To think it's precisely this that knocks the confidence out of DD (5)

[legosteg]

My DD is in year 1 at school, and seems to be almost bottom of the class in almost every subject. There are perhaps 2-3 children below her, but none of them girls.

The school operates a system where children get points for good behaviour and good work, kindness, etc. My DD has half the amount of the other girls and feels very, sad about it. It's affecting her confidence, she thinks she is no good at anything, and I've noticed her friends are even beginning to behave with superiority around her and boss her around more, which she seems to take because she believes she is not as good or clever as the other girls.

I don't know what to do to make things better for her but I feel like I have to help her or her confidence will reach rock bottom and she's only 5.

I don't think she has a learning disability. She has similar levels of intelligence as her peers and holds the same level of conversation, but is slower to learn new things. It takes her more effort and more time to pick things up. For example, maths, reading, swimming.

She also is a fidget and drifts off and forgets things, doesn't focus for long. But as I have said, she is only 5. I don't think she should be feeling this amount of academic pressure at her age.

Her teacher says she is a lovely kind child, but she does worry about what her friends think of her. Teacher does not think she is falling behind, but to me something is not right.

[thenamestheyareachanging]

Hi again OP, no, you don't have to teach the national Curriculum if you Home Ed at any age. I'd never considered Home Ed either until my child didn't thrive in Reception. I don't know whether my kids will enter the school system again, they might do. If they have "missed" something from school, they will have gained something different from HE, so I'm not worried about them being behind their schooled peers. They do learn more naturally than you would believe. I'm not an unschooler though and I do a bit of maths and a bit of literacy each day, then the rest follows their interests. If you're worried, there are websites that will tell you what they're roughly expected to be able to do by the end of each school year so you can have a check if you need to stay on track, or feel that you do - to be honest, my oldest is very
ahead in some areas but is slightly catching up in others - that could well be the same if he was at school though, and none of us are the same level in all areas, I don't think. I'd rather that than put pressure on him and destroy his enthusiasm for learning. My other child is pretty uniformly adavanced, and she is the one I agonise about because she would probably thrive in school, but then she is getting different things from HE - she'as the one I think hard about returning to the school system, or trying it out at some point. But while she is still little, I value her freedom to play and explore too much!

[thenamestheyareachanging]

Sorry, namechanged, but have been replying and following here.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Lego

I mentioned above that DS2's teacher rewards him for a good effort based on the level he is on. Also none of the children know how many points anyone else has. Individual points levels are not publicised and there is a separate team points competition that is public e.g. One half of the class v the other. This an pretty academic London prep school and they don't feel the need to have public rankings for 5 year olds. I do think the points system in your DD's class is toxic, who the hell thinks it's a good idea to make a 5 year old feel like a failure. It should be changed.

Separately, you can work with your DD on areas that might help her. Whether or not she has a formal problem some of the strategies used to help with SpLD can be useful. For example, my DC can be daydreamers so if they are struggling to stay focused I use a sand timer. I have a large 5 and 10 min timer which gets used for breakfast, getting dressed, doing schoolwork etc. as it gives a defined time limit and a visual reminder of time passing.

[legosteg]

Chaz, thank you - the timer is a good idea. With DD's peers points levels, I don't think they are made public but I think the children talk about it among themselves, which is something you can't really stop. So they are all aware of their own personal score and compare with each other.

Also, once they reach, say, 100 points, they get a certificate and that is publicly awarded. DD is aware that she has a very long way to go before she gets the certificate and worries she will be the last child in her class to get it.

I am going to speak to her teacher, and find out why there is such a disparity if she is never naughty at school.

[somewherewest]

So they are all aware of their own personal score and compare with each other

I have this all ahead of me (we're in the toddler years), but FFS! They're only five. It all just seems so weird and pressured

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

DS' school only add up the points and award certificates at the end of term which stops the comparing.

[hackmum]

When you said her reading is at level 4, is that level 4 of the ORT? Because that seems pretty good to me.

I think when they're only five, they're still at an age when things can change a good deal. All kids develop at different rates, and that's true of their personalities as well as their learning abilities. It may be that in year 2 she gets a much more sympathetic teacher and starts to blossom then, or a new girl joins her class and she makes a friend. Or, of course, it could be a long-term problem and the knock to her confidence that she's already had will continue to make things difficult for her.

I do think a gentle word with the teacher is in order - just to keep an eye on her, and make sure she gets rewarded for all the good things she does.

[legosteg]

Chazs, that's a better way to do things.

I agree it is horribly pressured, I can't get over that DD is just 5. 5 years old and feeling like this.

[legosteg]

Thanks Hackmum. Yes the ORT, but I think she has been ready for level 5 for sometime.

To put that into perspective however, the other girls in her class are on levels 7-11 ORT.

[legosteg]

I hope we see a change in her. Up until the age of 4 she was the happiest, most sociable and outgoing little thing. Since then she has become quite self aware and thinks she is not good enough.

