To be extremely fucked off with comment in work and with DH

[HadABadDay2014]

In work today comment was made towards me that I am only par time and that of course I have the time and energy to cook and clean after work.

The conversation at break was about food wastage and I said I will cook and freeze left overs like curry stews spag Bol ECG or turn them into something else. I will also freeze fruit to make into smoothies if they are getting to the use by dates.

I know I do 3 days where as they do 5, but on those 2 days I am not just lounging around. I am still up with school runs and appointments.

To top it off walked in the house and all the housework I did yesterday was undone while DH sat on his ass for 3.5 hours before work.

Being part time you still work the same hours three times a week so those three days you'll be as tired as the rest of them! I work 4 days and don't do a speck of housework those days.

However, the days you have off, yes you should be able to do the housework. It doesn't take much to load the washing machine or Hoover in time or energy.

Since I went part time I've found it much easier to meal plan, freeze meals and generally be more organised. I was working 40 hours a week and felt like I was constantly running to catch up. It is heaven working pt.

I too agree that working PT should generally leave more time than those working FT.

How often does having 2 children at home mean you can't do anything else except be with them? Having 2 children at home doesn't generally preclude anyone from doing other tasks too.

I would hate to be part time tbh. I think I would feel like I was doing half a job on both fronts and not giving either one 100%. I really admire part timers and their ability to juggle and balance everything. (I'm also lucky that my & DH jobs together allow us to have a cleaner once a week and good childcare).

Running a home and working 3 days a week is easier than running a home and working 5 days a week. Sorry, but it just IS.

If a part-timer suggested to me that I freeze all my leftovers down and make something else with them or keep tabs on the best before dates of fruit, I might be inclined to lob my lunch at them .

This would be another job that had to be done either at the weekend or in the night.

When I was working full time I still had to drop the children off and pick them up, cook for them, do laundry, do general housework, help with homework etc etc. I was still doing everything I just had less time to do it in than someone working part time. You are making the mistake of thinking that someone working full time doesn't have as much to do in the house and for the children but we do.

It's really a pointless discussion.
I work pt which gives me more family time. It certainly doesn't give me any "me" time as I have two small DCs. My time off is spent looking after hem. A job I have to pay someone else to do when I am at work. I certainly don't consider that housework time.
Housework is shit. It has o be done but it's never ending and really should be kept to a minimum

Having a cleaner is shit too. Got rid.
What I really need is a daily tidier-upper.

If your DCs are at school then of course you have more time.
Just don't waste it by thinking that housework is important.

I loathe housework. It's utterly soul destroying. Can you tell?

When people make comments like that, it's not about you, it's about them. Your thrifty industriousness with leftovers probably made them feel mildly inadequate, so remembering that you might have more time than they do probably made them feel a bit better. It's really not a big deal!

I am completely loving joinyourplayfellows right now.

But if you have 2 days with dc in school then you do have more time to do all this food management and house work - so when they - who have a lot less time than you - are saying how hard it is to manage food to prevent wastage (and it is a lot less time if they work ft) then I can see how your comments came accross and led to the pt comment.

Well I guess it just depends on individual circumstances, doesn't it? I work pt, in theory 3 days a week, but spread over 5. I certainly don't have huge amounts of time at home to do housework. I probably have to do more actual work (marking, planning) at home in the evenings than some of my colleagues because I have less time for that within my working day.

For me, the advantage of working pt is that I get to spend more time with my DDs, and DD1 gets to spend the time after school doing activities she likes, rather than attending after-school care which she doesn't like. It's well worth it, but it does irritate me sometimes when colleagues act like I'm swanning off for an afternoon sat by a pool. Especially when they forget that it's a choice that they could make themselves if they wished.

I don't understand why people who work full time say they don't have time to bung their leftovers in a tupperware or bag and stick them in the freezer. It takes seconds and then there is an easy meal for another time.

I also always assumed that being part time was a lovely thing more time to get things done more time to yourself. Wrong.

The few weeks I worked 4 days I found myself at supermarket, doing washing cleaning cooking running errands. Absolutely exhausted.

Working at home with children is a hell of a lot harder than escaping out to work among adults.

Everyone says they are at work 'for a rest'.

Obviously we all know work isn't a rest, but people commonly joke about that because they are acknowledging their preference to the drudgery and boredom that comes with running a house and child minding (even if it's your own!).

When I'm caring for the kids, it's refreshing for everyone to have someone else walk into the room, and it's nice for their Dad to come home 'fresh' to the kids, even though he's not fresh from a busy day at work, iyswim.

It boiled down to that age old argument of who is the most tired and who works the hardest. Well, LIFE is hard work eventually, and no one can escape.

I have seen visitors so many times in hospital, looking longingly at the patient 'resting' in bed all day long - well I can tell you that even someone lying in bed all day long isn't necessarily having an easy life I can promise you!

So - I am sure your husband works hard, but I am sure you work equally hard, just in a different way. It's a shame we can't all walk in each other's shoes to gain a bit of insight, rather than each fight to say their corner is 'harder'.

I would find your scenario annoying too, but that's only because I've been on both sides of the fence and to be honest I found being full time ironically easier!

I get a lot of resentment at work because I only work 2 days and rest are full time. There is a huffy atmosphere when I leave and say see you next week.

Even though they are mostly childless and party all weekend and I have a severely disabled child and go to work for a break and company.

People are really strange. Don't let it get to you.

I get this too

The people who make the comments re work are usually those with no families who haven't a clue what they are on about

My oh has recently got better in general but there are still bad days

I too work 3 days, and I have 3 dc. My none work days I spend doing school runs chores and looking after my baby

But if your dc are at school, surely you do have more time?

I always felt part-time working mothers got a raw deal. IME (pre-DC I was a HR Manager and part of my role involved helping returning mums to negotiate a "flexible" working arrangement) what it means is that they fit a virtually full time role into part-time hours, then spend their off time running around like blue-arsed flies trying to get all the domestic stuff done so that the weekends can be family time.

Doesn't sound like a good deal to me.

Children are only at school for 6 hours, I spend over an hour a day on school runs, I have a young baby to prep food and bottles for, get to sleep, and entertain. I have to fit housework around her as she is my priority

I do get what you are saying, you put effort into what time you have and sound like a very good person using everything to maximum potential. I think they are jealous.

No one wins by making it into a competition. You need a few standard phrases to close down this sort of discussion, eg 'It'd be a dull world if we were all the same!' (said with steely cheerfulness) then change the subject. If you feel commenting on differences in lives has shifted into picking at you personally, say so 'I am feeling a bit got at now, can we think of some celeb's cooking we can bitch about instead?'

BookOfRuth - I agree.

Oh and OP, yes deal with your DH as a separate issue. Don't get cross with colleagues if he's really the problem.

I have two instances to consider:

A SIL who works full time, no cooking for her family (older kids), iron etc. They have chinese take a ways most nights.

A SIL who does not work, gets up at mid day, no kids to look after, does not cook, iron etc. spends time going to gym.

Your life sounds very sensible and balanced.