To keep my children away from my infectious FIL?

[StuntNun]

Yesterday FIL phoned up DH and informed him that he has been diagnosed with Epstein-Barr virus (he had gone to the GP with a lump in his neck so I'm guessing that was an enlarged lymph node). Today he phoned DH to ask how we were celebrating DS1's 11+ results tomorrow because he wants to come too. I thought we should keep our children away from him for a while as I understand Epstein-Barr is quite infectious. DH thinks it's fine and they won't catch it. Then I wonder if they might already have it as FIL always kisses them on the mouth despite me asking him not to and presumably he's been incubating the virus for some time.

So AIBU to limit contact between my FIL and my children?

Yanbu at all, that's glandular fever! Does he really think celebrating your ds's 11+ results are worth him then having a term or so off school to recover?

How does your husband know they won't catch it? :)
Who will do he "caring" if they do catch it?
Apparently most people are immune but if you get it as a teenager it often leads to glandular fever, not fun.

Ive had glandular fever and it all but wiped six months out of my degree.

I would avoid him especially if he doesn't listen to your requests about kissing.

But maybe before you do that ask him how long he will be contagious for?

How does your child feel about the kissing on the mouth?

Tell your H the following re EBV:-

"Infectious mononucleosis, or "mono," is a contagious viral illness that initially attacks the lymph nodes in the neck and throat. When these tissues become less effective in fighting infection, sore throats, swelling of the nodes and fever may result.

Mono is caused by the Epstein-Barr virus, which is named after the scientists who first identified it in the mid-1960s. The virus enters the lymph nodes and attacks the lymphocytes (the white blood cells manufactured there). As the white blood cells come into contact with the virus, they change shape and multiply. At first, there are no symptoms because it takes several weeks before enough of the altered cells can accumulate to generate infection.

The virus can affect anyone, but the infection most often occurs in people between the ages of 10 and 35, especially teenagers. It can occur as an epidemic or in single cases, and it is believed to be spread by infectious saliva.

The incubation period for the disease is usually seven to 14 days in children and adolescents. The incubation period in adults is longer; at times it may be 30 to 50 days.

If the virus lasts more than six months, it is frequently called chronic EBV infection. Some doctors think EBV is the cause of a chronic condition called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), although this has not been definitively proven.

Mononucleosis spreads by contact with moisture from the mouth and throat of a person who is infected with the virus. Kissing, sharing drinking glasses, eating utensils, and toothbrushes, or touching anything that has been near the mouth of an infected person, may result in transmission of the disease".

You need to keep your child away from him and he must desist completely from kissing your child on the mouth. That to me is gross particularly as he has still persisted in doing that even though you have told him not to.

I lost out on most of the lower Sixth form due to glandular fever, I couldn't catch up and made a right hash of my A-levels because of this. Personally, I'd limit contact and certainly no kisses at all.

My kids are 11, 7 and 1 but I still don't want them exposed to an infectious disease unnecessarily. I thought maybe I was overreacting because I'm a biochemist and Epstein-Barr is implicated in the development of several forms of cancer, even without the risk of glandular fever. I'm just a bit worried about my FIL's cavalier dismissal of his infection.

And there's no need to kiss children on the mouth, ever. What the hell is that about?

You are not over reacting

I'd be more worried on his insistence on kissing them on the mouth despite your telling him not to. Nobody gets to override you when it comes to your children's personal space. That alone is enough reason to not see FIL. Too bad, but he should have listened to you.

OP, YANBU, at all. Your post re cancer, Attila's post on the details of the illness, and last but not least, the fact that he insists on kissing the DCs on the mouth are all good enough reasons to limit contact.

Urgh hate kissing on the mouth unless it's between partners.

Common name for glandular fever was always The Kissing Disease.

Doesn't your 11 year-old object to being kissed on the mouth?

Over-rule your DH. FiL can send a card (via Moonpig!)

DH has been negotiating terms with my FIL, basically saying we're worried about the kids catching something. Actually I don't want to catch it either, I could do without a case of glandular fever myself.

If he kisses everyone else on the lips too then presumably that is how he caught it. I feel uncomfortable that dh always urges our dc to kiss and hug FIL with his nasty scratchy beard one of ours in particular dislikes it. I would definitely stamp it out if it was on the lips. Good time to get rid of that practice. Teach the dc to say 'no lips'. Hope they haven't caught it already. Congratulations to your ds on 11+ result.

Thanks Bunnies but DS hasn't got it yet! We're eagerly awaiting the post! He did well in his practice papers though so we're assuming it will be good news. With regard to the kissing on the lips business I have asked him not to in the past and we ended up in quite a row about it. I think he really feels it's okay and I'm insulting him by suggesting he might be infectious. Obviously at the moment he is infectious so he couldn't really argue with DH about that.

The man doesn't get to argue with you about whether it's okay to kiss your children on the lips.

No argument, no drama. Refrain from doing it, or no visits.

This isn't the first time I've seen a thread with something along the lines of, "Creepy family member is violating my child's personal space right in front of me and whatever do I do about it?!"

I'm sorry but are you expecting someone else to show up and protect your kids? It's down to you. Yeah some might say it's a small thing but you don't want it, your kids don't want it, it's weird, there's no need for it. Down to you. So someone gets upset at you, big deal.

And please can we have a break from the usual, "But this poor man might have his feelings hurt and in my family we french-kissed all the time and I turned out fine!" Because no, if you're posting that you didn't turn out fine.

Glandular fever can be really nasty. I ended up in hospital with it aged 11 and it took me almost 6 months to get back to normal.
I would avoid anyone I knew who had it, especially with children

YANBU, I know you can't avoid all germs as they are everywhere and to a certain degree build up you're immune system but no, they don't want it. And also, how can your DH know they won't catch it?, does he have a crystal ball?. Will he look after them for 6 months if they do catch it?. Don't know how long people are infectious for!, awful illness it sounds.

I had glandular fever and it's horrible. Keep the children away from granddad. As for kissing on the mouth ... I don't know, seems a bit creepy. I would NEVER kiss my kids, their spouses and the grandkids there, but kiss them on the cheek, top of the head (small kids). Accompanied with a loving hug, too, of course.

Dp had glandular fever, it made him quite ill and impacted residually for many years.
Any cough or cold going round would put him out of action for weeks and he couldn't manage any sport or strenuous physical activity without having a 'flare up'.

I know not everyone is affected this badly by it, but it isn't something i'd knowingly put anyone at risk of, especially a child.