I’m posting this because of an incident that happened over Christmas but that is really the breaking point for me, the problems have gone on for years and years.
My brother and I never got on as children, we are in our 40’s now. Looking back I can see I was horrible to him but he was horrible to me too. I was always (and still am) much more emotional than him and got upset easily, he was always quietly sarcastic. By the age of 16 or so I wanted desperately to be close to him and it seems like I’ve spent my whole adult life trying to make him like me and failing.
Although we’ve both tried to do things together (we have similar aged children) we just don’t get on. If I’m in his company for more than a few hours he is sarcastic and finds ways to ignore me or put me down but I’ve kept on trying.
He married about 15 years ago whereas although I’ve had children until 2 years ago I wasn’t in a steady relationship and his wife has simply always been as cold as ice towards me. I’ve tried and tried but she has always (to me) made it patently clear she doesn’t like me.
This Christmas we all stayed with my elderly mother. Their 12 year DD who had previously always been fine was very rude to me on a number of occasions. They weren’t there and didn’t hear the incidents but there were a number of them (for example she said I was having ‘a hissy fit’ when I wouldn’t continue to play monopoly with her when she was cheating at it! – I think this is a totally unacceptable way for a 12 year old to speak to their adult aunt). My view is that she is mimicking her parents’ disrespect for me. On boxing night we were all watching TV and the DD said ‘wantanewname can you be quiet?’ as I said something to my 8 year old DD. She said it with a smirk on her face and very rudely and so I ignored her. This was followed by my SIL shouting at me ‘My DD has asked you to be quiet. How dare you ignore her and be so rude, she’s talking to you, you wouldn’t like it if I was ignoring your DD etc etc’. My brother backed my SIL up, the DD carried on smirking and even my poor mother said ‘Yes Wantanewname you should’ve been quiet etc’.
To say I was humiliated was an understatement. I feel totally undermined and feel it is the straw that has broken the camel’s back. There is more but this is becoming an epic. I don’t want conflict, I just want out. I don’t want anymore contact but wondered what others thought? I feel like they (my brother and his wife) have treated me with so much disrespect over the years and I just feel at the bottom of the pecking order and can’t be around them again. I have friends, I have colleagues, I have a partner (who unfortunately wasn’t there or I’m sure this wouldn’t have happened as I feel it was a form of bullying as I was there on my own with my children) who all are polite, respectful and like me.
(have put this in relationships as well)