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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at XH for MN stalking me?

12 replies

NotBrittaPieHonest · 29/01/2014 20:18

(Really transparent NC cos I think he just does an advanced search. Could be wrong though.)

Whenever I post anything about XH on here, no matter how vague, he immediately reacts. Recently I posted about whether I should introduce the kids to my new boyfriend (just as a friend, and he met them before we started seeing each other anyway) and the general opinion was that XH was being ridiculous for trying to ban it, and was continuing his EA controlling twattery.

Anyway, couple of mornings later, I wake up to a message from a mutual friend, with a screenshot of XHs public fb post, calling me a "fucking evil, worthless, lying cunt who plans to introduce my children to the worst man ever"

A couple of other people contacted me to tell me about it too, and it's the latest in a long line of these types of posts. He seems to delete them when he sobers up, but it is still v v annoying. He is, however, getting me a lot of sympathy from people who had previously thought of it as a mutual "growing apart" type of split (and I rarely tell people the details) and have heard or read his rants and seen his temper and drinking.

He had a proper go at me a few weeks back for posting a semi lighthearted thread about his love life (it really wasn't bad at all - I stuff I would say about a friend in a slightly dodgy relationship, to their face)

I know he partially blames MN for us splitting up (because MN posters kept telling me that what he was doing was abuse and that I should get out ASAP - took me seven years but I eventually got out a year ago and I am starting to realise how bad it was. I distinctly remember someone - it might have been Reality - telling me not to marry him just before the wedding, and getting quite annoyed at me for not getting out)

Anyway, I don't THINK he will read this, but there is a possibility.

The easy answer is just to not use MN, but I love this place, I've had a lot of support through some very dark and scary times (as well as lots of fun times, and made brilliant friends). Every NC only last as long as it takes him to work it out, and I really don't want to be all stealthy - again, I have friends etc on here. But I'm gonna have to :-(

Just feels like he can still control me.

OP posts:
Doha · 29/01/2014 20:21

He is a twat BUT

you know where to go so that he can't find you-don't you?

KissesBreakingWave · 29/01/2014 20:22

On the other hand, if posting on here gets a rise out of him, you can use that. There is little quite as satisfying as taking a controlling abuser and jabbing their buttons good and hard. Wind him up to a good froth and let him make a public arse of himself. Tell everyone who asks that you're taking advantage of his stalking to wind him up. A good wide grin will help sell this. "... and all he has to do to stop suffering is become a slightly better person."

NotBrittaPieHonest · 29/01/2014 20:23

I do, I think Doha :-) Not the same though, for general chatting...

OP posts:
PeriodFeatures · 29/01/2014 20:23

Bloody hell. What a fucktard. i think your best way forward is going to be to just give this man zero of your emotional energy. Inner poise. Be graceful and unshaken and eventually he will see his wankery is getting him nowhere and will move on to the next poor woman

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 29/01/2014 20:25

Ugh no don't leave MN!!

How on earth does he track you down - that is dedication. What a twat.

You could also PM your friends your new name...

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 29/01/2014 20:27

Oh what Kisses says! Do that! Oooh the fun we could have!

Beavie · 29/01/2014 20:30

I feel your pain. My twat face of an ex had hacked my computer and unbeknown to me had been watching everything I do, and on one of the court hearings regarding access to our daughter turned up with all 19 pages of a thread I had started about an awful decision I had to make regarding a termination. I did terminate and it was awful, I wouldn't have got through the whole run up and aftermath without wonderful support from mumsnetters. So you can imagine my delight when this awful, painful time was exposed publicly in court and read by countless solicitors, barristers, judges and cafcass workers. Hence why I have to name change on a regular basis. It sucks, because as soon as people get to know you you have to be someone else, but there is no choice.

Sorry I have no constructive advice, but just to let you know you are not the only one!

Beavie · 29/01/2014 20:32

And sorry for the overuse of the word awful there. Must learn to proofread my posts.

It was awful though!

ChocolateTeacup · 29/01/2014 20:46

Change your password, change your username and email address

TalisaMaegyr · 29/01/2014 20:47

You don't think he's put a keystroke programme on your pc, do you?

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 29/01/2014 20:58

Twatus Maximus !

ChocolateTeacup · 29/01/2014 21:42

Run malwarebytes as well :)

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