To give my nephew £80 for his birthday?

[horsetowater]

It's his 18th. He lost his Dad recently and DP says it's too much and we should look after ourselves first (it's tight this month but not that tight).

Would £50 be a reasonable compromise - still a decent amount for an 18th?

yabu i agree with your dp, dont make it a harder month for you just for a birthday.

Yes I think £50 is fine. I gave my niece £50 for her 18th. That gives you £30 back in the pot.

I'm always on the generous side with close family gifts.

£50 is a good compromise.

Could you see about getting a £50 note. First time I ever had one was for my 18th, was more special than 'just' £50 if that makes any sense.

It's too late I sent it already. It was 20 for Christmas which he never got and the other 80 was to make it up to a round number for his 18th. I've posted it already but dp is furious and said I have to tell him next time, and that I never gave his nephew 80 for his birthday blablabla. The boy is distraught because his Dad died just over a year ago and I guess I am over compensating or something. I know money won't make it better I guess I want him to know that we care. I just told dp that my brother wouldn't have been very happy to hear what he just said.

I can see your reasoning but its a shame if its caused tension x

Horsetowater I think what you did was a lovely thing to do and I would of done exactly the same if it was my nephew. I don't understand how your husband can compare his nephew to yours considering everything the boy has been through it must be so hard for him to lose his dad at such a young age.
I know money doesn't compensate the loss of his dad,but how lovely for him to know that you think so much of him and I do think teen boys are so vulnerable at the best of times trying to find where they fit in the world 17/18 is such a hard age besides having to deal with the death of the most important man in the world to him his dad.

Your nephew will never forget your act of kindness. The saying blood is thicker than water comes to mind I think your nephew will take the money with the love it has been sent to him and understand your thinking of him.

As for your husband I'm sorry to say he's missing a sensitivity gene! But you on the other hand have shown love and compassion in abundance. Years from now you won't give the money a second thought but your nephew will always remember his kind and thoughtful aunt sorry for the loss of your brother.

Thanks catacats he didn't live with his Dad but his mother had a very hard time bringing up as a single parent. She did very well with him and he was a very successful student until his Dad died just when he was doing his exams. He has left school now.

Financially he will probably be OK in the future but he's going through a terrible time right now. I must say I was taken aback at what DP said - it hit a nerve with him and I'm not sure why, possibly something to do with his own family history, who knows.