To think it's precisely this that knocks the confidence out of DD (5)

[legosteg]

My DD is in year 1 at school, and seems to be almost bottom of the class in almost every subject. There are perhaps 2-3 children below her, but none of them girls.

The school operates a system where children get points for good behaviour and good work, kindness, etc. My DD has half the amount of the other girls and feels very, sad about it. It's affecting her confidence, she thinks she is no good at anything, and I've noticed her friends are even beginning to behave with superiority around her and boss her around more, which she seems to take because she believes she is not as good or clever as the other girls.

I don't know what to do to make things better for her but I feel like I have to help her or her confidence will reach rock bottom and she's only 5.

I don't think she has a learning disability. She has similar levels of intelligence as her peers and holds the same level of conversation, but is slower to learn new things. It takes her more effort and more time to pick things up. For example, maths, reading, swimming.

She also is a fidget and drifts off and forgets things, doesn't focus for long. But as I have said, she is only 5. I don't think she should be feeling this amount of academic pressure at her age.

Her teacher says she is a lovely kind child, but she does worry about what her friends think of her. Teacher does not think she is falling behind, but to me something is not right.

[Dromedary]

I don't like the merits charts either. In DC's school the children spend the day going up and down like yo-yos, as they seem to get merits (or go down) for almost anything. DC went through a phase of taking it terribly seriously, which was a pain, and it must waste a lot of everybody's time.

[Isbn999]

Legosteg, that is not good practise. They are being inconsistent, and need challenging over it. I'm sure you can write a letter which reveals the inconsistency of approach, and follow it up. When is their next ofsted inspection due, do you know?

It encourages comparison, and there are some kids in the class who clearly are coached to 'be the best' so an unhealthy competitiveness is developing amongst the girls.

Make excuse to visit the school to see if all classrooms have this ridiculous chart in it... If yr 2 and 3 don't then perhaps it's the teacher you need to talk to. Teachers can be lovely but have blind spots. If all classes have it you need to talk to the head teacher.
It might also help to have an explanation of why they have the points at all, and why they have it on public show.

Is it used to manage behaviour problems or reward excellence? In which case only the badly behaved or excellent benefit and it is not inclusive.

Good luck challenging this.

Don't underestimate how much impact the individual teacher has on the child's experience in school. If it is going to be hard to find a new school, try to help the school improve not just for your dc, but others. You may find that your dd gets on much better with next years teacher....

[Goldmandra]

How can they haves public chart on each classroom wall making the children at the bottom of that chart feel like failures?

I would ask them exactly this.

[legosteg]

DD and I spoke about the points this morning. DD says there is a big chart on the classroom wall which gives each child's name and how many points they have. I feel furious about this.

DD'ss school refuse to discuss where children are in relation to their peer group at parent meetings, and also refuse to publish any kind of test/SATs results even anonymously - and the reason they give is they don't want any child to feel like a failure.

How can they haves public chart on each classroom wall making the children at the bottom of that chart feel like failures?

[PomBearWithAnOFRS]

I've only skimmed the thread but I just wanted to say, you can home school one DC without necessarily having to homeschool their siblings. I HE'd no2 son, but haven't done so with any of his (four) siblings, although I would if I felt it was best for the three younger ones who are still at school them as they move through school years.
It is horrible when you see their enthusiasm and confidence eroded bit by bit, and feel helpless to intervene :(
(I may be projecting a bit here, I am convinced homeschooling (well, taking him out of mainstream school) saved my son's life, so I get all enthusiastic but homeschooling is a viable option and honestly, if I can do it, anybody can - there are LOTS of resources nowadays to help you. There's a HE topic here too even or you can pm me if you want to know more about how we did it)

[RockinHippy]

Oh & FTR you will learn in time, that those at the school gates with the truly bright DCs tend to keep quiet about it, those boasting about how clever their DCs are, tend to be the average ir slightly above average ones exaggerating, you only need to check the G&T board to see how true that is.

So take pride in your beautiful kind DD & go kick that schools backside

[legosteg]

Thank you tallest tower. Yes I think I have to not get sucked into thinking something is wrong academically. DD does have to try harder, and she does get tired because of it. But as long as I can keep her confidence high I do feel she will be fine, well better than fine, she has so much potential.

[Thetallesttower]

I think to some extent we have to not get sucked into believing that it is abnormal for a five year old not to be a fluent reader and writer. In lots of countries, they don't start this type of formal learning til 6/7 deliberately because children vary to the extent that this suits them earlier than that but by 7, they are much more similar.

Op, I don't know whether your dd has any sld, but she is a typical reader for her age. You have to slightly resist the hype of the other parents and children about how they are all free readers/so advanced- some children just aren't aged 5 but do extremely well after that. One of my dd's has been the advanced reading before school type, the other has had to learn to read the hard way and certainly wasn't beginning to be a good reader til aged 7-8. This is normal and I had to remind myself initially that comparing her to a child who is flying along reading wise is just not helpful. Now, aged 8, she reads as well as her sister and has great comprehension- she's not as speedy but she is doing extremely well.

I agree with everyone who has said about having a word with the teacher about this reward scheme, but I also think you have some work to do in not believing your child is actually behind, when she is not. She may just be a child who has to work hard for her learning, like my dd2- it doesn't come easy to her but she has great potential, school is more tiring for them than for those it comes easy but it doesn't mean they are less intelligent. If she is on target, my betting is that with your support and encouragement, she starts flying along, but only if she starts to enjoy reading/school, if it becomes an unhappy place for her it is a vicious circle.

