AIBU to tell her she is ignorant and rude?

[Iwannalaylikethisforever]

My sister and I have a turbulent , but livable relationship since I don't see her much anyway (her choice). But what pisses me off is her rudeness. AIBU regarding our latest conversation. We haven't spoken for several months last week and this week she phones to tell me her husband is hospital with infection, needs to stay few more days etc . I listen and wish him better soon. She never asks about my dh, if I mention him anyway she swiftly changes subject back to herself. When I said I have ds at home and why, in the middle of me telling her she says " Sam (her ds -not real name) is learning guitar, he's really excited blah blah, I hadn't even finished talking and she takes over to talk about herself again.
Seriously if I mention anything she gets defensive and sulks for months.
AIBU to tell her it's bloody rude? And how?

Would it bother you if she sulked for months?

I see . Good point. That took some thinking about. Actually no not really. She can be quite nasty. I guess I don't want to be responsible for causing a rift when she will never see the point. That's why I always ignore her rudeness.
I don't know how to address it in a non confrontational way.

Non confrontational or non direct?

because you can say it very nicely but if she gets cross about it, she will see it as confrontational and that's not something you can control.

A simple statement of your needs would not be confrontational.

I would like it if I could talk to you about my husband and child without the subject being changed. I enjoy our conversations when we each are given time to talk as well as listen.

tbh, I suspect that no matter what you say, she'd probably hit the roof so you just have to ask yourself if you are ok with her sulking or if you want to avoid it so much that you would rather just continue with being her audience rather than participating in a mutually satisfying conversation.

I agree with ISee

In an ideal world you would bring this up and she would say, 'Do I, i AM sorry, I won't do that again, how IS your DS?'

I'm guessing that this is not going to happen any time soon eh?

You have a choice, either you say something, stick to what you know is right and tell her that you don't like your conversations being utterly one sided.

OR

You don't ever engage with her, just yeah, yeah, blah, blah and don't ever discuss yourself, your family etc. as soon as she has finished dumping all over you, then you just end the call.

IF she ever asks then tell her that there is no point in you saying how you are, your DH is or any of the DC as she's patently not interested in anything that isn't about her. and end the call.

She sounds extremely tedious and a complete bore. Don't go chasing her calls, she doesn't seem to enrich anyone's life at all.

tbh I doubt there would be much point (unless you want her to fall out with you which tbf you might.) I doubt it will actually change her, if that's what you are hoping.

Just say, 'excuse me, I was in the middle of a sentence'.

I was in the same situation as you and eventually I said something. It did no good and we, three years later, have very little contact. She says she can't get over it. I should have realised she would take it badly, she likes to play the victim. The upside is that I don't have to listen to her very long phone calls about herself (a huge relief). The downside is I don't really have a sister (and I feel bad about that).

Thanks I see. Your last sentence has hit the nail on the head, she just wants me to be her audience. No mutual conversation at all. In fact it sums her up perfectly.
Not sure about the "I enjoy our conversations when we both talk...." She would probably sulk or be her usual passive aggressive self. "Go on then, tell me all about what you have been doing".
Sometimes I feel being her sister means she thinks she can be a bitch and doesn't matter. She told my dd not to marry someone like her dad last year, I don't know why I bother when even short conversations make me mad.

My family thought that because we were related that it was open season on me, that my feelings meant nothing and i deserved nothing in the way of support etc.

they were wrong.

what she said to your DD is revolting. How dare she!

We deserve the right to expect that family is treated BETTER than non-family, not worse.

I'd take this as solid indication that she's NOT a very nice person and tbh, your dc would be far better off if she wasn't around them.

Let the relationship go.

Joysmum. That's a good response, "excuse me I was still talking" because subtle doesn't work.

Hissy. That's another good idea, just nod and agree until she has finished off loading.

Five pies. Falling out is what saddens me and keeps the charade going, because I don't want to lose my only sister, even though she is an ignorant cow.

Brett. I don't think there is much point in saying anything but it makes me so angry that a person I regard highly can be such a moron.

I will use Joys mum'a idea though. That's the sort of thing she would say.

not to be ironic but when I have this from MIL it does utterly piss me off. She interrupted me when I was telling her about DS being ill to talk about some random friend's grandchild being and ill and HER starring role in the drama, oh and DS was ill (sick at school) because he was so excited about seeing HER. When DH and I told her I was pregnant, within 90 secs the conversation had moved onto other people SHE knows who are pregnant. I now just stop immediately and go "uh huh" a few times and when she draws breath, resume what I was saying with no reference or response to what she interrupted with. Actually addressing it would be nightmarish and cause all sorts of family ructions.

I have a friend exactly like this. She's not even my sister and I don't have the guts to fall out with her. I just don't say anything and she doesn't even notice that I'm just going Uh huh, yep, yeah. Sorry I don't have any proper advice. Hope you'll be ok OP.

I think I'd rather have no sister than have to suffer a sister who was an ignorant cow, though...

Flump, I know what you mean, I don't want to be the cause of our fall out but shit she irritates me at times.

Fairy. Your mil sounds like an attention seeker, abit like the American way of spelling color...... No "u" !