to be hung up like that on a date?

[unreasobalefriday]

22 years ago this night my dad died. It was sudden and horrible, I was there and he wasn't very old. You'd think I'd have a grip already, with it being so long ago now, but it's weird this year - it's the first time that I remember, I'm sure that's statistically unlikely this day falls on a Friday, as it was then. My DH and DC are out, the rest of my family is together in a different country, I'm on my own and am drinking , and am wondering, am IABU to be so hung up on this date/day of the week thing, even though it's such a long time? I just feel very sad.

I am so sorry. No of course you aren't being unreasonable. Did you ever have any kind of counselling?

unmumsnetty hugs for you x

I think that what triggers sadness and memories is specific to individuals and isn't ever unreasonable. I'm so sorry that you're going through this on your own and feeling (understandably and not at all unreasonably) sad. My DDs DF died in May last year (he was 44, so young) and they are having regular waves of sadness, sometimes triggered by specific things and sometimes not (we were divorced but I've been teary over certain songs that relate to him in a way I never used to be). When will your DH and Dcs be back? I hope you won't be on your own for too long.

Of course YANBU - so sorry for your loss. I've no advice to add unfortunately, just sending lots of love. Be kind to yourself.

Thank you I never had counselling, I guess that's part of the problem. I really wanted a good natter with my mum (poor thing, it's her wedding anniversary too, what are the odds?), but she was busy with family - a good thing I guess.
DH should be back at 11. I'm sure he's dreading it, as the will have taken its toll.

I think no matter how much time has elapsed since losing a loved one there will always be random days when grief takes you over again like this. I'm exactly the same. Sometimes it's just a great physical and emotional release to gave a few drinks and a bloody good cry.

Agreed Randy.

Thanks Randy. It's good to be able to share it. It's so weird - it's so long ago, most of the time it's just a faint memory. Tonight, I feel like I'm back in the hospital, holding his hand, watching him go. It's not a great place to be.

And I'm so sorry for your and your DD's loss, Elle

sorry, I don't mean to bump my thread ignore, everyone else but Randy, I did just that and it helps. Thanks

How are you feeling now OP? Have you sunk a few more .
Give that DH and DC of yours big hugs when they get home

So sorry for your loss. I too woke this morning to the anniversary of my Dad's death. It's been 30 years today but it felt so raw. It doesn't always feel like this but maybe that's how grief is? On reflection, I don't ever want to feel OK about it so these times when it hurts so bad must serve some purpose. I have spent the day thinking and talking about him & showing the kids old photos, you don't usually get to do that when it's such a long time. I hope you have felt better for coming on here and that now your DH is back to have been able to talk to him. Gone but never forgotten

my mum still gets upset about my grandads death 25 yrs ago, im still gutted about my dad's death 4 yrs ago.

I don't think it's something you ever "get over" really.

for you, op

My granda died in 1984 and there are days when I'm still overwhelmed and need a good cry. Be kind to yourself. Xx

Sorry to hear you are so sad. My mum died two weeks ago and I absolutely avoid remembering which date she died (dont pay much attention to dates and weekdays right now), because I don't want that to be what I remember. Rather celebrate her birthday than mourn the day she died!