To be annoyed at my manager?

[heather19771210]

I have worked in my present job for 10 years. After a traumatic episode 3 years ago I developed depression and anxiety and had to take 6 months off work. My manager changed just as this episode was happening.
She has a very different management style to my previous boss and uses a 'divide and conquer' method to control staff. I have been back to work now for 6 months and have been so much better after intense therapy.
I am now having intense anxiety as she is constantly criticizing how 'I look', she says I'm buzzing around, working too fast, 'look like i'm about to blow' , have a weird look in my eyes and has even asked me if my medication is working!
I am now petrified of making a mistake as everything is a 'significant event' and although I only work 16 hours a week (I have 4 lo's), I am snappy, distracted and worry constantly about my next session at work. I am frantically trying to work out financially how to become a stay at home mum :-(

It doesn't seem to me that yabu to feel annoyed with your manager. In fact I think you should be more than annoyed. She clearly has prejudices against what you have suffered and she is seriously undermining you.

Is your employer large enough to have an HR department? If it is I think you should begin make a record of her comments and then approach them.

that seems bang out of order after 10 years! is she on a power trip? I experienced similar problems with my boss when I first started - I felt so self-conscious because she watched me like a hawk and every mistake was picked up on and criticised in front of everyone else. It resulted in a confrontation which seemed to clear the air so maybe you could actually just say something to her?

I worked for a couple of people like that and the only solution was to change jobs. I know that is easier said than done but people like that are total arseholes and they never change. People like that are ignorant about MH issues and seem to fear those who have suffered.

I went the HR route with one of them but didn't get anywhere.

Sorry I can't be more helpful but for you, I know how difficult it is to get back on your feet, it's a HUGE achievement.

Thanks for the replies. I work in a small GP's surgery but since this new manager has started they have employed an HR company but I don't know how helpful they would be.
I have approached her several time but I end up getting anxious and upset and she then brings my mental health issues up and the last meeting ended with the on duty GP being called as I couldn't breathe (panic attack).

I should add she has only been in this job for two years after our previous manager retired.

Is there a sympathetic GP in the practice who could give you some support?
Keep a record of everything that happens. Each comment actio etc, time and date, who was present etc.
Sounds like she is using your past mental health as a way of getting at you. This is harassment and working in a health environment it shows very poor understanding of mental health. Asking if your tablets are working is appalling!!

Don't approach her on your own again. I would initially speak to HR in confidence. Are you in a union?

Who is your manager's supervisor? Do you have a reasonable relationship with them? Perhaps you could approach them. Write everything down and take it with you if you speak to them.

Thanks, we are not allowed to approach GPs anymore (this used to be the procedure), and there is a 'senior' receptionist whom I went to on thurs. This person went straight to the manager with my concerns and she then asked to see me on Friday. I am writing everything down and have kept copies of all paperwork (she had cancelled my 1 days holiday at Christmas). She has already managed to have 4 other members of staff off with 'stress' , three of whom never came back.
I get that 'a new broom sweeps clean' but I do feel annoyed as my MH issues were to do with discovering my H had an affair and I have worked hard to get back to normal after this only to now have issues with the job I love and thought I was very good at.
I do have a good relationship with the two GPs partners that I have worked with for ten years and still meet up with my old retired manager and retired go partner, so I don't think I'm that terrible an employee!

I would speak to HR, she is discriminating against you and making personal comments. Every time she says something offensive make a note of her comments or ask what she meant.

Is there a chance she's just hopeless at interpersonal skills rather than on a vendetta against you?

Neither is good but the first can be worked through. Presumably unless you leave or she leaves, you need the relationship to improve. You can only attempt to control two of those situations.

I would be trying to get her to see what effect her behaviour is having on you rather than attacking. She may be in the wrong as it is her behaviour which is causing this but she possibly feels the same about you? How do you know there isn't some personal background causing her behaviour?

You need common ground. If you fail at improving your working relationship the situation will just deteriorate. Is there someone in the practice who could help mediate between you.

Heather, is there any possibility that your manager is worrying about you (and communicating badly), not getting at you?
She has taken a new job and has a staff member who has returned after time off with MH issues, who now seems anxious, stressed, and is perhaps struggling to concentrate?
She may have decided to push you out, but she may also be wondering how to help you?

I agree that she may be trying to help but think she is going about it in the wrong way. I do tend to take things personally as I'm so anxious and am actively trying not to. It may just be a clash of personalities, I just think mentioning my medication and commenting on how she 'thinks' I look is frankly offensive.

As I found with a previous employer, never be alone with a manager like this without "Record" running on your phone.

If it kicks off, Vaughan v. London Borough of Lambeth an Others (2013) provides you with the legal right to record her.