New friend/old friends

[Tweenangst]

I realise I sound like a fourteen year old with this little tale, but it has upset me and I would like to know if I am being very over sensitive. I have recently moved to a new city a long way from home. Have never moved anywhere before so have an amazing group of friends from my home town. I have been here for just over a year and it that time have made a few really good friends. Mainly through school gate chats or through work. I have invited my friends from home up to stay on many an occasion. Some have come and we have had a great time. It's been great to spoil my friends as luckily we are in a totally different financial situation from at home. (By spoil I mean pay for meals out, day trips ect not buying titanium horned unicorns or anything)

Anyway, have a conversation with one of my oldest friends today who totally out of the blue informs me she will be coming up to see me next weekend. (Not asking, telling me ). I am genuinely gutted as have arranged a weekend away with dh and dcs. We have had this planned for months and there is no option to delay/cancell. She then got her pissy knickers on saying how I just didn't want to spend money on her and how could I blow her off!! She then proceeded to tell me how much I have changed and what a selfish madam I am. I have had the phone put down on me! I think I need some advice on what to do...and some wine! :(

I also forgot to mention the important thing! She has accused me of choosing my new "posh friends "over my real friends!! I am in my thirties !!!!

friends like that are not friends at all. Maybe there's something else behind her being so rude but you should definitely wait for her to make the next move.
If it were me then I think I'd be making a 'concerned' call to a mutual friend just to ensure that there was two sides to the story back home and she wasn't telling lies.
Really and truly though, you sound like you have a wonderful set of friends, one less won't hurt.

She sounds jealous as hell of your new life, especially the "you just don't want to spend money on me" comment. That would be enough for me to end the friendship.

She liked the idea of free weekends away whenever she wanted, with you stumping up. Nice woman

I'd be ringing her back and telling her to forget she ever knew me.

Has she been up to visit you before?

Erm- she sounds just lovely, can't imagine why you wouldn't want to delay all your plans for a tantrumming brat who demands that you spend money on her!

Nobody- old friends, new friends, family, posh friends- has the right to demand that you cancel pre-existing plans to host them and take them out for expensive meals.

What you do is you go away and enjoy your pre-arranged trip.

You are not being 'tweenangst' at all.

Enjoy your planned trip & try to forget about her. I agree, she sounds jealous & greedy.

Thanks for the replies. Although I am shocked at her blatant outburst, I know she can be a little selfish sometimes. I think I will ring another friend and find out if there is underlying reasons for this.

Her comment doesn't even make sense - you have plans with your husband and children, not your 'new posh friends', so what does that have to do with anything? Presumably she is jealous that you re doing so well and missing you being around all the time, but that's no way to express it. Could she have been planning to escape relationship troubles or coming up for a big heart to heart maybe? Do you think it would be worth sending a text saying that you're confused about her outburst and ask if everything's ok with her.

Has this particular friend been to see you before, since you moved?

If not, I guess she could be jealous that the others have been "spoilt" by you and not her?

BTW, it is perhaps not such a good idea to show off by paying for meals out and flash your wealth if your situation have changed.

I had a period like that when I was in a very well paid job many moons ago, and my friend was doing her masters and working part time. I would breezily tell my friend "Lunch/dinner/drinks is on me." She told me to stop it, she found it rude of me to just assume she could not pay. Point taken.

I think your idea of a concerned phone call to a mutual friend is a good idea. Even if there are mitigating circumstances, you deserve a genuine apology.