about disproportionate presents? Or is DH?

[ShadowFall]

We have DN1 & DN2's birthdays are coming up soon. DN1 will be 3yrs and DN2 will be 1yr, they're siblings, and their birthdays are within a few days of each other.

I got DN2 a present at the shops, and asked DH to order a specific present off the internet for DN1.

DN1's present arrived today - only the box delivered by the postman was much bigger than expected.

DH has gone way overboard when looking at the toys on the website, and has bought lots of presents for DN1. 6 presents instead of one. DH has squirrelled the delivery note away somewhere, but at a guess, I'd say he's spent at least 5 times as much on DN1 as I'd expected him to.

I said to DH that this was far too much for DN1's birthday, and we would have to put some of the toys aside for DN1's Christmas present (can't give any to DN2, as DN2 is too young for these toys).

DH said that this would be very mean of me, and we should give DN1 all the toys. So I said that in that case, I'd have to buy more presents for DN2, because otherwise DN1 is getting loads more from us than DN2 is, which to me, seems unfair to DN2.
DH disagrees, on the grounds that DN2 is too young to notice. He's probably right, but it still seems unfair to me.

So - is it unreasonable to give DN1 5 times as many presents as DN2?

Yes a newborn wont notice but parents will. Either even it up or save some of the extras for next Christmas?

But the parents will notice, and so will dn1. You need to give presents that are roughly the same.

It seems way OTT to me, what's wrong with one nice reasonably priced gift? Also, what if will these presents are more than her own parents are planning to get her. That could be awkward.

it should be roughly equal, imo.

bang out of order to spend way more on one than the other.

I don't have an issue with spending more on one than the other, and I often do that, as baby will get all the old toys passed down, so it's worth getting something decent that will last a few years for an older child.

What you cannot do is give more presents. My 3yo would definitely notice, and would be likely to mention it repeatedly

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with spending more on a 3 year old than a 1 year old. The 1 year old is hardly going to notice is she?? The 1 year old won't be aware if she's even been given a present or not!

I just think your husband went ott buying multiple presents when one would do.

I don't think the cost matters at that age, it's more about getting things they (as a family) don't already have for the 1 yo, there's no point in doubling up on stuff the eldest has already grown out of and often what you are buying the eldest the youngest will have soon enough too or at least share (if it's a toy) - but yes, you do have to be careful about the number of presents because one always getting more presents to unwrap than the other isn't good and will be noticed.

Did you tell DH how much you had spent of DD2's presents before you asked him to buy DD1's? How much has he spent on her compared to previous birthdays etc?

Why not send some of it back - Christmas is a long way off in terms of what a 3 yo will enjoy.

OP - I agree with you and would send some (5) of the presents back. It is way over the top. Do you think this amount of presents will embarrass their parents? will they will obliged to reciprocate for your DCs birthdays? can they afford to?

Ask the parents?

They are your family, and you should be able to talk to them about something like this.

Your husband was having fun, and if you can afford it, maybe it's ok to be outrageously generous and over the top occasionally. Some 3 year olds would notice the inequality, some wouldn't appreciate your offerings, and some would just enjoy the presents. If you don't know how this 3 year old will react, talk to the parents about it, and have a laugh about your husband getting carried away.