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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents and junk food

15 replies

notadoctor · 01/02/2014 08:25

I realise this has probably been done to death but... My MIL and FIL are obsessed with feeding my 2yo DD chocolate and sweets. I'm not really super strict about food but it's their attitude which really gets to me - they came to visit yesterday and presented her with a whole house made from sweets just before lunch - which cued a massive tantrum when I said she would have to wait and have some for pudding. They're seeing her today and told her, 'you can sit with Grandad and eat fizzy pop and sweets and crisps until you're sick'. We're really trying to teach her to see all food as equal not as naughty or treats and their attitude really gets to me. They only see her once a month and I know they are just trying to treat her but I think they go to far... AIBU? And if not, how should I broach it with them?

OP posts:
helloeverything · 01/02/2014 08:30

YANBU at all.

anniroc · 01/02/2014 08:32

I think this is a common problem so yanbu. My Mil is a real sugar-pusher and the only thing to do is to keep saying no. You are the mother, it's up to you what your daughter eats. Hopefully they'll get the message.

helloeverything · 01/02/2014 08:33

I would put your foot down each time they come, and hope that they get the message. It's sad when gps can only express their love by giving junk food. It shows that they privilege their relationship over the wellbeing of their gc. Good luck!

Bunbaker · 01/02/2014 08:34

I used to have that problem with MIL and I had to put my foot down all the time. I'm glad I stood up to her because, although at 13 DD likes sweets, she isn't greedy and makes them last for ages. She still has stuff from Christmas to eat.

CrohnicallyFarting · 01/02/2014 08:37

YANBU, and I wish I knew how to broach the subject, my PILs are the same with DD (1)

Example: last week we had lunch there. DD was starving as lunch was a bit late and had a huge portion of pasta and sauce. She was offered cake for pudding, she had maybe 2 mouthfuls before indicating she was full. Which was fine by me.

Later, FIL gave her a treat size chocolate bar, at which point I said 'she had a huge lunch and she's full, no more please else she won't eat her dinner' (bear in mind DD never usually snacks between meals)

He only went and fetched her a bowl of grapes, saying it was OK because it's fruit! And then opened 'himself' a yoghurt and proceeded to feed it to DD instead.

We were there a total of 3 hours, so within the 2 hours after her lunch he had given DD chocolate, grapes and yoghurt- almost another meal to a 1 year old!

thegreylady · 01/02/2014 08:41

I should lend them dgs1 who doesn't like sweets, chocolate, most cake, ice cream or chips! He likes blue cheese, home made shortbread and apple crumble (sometimes). If it is very hot he will have an orange juice lolly.
His little brother however loves all of the above (including the cheese) and has to be restricted.

Seff · 01/02/2014 08:44

I don't like how the word "treat" has come to mean junk food. To my DD, strawberries are a treat, as well as less healthy options.

A wonderful marketing ploy by the junk food companies IMO. All that "be treatwise" crap.

Original poster
notadoctor · 01/02/2014 09:05

Thanks for all the replies! I'm glad it's not just me. Will try to stay firm!

OP posts:
NomNomNom · 01/02/2014 09:08

Urgh, how is it special to make a 2yo sick on purpose just to get one over on her mum?

2 is so little, they really don't need sweets or crisps or fizzy drinks. Yes, a strawberry is a nice treat at that age.

peppinagiro · 01/02/2014 10:06

I'm dreading this - my parents will be just the same. DD is only 7 months, but already they give her tons of baby biscotti the minute my back is turned. She'll eat them til the cows come home but I only let her have one, or half of one, when I need to keep her quiet (i.e while I prepare her actual lunch!). My parents will give her a few, then she refuses any other food, so then they give her another few 'so at least she's eaten something'. We're doing baby led weaning - it doesnt matter if she eats her lunch or not! If she eats something, great, if not, she'll have more milk. She does not need biscuits!

They're the same with presents - way OTT. I know it's all done in kindness and it's great they love her so much, but I wish they'd learn that sugar and tat arent the way to build a relationship with her :(

Catsize · 01/02/2014 10:26

I have this with my mum, who thinks it is fine to undermine me in front of my son and give him chips, crisps, biscuits etc. Really annoys me.

CreditCardProblemS · 01/02/2014 10:34

Good luck with staying firm. If they are anything like my PIL they will just ignore you and just do it when you're not there. Pisses me off. As people up thread have said, strawberries are a treat, but no they want to give her sweets and chocolate.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 01/02/2014 10:35

My parents are exactly the same - they once had him for two hours on a summer's afternoon between lunch and dinner and gave him three ice lollies! They just simply can't stop - they just want to make him happy all the time and that's an easy way to do it.

Dappydongle · 01/02/2014 10:40

See I have a theory that spoiling grandchildren with food is a evolutionary thing, hard wired from when there wasn't enough food to make sure the next generation survived.
That said, it still pisses me off but my parents live far away so it doesn't mean a lot of sweets in the grand scheme of things.

Midori1999 · 01/02/2014 10:42

YANBU at all.

I don't know why they have to do this. My gran is here at the moment and she is a serious feeder. Sweets, cakes, crisps, sugary drinks and cereal. Constantly. I feel like a bitch for constantly saying no, but it does them no good to eat so much crap.

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