AIBU To ask what you would do if you child said these things?

[FlockOfTwats]

If, During one single day, Your four year old child accused you of hitting them several times, And then said that their Dad and SM (Who child lives with) also hit them, (Goes into specific detail of this but changes story three times), And their Dad refused to discuss it further than 'I don't think there is anything effecting her' What would you do?

Keeping in mind that; You have certainly never hit them, The child has never had any suspscious bruises or marks on them, has never displayed any sign of fear about either parent or the SM, And that there are circumstances that could be causing the child to be anxious or feel pushed out - Namely the arrival of new sibling, coinciding with SM suffering a second trimester miscarriage (Child knows about this) and now being pregnant again (Child has said that she believes this baby will die too, that SM will die, and asks if her new sibling will die).

Who would you talk to about this if the father absolutely refuses to discuss it with you. Even if you don't believe the accusations, Wouldn't you think that behaviour like this is something that needs looking into? That the child is obviously feeling something to even say these things?

Wow. That is terrible. Wether true or not.

Not something I feel I can really offer any useful advice on but I guess DC's age would be useful.

Do you believe that DC's father is capable of this??

Yes- sounds like she is feeling very very scared and insecure. Lots of love and reassurance needed. Maybe talk to the HV? poor kid.

It sounds like the poor child is wanting attention from you. She's had a lot of changes with new siblings and is trying to process and understand death.

I agree talk to the HV.

I think if I was relatively certain that it wasn't true, I would probably have a discussion about telling lies and how she might be sad or scared its important to talk to you spectacularly and try not too worry about things she doesn't know will happen. Just try to pacify her fears and make it clear to discuss with you.

Then I would move on and focus on dealing with her feelings, making her feel more secure, giving her special attention and making her aware this is happening.

Maybe dad won't discuss with you, but I would just tell him he needs to listen and quickly explain what she's said, what you've done and how it might be nice if he could also reassure her.

I think I'd start with I know all of that can't be true, because I haven't hit you. That makes it very difficult for me to know if your telling the truth about other things - if you tell me your hungry, how do I know if its the truth or not, and see where that goes with the hitting from others. Get a copy of the boy who cried wolf?

You can be hit, and it hurt without bruising.

And lots and lots of cuddles, love. And if you can manage it, time just with her.

When DS2 arrived and he squarked, if DS1 and I were in the middle of something, I sometimes said DS2 would need to wait til we had finished whatever, so it wasn't baby muttered, and Mummy always ran.

Congrats on your new baby

Children of this age can remember things that have happened but can mix up the details ie who did it or where it happened. So don't totally discount what she is saying just because you haven't hit her. That said it may be anxiety about the miscarriage or new sibling.

Why won't her dad talk about it? He would have to talk about it if she reports hitting to her teacher/nursery worker!