[legosteg]

Rockinhippy, that's wonderful!

[RockinHippy]

Lego, my DD ticked a lot of the boxes you mention above - she's older now, doesn't have LD at all, but is considered G&T

[RockinHippy]

Have faith in yourself and your daughter and take the school on - Dont focus on whether or not she deserves stickers - just keep repeating to them that a going girl is feeling belittled by their system and they need to rethink - and they need to put your daughters needs in the front of their minds

^THIS^

Your DD is on target in a class of bright DDs who either want to learn more at home, or who have Tiger parents who don't see the value of such young DCs learning how to relax at home too.

The school are at fault, LD or not ( which i doubt from what you write) end of!!

[legosteg]

And following on from above, I am just not convinced it's a LD because these 'symptoms' are all in my opinion, perfectly normal in a 5 year old.

Thank you waterrat for your lovely post. I am going to speak to school specifically about the reward system, which I haven't done before.

[legosteg]

Ok, looking at dyspraxia symptoms in 5 year olds from dyspraxia foundation website, I can say I see the following in DD.

Unable to sit still, swings legs or fidgets (but only when doing homework or eating dinner, so when tired)

Quite fearless, not much awareness when crossing roads (I do teach her, every single day), not scared of jumping from heights for example.

Fairly messy eating likes to eat with fingers and always gets food on the table and floor.

Dislikes jigsaws.

Lack of imaginative play when on her own, but lots of role play games with friends.

Sensitive to sensory stimulation - here I would say she dislikes the feel of certain clothes but usually woolly things so nothing unusual there. She is sensitive to taste in as much as she enjoys eating for the sake of eating.

Limited concentration, often leaves tasks unfinished.

The only other things which are not on the Dyspraxia checklist but are things that I notice, are that she is very messy and quite forgetful.

[waterrat]

Sorry - young girl that should say

[waterrat]

Op I think this I such a sad indictment of the school - I don't think you should be the one looking around for 'reasons' why you daughter doesn't get stickers etc - that is not the point. She is 5 and if a reward system at school is destroying her confidence then it's the schools fault.

You mustn't start looking for reasons on your own life - she is perfectly entitled to switch off after school! What kind I world are we living in when a 5 year old who has been at school all day is seen as lazy if she relaxes in the afternoon or evening

Have faith in yourself and your daughter and take the school on - Dont focus on whether or not she deserves stickers - just keep repeating to them that a going girl is feeling belittled by their system and they need to rethink - and they need to put your daughters needs in the front of their minds.

[Redcliff]

Dyspraxia ( why do they make these words so hard to spell ) I wouldn't do anything over the homework either - we do what's set and I read two or three books to him a day to keep up the idea that books and learning can be fun.

[legosteg]

What is it Redcliff? And how old is your DS?

[Redcliff]

Just because someone's reading is fine doesn't mean she doesn't have a learning disability as my good reading "hid" my dyslexia until I was 21. Your daughter sounds just like my son - my DP has done some research and thinks they something else is much more likely which I need to check spelling for....

[Laura0806]

I realy wouldn't do more work with her, bless her and you. Thats more pressure and may effect her self esteem further. Have you tried drama groups/ theatre groups for confidence and fun? I agree with emailing the teacher and saying you are worried about her self esteem as I think its more about how the teacher is handling the giving out of rewards than it is her actual ability; stage 4 really is fine for her age .

[Goldmandra]

My DD2 was in our village school for years, slipping under the radar, low self esteem, not fitting in socially, excellent behaviour but very few rewards, etc and they persisted in telling me she was fine.

I thought that the nature of the school, i.e. small, nurturing, would mean she was better supported but I was wrong.

She has been diagnosed with AS and is now in a specialist unit where the staff have identified a very high level of need and are investing a great deal of support.

Don't assume that a small school is a good one. They have to be want to support all of the children who need it, not just those who cause them problems.

[legosteg]

We do a couple of things, but it's quite hard work getting her to keep them up! She isn't very good at sticking at things, probably gets that from me. But we will keep going with them.

[Dromedary]

She's still very young and may well catch up a bit later on. It does sound like an unusually high level class. It's also pretty normal to be tired after school at that age.
I'd try to find a good out of school activity for her, maybe one the other girls don't do. If she has something that she's good at that others can't do, it will increase her confidence and may gain her some respect.

[legosteg]

We do homework every evening as it is, reading every night plus wither handwriting, spelling, maths or English. I am really reluctant to step it up even further. I have bought games that are also educational that she enjoys playing.

I think she's overloaded with work already and she doesn't want to do more at home. This is very different from my other DC who is younger, but asks to do extra homework every night.

I just think it takes a lot of effort and concentration for DD and she likes to switch off after a long day at school. She is quite messy and a bit of a lazy bones by nature.

[Dromedary]

Her reading level sounds very normal for that age - must be a high level class she's in.
I'd: 1) talk to the teacher about the merits system and generally; 2) do more schoolwork with her at home, to help her to catch up with the other girls (but trying not to pressurise her), 3) find her an out of school activity that she enjoys and may do well in. So she meets different children and has something she is good at, which will increase her confidence.

[RockinHippy]

Excuse typos, rubbish eyes today seem to have lost my red lines