To wish everyone knew how hard having anxiety/OCD/depression is?

[LittleMissGerardButlersMinion]

I have suffered from anxiety and OCD for about 25 years now and it's utterly exhausting.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but I wish people could walk in my shoes for a day just to see how crippling it is.

One of my friends has openly admitted that before she suffered from anxiety and depression that she thought it was 'made up'.

I'm not saying everyone is ignorant, and some people are more understanding than others, but some people just don't get it.

My very helpful OH just tells me to relax and stop worrying, if only it was that simple. :(

I just think its a shame at this day in age that its still so taboo and misunderstood.

If anyone wants to add their experiences or ask any questions go ahead.

I won't be online for a couple of hours now, but will come back later.

Thing is though - if you have a physical ailment you do have to get on with things. And it has been proved with depression that you are better off having a job, going out, having a normal a life as possible. Same with OCD, that you have to confront it.

Invisible illnesses are all treated with slight disbelief that they are as hard as people say they are. I've always found people who have suffered understand best.

I have OCD in the form of worrying about death and serious injury. I'd have horrible scenarios playing in my head all day, no real compulsions other than avoidance of risk, but that was enough to mess up my life.

Even my physical illness, fibromyalgia is treated with disbelief. People think we are slackers and it's all in our heads, despite research coming out to show that it isn't.

And chronic pain, you can't see that or measure it, you have to take the person's word on it. Most people think I'm making it up. Trust me, what I live with daily nowadays would cripple most people if it came on all at once. It's taken me years to adjust to be able to cope with it.

Gee, thanks dr Helen. I'll just stop all my compulsions magically so I can live a normal life and cure myself.

Two if my kids have Tourettes, one of them has anxiety/depression/OCD tendencies.
People just don't understand. I've come to the conclusion that it's very difficult for normal people to understand that not everyone can control their behaviour. And that some people are a victim of their own brain. Sorry if that's obvious.
I find it really difficult on their behalf, and I really hope the general public can become more educated for everyone's sake.

Thing is though - if you have a physical ailment you do have to get on with things. And it has been proved with depression that you are better off having a job, going out, having a normal a life as possible. Same with OCD, that you have to confront it.

This comment is still irritating me. If you have a physical ailment that people can see, you are treated differently to having a mental health condition. You don't expect someone with a broken leg to walk on it. Or someone with a sling to do heavy lifting. But with a mental health or invisible illness, people act as if it doesn't exist. Lots of replies on this thread a testament to that. Including yours. You might be better off having a job, going out etc but depression and OCD etc can make that impossible. I can't work. Sometimes I'm housebound. But because it's physical, I should just confront it and work and leave the house. If I could do that, I wouldn't be ill, would I?

Not physical*

I think helen that to a certain degree you are right , in that once the medication has kicked in , and you feel able to do anything , then doing something , no matter how small a goal , does help .
BUT depression is like any other illness in that some people are completely poleaxed by it and others can function at some level .
I dont imagine you would berate someone who suffered hideous side effects of chemotherapy and hold up as a shining light to them someone who managed to work whilst undergoing chemo would you ? because that would be a pretty shitty thing to do .

I think we need educating about OCD. I think most people could give you a vague description of some of the aspects but nobody knows what it is like to live with the condition until you meet somebody with OCD.
I didn't have a clue until my dd befriended a boy we know who has a multitude of problems ranging from OCD to being sectioned under mh.
The poor child is 12 years old, and his family have such a job coping with his disability.
I don't think it fair to blame society for not understanding, although I agree many more could try and be sympathetic.
Some of the nightmares this family have had, you or I before I knew them could not imagine how difficult it can be.

I totally understand, my DP has suffered with ocd and anxiety ever since he can remember. He's now In his 30's. We have been together 10 yrs so I know all about his conditions. His ocd is a type that not many people know about, he has something called pure o. When I tried to tell my friends he suffers with ocd, they always automatically assume he washes his hands too much. No one knows the anguish and despair it causes, not even I but so many times I've looked into his eyes and seen the pain and hurt it causes him. Luckily he is in a better place these days but his anxiety has made him become very anti social although he seems happier. Hope you manage to find some inner peace one day

Thing is though - if you have a physical ailment you do have to get on with things. And it has been proved with depression that you are better off having a job, going out, having a normal a life as possible. Same with OCD, that you have to confront it.