[GW297]

Does she like her y1 teacher?

Could you write a brief note to her teacher saying that as far as you understand it your daughter has significantly fewer team points than the others in the class and it is having a detrimental affect on her confidence and self-esteem? Then request that the teacher explain to your daughter (and yourself) exactly what she needs to do to get more points. State that either a written response or face to face appointment is fine.

Then if you are still not happy, write to or speak to the Head.

[legosteg]

She does, her teacher is lovely.

[Thisisaghostlyeuphemism]

Yes I would meet the teacher and do what gw suggested- say what does she have to do? If that fails, then try the head.
Ds is five and he never seems to be noticed or rewarded at school and he is a lovely boy, just quiet and stoical. I think they need us to make a fuss on their behalf- sigh.

[madhairday]

Your poor dd, it sounds like the points system isn't administered very well.

Some of the points in your posts remind me of my dd at this age, especially the fidget, dreamy and falling over parts - turned out my dd was dyspraxic, but wasn't formally dx until she was 11 (they are very reluctant to send them down that road, especially when they are coping fine academically etc.) The comments about improving pencil grip too sound typical for dyspraxia. It could be she has some dyspraxic tendencies, which a lot of children have, and if that is the case should have some extra help. Have you noticed any other difficulties with co-ordination - how is she riding a bike, swimming, catching a ball? This is not to worry you, but may be worth considering. I had years trying to persuade teachers to look further into my dd's difficulties, and it was so hard to get them to consider it, but after they did it made a huge difference for her in school.

Either way, I would have a chat with the teacher about how she is feeling about the whole points thing. she sounds a lovely little girl.

[hackmum]

"The other girls in her class are on levels 7-11 ORT."

That must be pretty unusual, I think. This gives an idea of where they are at each age:

www.readingchest.co.uk/book-bands

Typically a five to six year old would be on levels 4 to 6.

That means your DD is bang on target for her age.

I wonder what's going on? Are the other girls unusually advanced for their age? Is the school teaching them so well they're learning quickly? Or is the school misjudging their ability?

[legosteg]

A combination of bright girls coupled with ambitious parents. Lots of time spent coaching them at home.

[Laura0806]

if she is reading without stumbling on any of the words and she is a summer born year 1 it doesn't sound like she has a learning disability. Is it a very brihgt year? How academic were you and your DP at school? I agree the chool shouldn't be making sure she is getting the same number of stickers as her peers if she is behaving, trying ehr best etc. My dd ( yr 3) simialrly flies under the radar as she is so quiet, shy and well behaved. x

[legosteg]

She can swims and ride her bike, however I noticed it doesn't come as naturally to her. She has to work a little harder and a little longer to get it.

[Laura0806]

sorry only just read the rest of the posts. yes sounds like an unusual year as it my younger daughters (yr1) . She is below average in her year but really at the expected level for her age

[legosteg]

I don't know if they're a very bright year as have nothing to compare to, but I do think there are several very bright girls. The boys are more at the same or lower level than DD.

At school, I picked things up very quickly, read before starting school. DH always distracted and had to work quite hard, retake exams etc.

[legosteg]

However I struggled with sports, DH excelled at them.

[RockinHippy]

I wouldn't bother speaking tothe teacher again, you've tried & it doesn't sound as if she is listening at all.

You WRITE an email to the teacher & outline all of your concerns & insist that something constructive gets done to help you DDs self esteem issues, as this is something you hold the current teacher & or school responsible for as she was a very confident child before starting school/this class. Mention that you have discussed this before & as nothing has changed you feel,perhaps writing it all down will be more effective.

Email the office, fao the class teacher by name & follow it up with a phone call to make sure the email has been passed on & read - this leaves a paper trail that shows you have tried hard to get the teacher to address your DDs issues - if nothing happens after this - email the HT with a copy of this email & ask for a meeting.


There us absolutely no excuse for this, in my DDs school they get merit certificates for all kinds of things, including kindness, trying hard, being thoughtful, a good friend to X when they needed help & on & on the teacher should have come up with something & has apparently nit even tried

Good luck

[RockinHippy]

Excuse typos, rubbish eyes today seem to have lost my red lines

[Dromedary]

Her reading level sounds very normal for that age - must be a high level class she's in.
I'd: 1) talk to the teacher about the merits system and generally; 2) do more schoolwork with her at home, to help her to catch up with the other girls (but trying not to pressurise her), 3) find her an out of school activity that she enjoys and may do well in. So she meets different children and has something she is good at, which will increase her confidence.

[legosteg]

We do homework every evening as it is, reading every night plus wither handwriting, spelling, maths or English. I am really reluctant to step it up even further. I have bought games that are also educational that she enjoys playing.

I think she's overloaded with work already and she doesn't want to do more at home. This is very different from my other DC who is younger, but asks to do extra homework every night.

I just think it takes a lot of effort and concentration for DD and she likes to switch off after a long day at school. She is quite messy and a bit of a lazy bones by nature.