To be cross that ds got the reading trophy...but there is no trophy?

[Onelittlebugbear]

Ds (4) has been desperate to get the reader of the week award at school, each class chooses one child and the child gets a trophy. They only keep it for a few days and are meant to bring it back into school on the Wednesday (assembly on the Friday).
So ds gets the award last week and appears out of school looking glum. He said "mommy I got reader of the week but I didn't do well enough to get the trophy."

Mentioned to ds's teacher today about it as thought maybe ds was confused but he was indeed reader of the week but because the previous recipient hasn't returned it he didn't get the trophy. No trophy today either. I asked what would happen if it didn't come back until this week and ds's teacher looked a bit flustered and said " well we will keep it in school for this week's winner."

So ds won't get a turn. I know it doesn't massively matter but it matters a bit when you're 4 and have been reading every night to try and get "the special trophy". I'm probably being precious first born but I think the trophy thing is a bit impractical, there are bound to be times when the trophy doesn't come back etc why don't they just have a certificate instead? The trophy is a nice idea but not very practical. I've made it clear to ds that he did get reader of the week but that the previous child hasn't returned the trophy, it's not because he wasn't good enough.

Aibu to think they should get rid of the trophy idea and either not to it at all or give out a certificate?

I friend of mine had exactly the same problem when her 4 year old DD won the 'reading trophy' but the actual trophy hadn't been returned by last weeks winner. She bought a cheap medal (I think Poundshop/tesco) and made a special scroll certificate from the "book fairy" saying well done for the reading and for being so grown up about the trophy so here is a special certificate for being so amazing! Her DD is 6 now and still has that certificate on her bedroom wall!

Aspie - sorry, but being given a trophy by your mum at home, as opposed to at school, by your teacher, in front of the rest of the class as a promised reward is simply not the same thing at all, especially at the age of 4.

The trophy is used by the school as a carrot on a stick to encourage the kids. It may not have been their immediate fault that someone didn't bring the trophy back but pretty easy to see how likely it is that will happen at least once a year, probably more. Perhaps certificates are a better way of doing things than trophies as it removes this potential problem.

Kids will get disappointed in life, and that's something they have to learn. But it's not on for a school to build something up and then not deliver the goods. Schools also teach things like fairness and not making promises you can't keep.

I don't follow your post Aspie. You said that there is always going to be a child with a disorganised parent, or ill the following week, who broke it, lost it and so forth but then said that the school would need psychic abilities to predict a child would not return it in time.
Yes the OP can order a medal from ebay, but by the time he gets it, it will be ages after he was reader of the week. Better for the school to keep a spare.

I would go back in and explain to the teacher just how hard he worked and how disappointed he is. He MUST be given the trophy to take home, at least for a night or two. It is not fair that he suffers just because the previous winner is keeping it (either absent mindedly or because the way it works has not been explained or they are a brat who just really wants to keep it). Perhaps they should just not appoint a new winner next week to allow your son to have it for a few nights. Fair play, sharing and equal treatment must be watchwords in a classroom full of four year olds. Bad show of the school and you are not begin pfb or u - he is 4 and we all know just how important these things are esp when they have worked so hard.

That is awful.

How about they pause reader of the week until the trophy comes back, then give it to Ops son for a week, then carry on.

How bloody hard is it to think of and carrt out a solution?

And wouldn't matter if the child in question was a bloody teen- if a trophy is what is given, then that's what happens!

I'm glad I'm not being pfb.
I think I will mention at pick up tonight that ds was very disappointed having seen his friends get the trophy previously. It isn't the same thing being told you've won but not having the prize to show for it.

I feel bad for him that next week's winner will have the trophy (if it's back by then?!) and ds will have missed out. I know he would have liked to show his grandparents. The school made quite a fuss about having the trophies when they started the system so I also think they should keep their end of the bargain.

No help at all but I can't tell you how much this has touched me. OF COURSE it matters and OF COURSE you should bring it up with the school.

