thought that was the end of it. Then we had demands we pay for her to stay in the hotel as she has a wedding the day before and can't afford the taxi fair to get to the hotel to get ready, followed by if I don't pay for any alterations she needs she won't be a bridesmaid. I know normally the bride would pay but she knew our budget was limited and agreed to pay herself. Just for the record I've bought everything else and not asked her to do anything other than turn up.
She interfered over the best men, DF had asked his BIL and Uncle. Apparantly its a "joke" having 2.

So with 5 weeks to go I receive a text saying she's sorry she can't come to the wedding or be a bridesmaid and sh'll celebrate with us another day.

The reason for pulling out: she had an argument with 2 of the other guests and would be "uncomfortable" seeing them again. This argument happened FIVE YEARS ago! She's also seen and spoken to them since. These are lifelong friends of DF and he is adamant she won't blackmail him into un-inviting them

DF is obviously upset that his sister is refusing to come but has said he'd leave it up to her to decide if she's coming or not nearer the time. He was almost begging her at one point, I'm pretty sure this is the drama and attention she wanted. I feel she should be told not to come after the way she has behaved. I don't want to pay a huge amount of money for someone to decide if they're doing us a favour turning up on the day. There's also the possibility she may cause an argument.

So am AIBU for not wanting her there, should I just suck it up and hope she dosent cause anymore drama?

Maybe the invites had to be sent by owl post. Is SIL to be in Slytherin by any chance?

You shouldpay for alterations on her dress but certainly not for her to stay in the Hotel!

Tbf this is exactly why I didnt have any BMSs.

My now SIL was like this about our wedding. It's attention seeking. Sadly she still does it now and had created drama after the birth of each of our children too. She just can't bear that it's not all about her.

I don't think sister-in-laws should be bridesmaids. They're not your friend and its horrible for them if things get awkward. They just want to go to their DB's wedding because they love them. I was supposed to be bridesmaid for brother's wedding & pulled out last minute (21 & very immature) and then I was at another brother's, had a bad feeling about it all the day before (she rang me whining about me & DD not liking dresses) & now they're divorced :-( Steer clear.

Could you get the dress back and give it to the dog? Or the owl(s)?

Sil actually put herself forward as a bridesmaid, I wasn't bothered about bridesmaids but both his sisters were very excited and wanted to do it so I didn't mind. The other sister hasn't given me any hassle at all.

Owls- ring bearing owls! We had been engaged 30 seconds (well it felt like it!) When his DM started going on about having the perfect gift for us then bombarded us with youtube links to owls flying towards the bride and groom with the rings. I get unnerved by pigeons in town fluttering 20 feet away from me!

I started to panic about how we were going to get out of this when DMIL let slip she wasn't giving it as a gift, WE were to pay for it. Thankfully DF pointed out there's no money for owls so owl shit on my lovely frock avoided

My sister was a complete drama queen when DH and I got married. She came along to the dress shop, her dress was custom made to her specification but she still managed to moan about it when we went for fittings a few weeks before the wedding! I think she just loved the drama and attention (my MIL and Step-Mum both said it was jealously as the attention is usually on her - sounds the same in your situation). In the end I ignored her as much as possible and my MIL and Step-Mum did the same. She soon gave up on the drama when she realised no one was taking any notice!
If your SIL doesn't come I hope she at least returns the dress so you can sell it on ebay!

This sounds like my grandmother who, right until the night before my wedding was umming and ahhing about coming and trying to impose her own bizarre conditions on the day. We all pandered to it but if I had my time again I would just smile sweetly, say "oh well it's a shame you can't be there" and ignore it.

Btw she didn't come in the end- because she couldn't get her own way- and the day was no poorer for it.

Seat the dog next to the SIL. The dog should get to take a +1 and SIL is a bitch, so it works perfectly.

The chihuahua sounds like the preferable guest tbh.

I think your best course now is to say that you are disappointed that she will not be a bridesmaid as you had hoped and you will be making new arrangements. But if she finds her arrangements change, then she will of course be welcome as a regular guest.

(And you needn't spell out that your disappointment is rooted in her not behaving normally as you had hoped, nor give the slightest hint that her flouncing is a welcome relief).

That way you can leave DH to sort out if he wants to continue to persuade her to attend (as, unfortunately, it is probably better if she does) but you have closed off the possibility of her mucking up the actual main wedding group at the last moment. You might want to ask for the dress back to make that point even clearer. You might be faced with last minute changes to seating plans, but that's cope able with (whether for 2 or 4 legged guests).

Sorry, OP, I was convinced you were having is on about the owls, and was laughing at the whole idea of owl ring bearers, but having Googled, OMG!

Lol at the owl who took to the rafters of the Church and wouldn't come down for an hour.

I would just make it very clear to everyone that I didn't care either way.

Dogs aren't normally allowed in church. I asked our vicar

...you win. I've heard it all now!

YANBU. But my guess is she'll have some "revelations" before the wedding and be where the cameras are, smiling away.

Wedding owls and a fancy Chihuahua wouldn't mix well at a wedding.

Though I'm sure the Chihuahua would be a perfect guess and just sit on a lap all night. Reconsider? hopeful

Some vicars allow dogs. It's entirely at their discretion.

But unless an assistance chihuahua, it may well be barred from food-serving premises though so perhaps s/he might not make it to a reception.

YANBU She sounds a nightmare. I went to a wedding where a Sil of the bride demanded to bring a chihuahua, threatened that she and brides bro, her DH and their 2 daughters who were the adult bridesmaids would not come if the dog couldn't. So the bride conceded that the dog could come to the service but must be put away before the reception and meal. Sure enough the dog wrapped in white fur and diamente was still there through the meal . All the guests who knew about the drama were raising eyebrows The best man's speech began "ladies,gentlemen and family pets . Biggest cheer of the night!

She nominated herself as bridesmaid and is now threatening to not be a bridesmaid? Ooo, you must be quaking in your boots

OP, PLEASE keep us updated with your wedding dramaz. It sounds like there is much, much more to come

I bet a big owl could be trained to 'retrieve' a small dog. Just saying...