I have to comment on this, I wish it was that easy, I have tried confronting my OCD and all it did was make me more depressed and anxious.

I have been told by professionals that there is no 'cure' and I have learnt ways to try and make things easier for myself, but it will always be there.

If someone did find a cure then that would be amazing, but I don't expect they will.

Ocd is complete craziness to anyone who doesn't have it but to the person who has it, it's the realest most awful way to be. Mental health suffering is torture

My mum has quite severe OCD but as we grew up in the 70s everyone just thought she was a loon. plastic sheeting over everything, very over-protective about us, had all her teeth removed because of the germs/blood poisoning worry - loads of other stuff.

It made it hard inviting people over or having birthday parties etc. I fought so hard not to end up like her - became very spontaneous and reckless, I felt so sorry for her and was a carer ,almost, from a very young age but I was resentful of her for not being 'normal'.

but then I had my 1st Ds and everything went to shit for a while - major anxiety issues, couldn't go near water or leave the house - really stupid stuff and I got a small taste of how she must have felt all the time and it was debilitating and heartbreaking.

If anyone has a physical issue - broken leg etc, it's so easily sympathised with but to be 'broken' in any non-visible way, well you're just supposed to get over it -not right we are very intolerant about these things

it's horrible and i definitely feel as though i can't talk about it to anyone if i'm struggling with it in case they think it's just attention seeking or me being a drama queen. i hate it.

You can't cure it you have to learn to live with it. Let it be there is a phrase we come to learn

Yep, we are stuck with it for life. My therapist said a good physical comparison for people who don't understand is diabetes. Life long condition but with help and treatment it can be managed to some level. It's accessing that help and treatment and being able to apply it that is incredibly difficult with OCD I think. Like cbt, I know what I'm supposed to do and I know how to do it but I cannot do it alone without guidance. I've had a year of sessions on the nhs and it made a slight dent. I'm not eligible for anymore sessions (I only got so many because dd was under 1). So that's that for me.

ignorance is bliss literally!!!!

I hear you OP

if you have a physical ailment you do have to get on with things. And it has been proved with depression that you are better off having a job, going out, having a normal a life as possible

That is only the case for mild/moderation depression. Full blown major depression is a different beast altogether. I would probably be arrested/sectioned/sacked/collapsed if I'd gone out and tried to work when I have been struggling with very severe depression. I have a good friend who went through chemo for breast cancer and survived, but continued to work p/t throughout it. I would say my mental illness was more crippling than her illness, as there's no way I would have managed p/t work. I can't have a normal life as my illness doesn't allow me to.

I get HRC DLA so it's recognised even by the DWP that I'm as disabled as any person with the most severe kind of physical disability. And even they (and my CMHT) recognise that I don't have to get on with things, and that work isn't appropriate for me right now.

moanstripes exactly. My DH has treatment-resistant chronic bipolar 2. He held down a job for 14 years after diagnosis but was eventually medically retired because of it and because of his gradual but inexorable deteroriation. He also receives HRC DLA. He hates the fact he is no longer contributing economically and has no role in a society that to a large extent judges people by how they earn their living, but since a good day for him now consists of feeling capable of having a shower and taking the dog for a short walk, he doesn't have many options.

RedHelen do you go around telling wheelchair users they have to just "get on with things"? No doubt they could all be up doing the Highland Fling if they just confronted their condition? Those pesky people with diabetes could save the NHS a fortune in insulin if they simply adopted a PMA, eh?

My DH is just as crippled, only the bit of him which doesn't work properly is his brain. Doesn't make it any less real or any less debilitating. What it does do is make life even harder than it should be thanks to the attitude of people like RedHelen.

