To not want pil to buy ds new shoes?

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Ds is 13 months old, he has been walking for 5 months but we don't often put shoes on him. We live in a country that is cold and snowy so does have snow boots but he walks outside maybe 3-4 times a week for 30 mins at a time, if he is in his pushchair I take the boots off and put thermal booties on him, he also has a very warm cosy toes. If we are at playgroup or someones house ds has bare feet as he is stedier with bare feet, if we are at the libary or shop he wears moccasins.

Pil bought ds some shoes, leather winter/spring type shoes, not suitable for the snow. They are the right legnth but ds has very wide feet, his foot is wider than the sole of the shoe.

The shoes came from a special shop near where they live (1000km away) so we can't just take the shoes back and return them.

Dp phoned fil and thanked him for the shoes but explained that they were lovely but unfortunatly didn't fit ds. Fil suggested that we gave the shoes to a friend and they would buy a couple of sizes up.

I don't think this will solve the issue as they were the right size but not wide enough, fil suggested we put ds in thick socks and shoes a few sizes too big.

I have no issue with putting ds in clothes that I wouldn't have chosen myself when family are kind enough to give him clothes but I feel like we should buy ds properly fitting shoes rather than just squeeze his feet into shoes pil have chosen to avoid being rude.

We have had a little bit of a rocky relationship with pil, especially mil so I don't want to do anything to offend her but I want what is best for my ds. My mum bought us clarks shoes despite being a single mum on benifits so I possibly have an unreasonable opinion about how important good fitting shoes are.

Aibu? Should I suggest dp phones and says thank you so much for the kind offer but we'd prefer to get ds's feet measured? Or am I being pfb and badly fitting shoes are not a problem?

I think properly fitting shoes are an essential too. Bulking too big shoes up with socks doesn't sound good. Maybe suggest something else they could get that would be useful instead if they want to get something special?

Just don't put the shoes on your child and don't say anything . Pil won't know if they live that far away
If they ask say the shoes didn't fit.

I think they want to buy him shoes because we hardly ever have shoes on him, they also buy us socks (nearly every time they see him) I think they think ds should wear shoes and socks but rather than say "Why don't you put socks on ds? Are you stuggling to afford them? If so we are happy to help out" they just keep buying shoes/socks as an not very subtle hint.

Buying shoes that fit your child's foot is essential.

It's not being pfb at all.

I think they would prefer buying something rather than making an outright comment, it could come across very rude to say what you suggested.

Just smile, nod, take a picture. Don't stress about shoes.

Shoes need to be tried on, no debate. Thank your pils profoundly for their thoughtful present, and suggest they buy something else next time, like xyz clothes or whatever is not available where you live or sooooooooo much better quality in the UK. Can you tell we've been through this?

It's good for his feet not to be wearing shoes particularly ill-fitting ones
YANBU

This is the kind of thing where I might say "oh thanks so much - actually, given that he seems to have quite wide feet, why don't we take him to get them measured next time you're here? Then you could get those and we will all be able to see him wear them immediately. Thanks again for the kind offer."

Would they be offended if you chose the shoes & asked them to pay for them?

YANBU- shoes need to fit and babies/toddlers and they are best not wearing shoes except when necessary. I'd just tell them that.

I think I'd just say thank you. Take a few (staged) pics with the shoes on occasionally and pass them on after a few months x

I think the staged pics is a good idea, it just seems like such a waste of money!

I would like to let ds have bare feet as much as possible, I think my pil would think it was another one of my crazy ideas if I tried to explane to them why. They believe that children need shoes to be properly dressed.

Put the shoes in a cupboard and proceed as you were.

My mil keeps buying the dc slippers because they 'don't have any'.

They do. The house is carpeted and warm and the dc prefer not to have their feet restricted in slippers. Bare feet, in most cases, means the feet develop better, which means fewer foot, knee, hip and back problems. I've explained this to MiL. But she thinks she knows better. She buys pretty but unsuitable, ill fitting slippers and I say nothing. The dc remove them after ten minutes. MiL thinks she wins.

Let your PiLs buy them. When they ask mutter something about thank you... Didn't fit... Unsuitable. They may get the hint. They may not. Not your problem.

YANBU.

It's important for children to wear properly fitted shoes, I think there's a risk of damaging children's feet if you make them wear ill-fitting shoes.

I wouldn't take any staged pictures either. That'll just encourage them to keep buying shoes.

Properly fitting shoes, at the right time, are important. So yes, I'd agree to let the PIL buy them and then quietly pop them away somewhere, carrying on as you normally do.

I often wear socks, but rarely shoes or slippers in the house, I just prefer to walk around without them. So do both of my DCs. Meanwhile, DP always wears slippers in the house; his mum used to insist on them when he lived at home.

my pil are very keen to buy dss shoes in the sale i the next size up, i am not keen as he has grown more than a single shoe size in some times and only half a size in others. we have a brilliant local shoe shop who fit and sell a good range of shoes, i favour start rite.
i am now quite sketchy when they ask his shoe size and say i" yes i must check before you go" i usually conveniently forget as would be donating purchased shoes to charity shop if they did buy them!

Can you reply with "Thank you for the thought, but his feet are the wrong shape for those lovely shoes. More socks would make his feet wider as well as longer! His feet are actually size xxxxxx. If they make those shoes in a xxxxxx for summertime, that would be fab. Thank you!"

YANBU. Perhaps let them send another pair and bin thank the PIL very much - sorted.

Bloody stupid thing to do, buying shoes without him even there!

He will need shoes in a few months. At that time, just phone/e-mail your ILs and say we bought DS some shoes - the lady in the shop said his feet were a very difficult width/instep to fit and it was important he was always fitted in the shop.

I think you should have the shoes fitted. Can he not send you a voucher for the shoes and then you can take your DS to the shop. The child really has to try on shoes at this age IMO.