Good luck...please update: I won't rest until I know this hasd ended well (that may sound sarcastic, but I mean it)

Why aren't they postponing the announcement of another winner until the trophy is returned?

Kids will get disappointed in life, and that's something they have to learn. But it's not on for a school to build something up and then not deliver the goods. Schools also teach things like fairness and not making promises you can't keep.

Yep.

A lot of people raise the famous Stanford experiment, where kids were left alone with a sweet and told if they left it, they'd get two when the tester returned. A link was traced over the years with kids who were able to defer gratification and who then led happier and more successful lives, or so it seemed. But actually, more recent attempts to replicate the research, and with various other factors built in to see if confirmation bias affected the outcomes, have found a fascinating confounding factor: the kids who left the sweet were the ones who had in immediately preceding tests been promised rewards for deferring a tempting task or edible with such a promise, and the promise being kept. Children who had no problem deferring in those first tests rapidly learned not to trust testers who promised treats that did not materialise, saw no point in waiting, and got on and ate the sweet as soon as they were left alone with it. They'd learned not to rely on adult promises of reward for effort. So what the Stanford experiment may actually have been demonstrating was that kids who can trust authority figures to keep their word, and that deferring gratification ensures better outcomes when told as much, will then become older kids and adults who trust in rewards for effort and self-control.

YANBU, OP. Firstly because it's just not fair on your child, and secondly because the school should, as the other commenter mentioned, be teaching that effort will equal a promised reward, and that promises count.

Please update us when you're back from school because this is making me sad!

Oh the poor toot. He did so well! Let us know what happened.

Did your son get the trophy today op?

Our school give them out on the Friday to reader of the week and they are returned and displayed in class for the remainder of that week. It means there's a few days for reminders that they need to come back. I think a certificate would be nicer as it's something the children get to keep.

Did he get the trophy in the end op?

Still no trophy! Asked the teacher yesterday and she was vague and said the trophies weren't all back in school. I didn't fetch ds today else would have asked again. Ds seems to have recovered from the disappointment. He's mentioned it a few more times - he told my mom 'gran I was a good reader at school but I can't show you my trophy because I didn't get it.'

Bought ds a new dinosaur - he's quite pleased. I made it clear that he did win reader of the week. I will be very cross if they give them out again on Friday and ds has to see someone else get it when he hasn't had a turn.

One - this may seem a fairly minor thing to some people but I wouldn't let this drop with the school. I wouldn't go OTT about it, but I would certainly write to the Head and suggest how it might work better in future so that children do not have their hopes unfairly raised by their teachers.

Actually I might just mention it to the head. He's out on the playground a couple of times a week so I will have a quick word next time I see him.

It isn't very good really and it does make me sad for ds although the new plastic dinosaur has made up for it a bit. Not the same as being given a reward at school though.

One - something similar happened to me when I was in school. Later on, my mum and dad called me into the living room and said that what had happened wasn't fair, my achievement deserved recognition, and because of my good work and mature attitude towards the whole thing they were presenting me with a prize and a little medal thingybob. They also said that similar disappointments would arise in the future, and I should always remember that deserving the reward is far more important than getting it, and that other people might make oversights or unfair decisions but I would know the truth and so would the people who really care and matter.

It turned the whole thing from an upsetting experience into a really valuable one .

When I was in the first grade (6yo) our guidance counsellor did a "time capsule" with us, a great big box where we put photographs, pictures with our hopes for the future, a few favourite toys, etc.

He said that if we all behaved well for the next three years we'd get it all back. He buried it in the woods behind the playground. Like a pirate treasure!

Then three years later we were all excited to get it back and we pestered our teacher. The guidance counsellor had been replaced by someone else and no one had written down where the "time capsule" was buried, so no time capsule.

I remember how my respect for the teachers went way down. I thought, "Right, so we're just kids so it's okay to break promises to us."

Good idea to have a word with the head.

Yes I agree re mentioning it to the head. I'm still cross that your son had this disappointment!

Suggest them to buy cheap medals in bulk.