I have moderate ocd, have had a year off work in two 6 month blocks.the last time I was so close to giving up my career but managed to hold on, just. I worry about germs and contaminating my house and friends and making them ill, which is ironic as I'm a nurse. I separate work life and home life in a way that works for me, though is still hard work ocd wise. I only use certain train carriages for commuting to and from work, so I can avoid them on my days off to stop 'cross contamination'. I do so much more but Thats one example.

I have what I call 'unhelpfull' ocd, as I avoid dealing with things as am too scared, like cleaning and it can take me ages to pluck up the courage to pick stuff up the floor. I spend a small fortune on hand soap and shower gel. I hate the misconception that to be an ocd sufferer things have to be neat and tidy.

I'm having CBT at the moment, and I know my ocd will never go away but needs constant work to keep it manageable, its exhausting. I have to think and plan all the time on how to feed it, to keep it happy so I can live my life. I hate it. I'm pretty honest about it, and most people are supportive but you do get the odd idiot who thinks they're bring useful by belittling the problem with their 'just get over it' attitude. If only it were that simple.

I've come to accept it will always be a part of me, I have an amazing support network and know I will always be on medication for it. When I last spoke to my gp about stopping anti depressants he asked me why I would risk having a relapse by not taking meds, a diabetic can't not take their insulin, and my condition is no different.

There is still stigma attached to ocd, anxiety and depression, and I wish sufferers felt that they can be more open, I think most people feel its a weakness. I believe that living with it can makes you a strong person and I continue to admire all other sufferers with how they cope. I try to have a positive attitude about it, I openly take the mick out of myself as for me, it helps me to cope.

I have PTSD and I'm the final year of my degree. I was bit down lately because it pulled my grades from high 1st to a 2.1. Not a big thing, but I was only diagnosed in May, and I wanted to come back and give it my best shot. I'm a single mum, too. I was suicidal and couldn't get out of bed in Summer.

Some of my friends are fab, my teachers always support me whatever happens, but comments I've had are "you need to stop with woe is me", "everyone has stuff going on in their lives, you are the only one who uses it as an excuse", and best of all, when I was triggered by something, "I need to let it wash over me."

This was all by fellow students. I can't wait to leave now. It just makes me feel worse.

I agree OCD has become short-hand for "my house is so clean!", part of our annoying stealth-boasting culture.

I used to suffer from OCD very badly in my teenageBBC years. I got better and then I had PND after my second child. It seemed to exacerbate the symptoms again. It took me many moons to come out the other side. I read a while ago that its offered triggered by sad / stressful events. I'm currently fighting it again after the minute after a very very stressful time last year seems to have opened up old wounds so to speak. My favourite idiotic anecdote from such lovely people is those that say 'you need to snap out of it!'. . Most would give their right arm to be able to do just that.

Select - I/m not telling anyone to do anything but yes, the wheelchair users I know & knew did get on with things and find ways round their difficulties .As someone else said, you aim to have as "normal" a life as possible.

RedHelen, "normal" by whose standards?

"Normal" for me is: clambering up and down the ladder to the loft to store things having just moved house; running for a bus and choosing to sit upstairs; taking the dog for a walk and climbing over stiles in the country. I take those things for granted, they are "normal". How do you propose your wheelchair-using acquaintances should do those things? So you think they'd be able to do them if they just tried harder? If they were a bit less negative about not being able to walk? If they pulled themselves together? If they didn't "wallow" in being paralysed?

Assuming you are - by your apparent lack of understanding - neurotypical, then your definition of "normal" is vastly different from that of a person suffering from mental illness, but that doesn't make your definition correct or achievable. Just because it's the brain rather than something visible that isn't functioning as expected doesn't make the "paralysis" any less real or the consequences of the condition any more under the sufferer's control. Just as someone with diabetes or asthma can "will" themselves to have perfectly-functioning pancreas or lungs, so a mentally ill person can't "will" themselves to have a healed brain no matter how much they would wish to be able to.

Of course there are coping strategies and degrees of illness; some are more akin to a broken leg and the person will make a complete recovery, but many are lifelong and life-limiting.