To be worried about my five year old's concentration?

[FiddleDiddleDiddle]

My son is 5 and in Reception. I would like to stress that I love him more than the world and think that he's essentially a very good and sweet boy but... he's driving me and his teacher mad!

The problem is basically that he doesn't listen, and often doesn't do as he's told.

We are quite strict with him at home so it's not a case of spoiled brat, but he just. doesn't. listen!

For example, it sounds like a silly thing but when I took him to school this morning I said 'put your book bag in the box' (where they go). The fact he even needs reminding when all the other children come in and just do it automatically is telling, but then I promise I told him five more times, ending up getting quite cross with him. He was stopping to pull things out if his book bag and look at them, playing with a chair, messing around with a friend etc.

Everything I tell him, I feel like I always end up having to get cross with him before he'll actually do it. He's VERY distractible and I do know, for example, that if I ask him to do something I have to ensure the TV is off as he's incapable of ignoring it. Even when you talk to him he's looking off round the room, or you'll be telling him off and he'll suddenly break into talking about something else he's just seen or thought about. It's at a level where I'm even wondering if there is some reason behind his inability to concentrate.

He's not hyperactive, it's more of a dreamy lack of concentration. Anyway, the teacher has mentioned a few times that it's very hard to get him to do any work and this morning she pulled me aside and spoke to me quite seriously about it. It's a very gentle Reception class so we're not talking about hard graft, but he'll literally sit there with a piece of paper and mess around and do nothing while all the other children are drawing the teddy bear or whatever, and (like me) she said she can only get any effort out of him if she gets cross. I'm so upset.

So as not to drip feed, he's a bright boy as he can read and write already (was reading pre-school) so it's not like he's finding the work too hard.

There's also a bit of back chat - the teacher said he can give you a hundred different reasons why he thinks he should be rolling around the floor not sitting up nicely at group time, and this is the same as at home, he's got an answer for everything but doesn't just do as he's told.

I know he's very young, but this is an issue both at home and at school - it's distractibility and lack of concentration in the extreme, coupled with a bit of an attitude about it all.

AIBU or is this beyond normal 'five year olds being very young still' behaviour? I'd love you all to tell me that I AM being unreasonable and shouldn't worry about this.

Fiddle>>>>, I felt like crying when i read your comment. This is exactly what my 4.9 year old is. Totally distractable and does NOT LISTEN especially in company. He is the one child who comes home with multiple timeouts in the day when everyone else has got the odd sticker if not more. He can read almost fluently ( school homework is a doddle) and the teacher showed us his writing book to state that he will write a page before the end of Reception and many kids won't. I know that because i have a blackboard at home.

No problem with hearing what he wants to, even if whispered.

On a one-to-one basis he is better (piano, swimming) but far from ideal. Very articulate and includes back chat or always an additional sentence to the discussion.

Will NOT stand in queue to go the toilet, refuses to return from playing ground, dawdles on math exercise and generally does not do what he is told. Unless it is Lego ( hours) or colouring. Can wear and remove clothes and is generally independent, knows all my spices and can tell from cooking smells what exactly is in the pan !

It has come to the stage where he has lost many privileges ( even Lego), incl attending a bday party but he is type who just moves on with what he has. Eats and sleeps just fine.

I know this wont go away completely ( and hopefully he will be artistic like some of the others i have read here) but you have no idea how much solace i have reading the posts here. He is happy to go to school but it is so depressing for me and dad.... and strangely the autumn terms showed improvement till there was the odd sticker but the spring term has been aggressive with no improvement whatsoever.

Finally can i pm you ?

MSG - there's probably nothing wrong with your DS, he's just clever! It's exhausting, but I think you may want to ask school what they are going to do to stimulate him, rather than let school make out your DS has a problem?

Dinosaur...., thats just it, i dont think the school is encouraging any positive reinforcement. Actually I am not sure what timeouts and stickers are achieving - those who get stickers still do, and those who dont, generally dont, albeit the odd one. It has now come to a stage where my son sticks out like a sore thumb on the sticker chart.

The class teacher keeps saying " he has to get there by himself eventually". I dont think he has any empathy with the teacher. She said last Friday she would try an hour by hour carrot-stick policy but I dont think that will work if all he will get stickers for is listening. Because he wont. Most mothers say you have to look beyond Reception because Yr1 and beyond teachers are fabulous.

I dont know whether to try for another school ( this one is independent) Yr1 onwards or wait it out. Last term I went to the Headmaster direct and there were positive changes after that but this time we thought we would start with the class teacher. If there is no change before Feb half term, Headmaster it will be.

I'm afraid it took a lot of pushing before the school did anything with my DS...

I've just found this thread by searching and see it's relatively recent so just wanted to ask if anyone had any strategies other than those above (which are all things we do anyway) that might help DS. He's recently turned 5 and in P1 (Scotland) so one of the youngest. He is bright and was doing OK at school until after Christmas. DH was asked to talk to the teacher after school yesterday and apparently he's not been concentrating, daydreaming and wondering off from his desk when he has work to complete. This has cooincided with a new boy arriving in class who had become very friendly with.

He has always been really distractable at home (although will happily sit and build a lego piece from start to finish or play for hours with toys happily, or listen to umpteen stories on end) - we just have to tell him so many times to do things.

I was trying to think if there was some way we could help him with strategies to concentrate in class where obviously we aren't there. Any thoughts.

How did your chat with the teacher go Fiddlediddle?

This one will be long but may provide perspective. Things came to a head on the Friday before the week before half term where he (1)failed to do his reading at first attempt (2) almost got left in the grounds as he wandered off when all were queueing up and (3) was 1/2 boys who came back without the art classwork as he was in timeout. That evening was rather unhappy for both of us.

The earlier weekend he had stayed in his room both days with hourly crosses and ticks depending on behaviour and we had seen an improvement but the following week was a disaster ending with the Friday I described. The next weekend also we followed the same pattern ( allowed to come out for meals / 30 minutes of ball games if he had 3 ticks, etc etc). We also spoke to the Headmaster ( who by the way asks us to allow a 3-4 year time frame on this as he has seen such boys in the past. He says they never end up 100% compliant but certainly end up competent) and he promised to intervene subtly. I was particularly tearful about the stars / stickers on the class chart as he was the only boy without any and my point was if he was considered in the top quartile academically, why was that the case ?

Lo and behold, on Tuesday the HM took us aside to say he wrote beautifully. We found the chart with 2 stickers to his name and my DS came back most of the week stating NO TIMEOUTS and stickers for music and piano classes ! And now we have to keep the momentum in half term week but we are very clear about listening at the first attempt or staying in his room colouring / losing his Lego / etc.

So hang in there ! It will change but keep reverting from time to time and consistency on expected behaviour is the key. But the comment from the HM re medium term expectations is I think what I value the most.