AIBU to worry that the childminder isn't with my ds? First time mum and not sure what's normal!

[RedPencilPot]

I new to the world of childminders as I've just got one 11 month old ds.

The childminder is lovely a really nice lady. Her (much older, she's approx 70) sister is also registered as a childminder and does the cooking, however we pay the childminder and not the sister iykwim?!

However I've noticed l many times recently when I've dropped off my ds that the actual childminder isn't there, just her sister. I've asked about where she was recently and sister says oh she's at after school club pick up with her twin boys, or she's doing homework with her daughter or she's elsewhere.

Is this normal? I totally understand that a childminder is a childminder as it fits in with their circumstances but I just expected that the childminder would be with my ds.

The childminder is probably there the majority of the time (I'm sure of it) and it's just unlucky when I've called that she hasn't been there.

I'm working FT and really appreciate a quick chat about his day etc when I pick up.

My dh and I were just discussing that maybe rather than drag ds out in the cold every time she has to go out it's maybe easier for her sis to look after the babies. I think she has a few babies and toddlers to look after along with my son.

I'm just worried that sister isn't really as physically able to look after ds as the childminder herself (she's around 45) so obviously much younger.

Please tell me I have nothing to worry about! AIBU? I just don't know what usually happens and I don't like the thought of there being time that ds isn't properly supervised. The sister is a lovely lovely lady but she isn't very physically able and can't walk so well so I worry about what would happen if she had to go to my son quickly.

AIBU?

I don't think you're being unreasonable, it would worry me too. You've paid to leave your child with a registered childminder, not to leave your child with anyone the childminder decides can step in. If the childminder has more children/children at different ages than she can reasonably look after (you mention 'a few babies and toddlers') then maybe she should take on fewer children, rather than palm them off .

I use a CM and would be very unhappy with this situation. Speak to your CM.

tiger

OP says the sister is a registered childminder as well.

You need to check your contract, if it says your child can be left with an assistant, this is what is happening.

The sister is a registered CMer too! Many CMers work with an assistant this is not unusual. It means the CMer has someone on hand to do pickups or allow her/him to do pick ups or cook without havinv to take all dcs every time. Pick ups can add up to a lot if time sitting in the car - wouldnt you rather your child be entertained at the house than strapped into a car seat for a good chunk of the day?

I wouldn't be happy with this either. I would ask straight out what arrangements are and who take care of him when.

If the sister is a registered childminder and also cooks could it be that they run the childminding business together in the same way a husband and wife can be a childminding team? That said, if this was not explained to you when you employed the childminder I would not be happy and would seek an explanation just to clear the issue up. From the sisters reaction it would seem they childmind together to me.

It wouldn't actually bother me unduly given that they are both childminders. I'd generally prefer the set up you've described to the child perpetually being o school runs etc.

When you say she isn't as physically capable, what do you mean? My mum is that age and admittedly slower than me. But would be capable of looking after an 11 month old baby/toddler in the confined space of a house.

"Iamavapernow Mon 27-Jan-14 17:47:49

tiger

OP says the sister is a registered childminder as well."

But presumably not the one the OP chose. Surely we all go through a selection process when picking a CM?

Our CM leaves the children with her DH fairly regularly, however we know them both and agreed to that from the start. It suits us all (eg her DH picks up DS from school, which she couldn't do. If it is bucketing down and CM has to nip out, I'd rather DD be left warm and dry with her DH than out with her).

My mind is boggling at the thought of 70 and 45 year old sisters! I thought the 10 year gap between DD1 and DD2 was long enough! 25 years is extreme though!

25 year gap isnt that odd.

It sounds like the CM hasn't been very clear with you about what her set-up is - seems like she uses her CM sister as a permanent assistant/co-minder so she can care for more children or doesn't have to drag everyone on school runs. Maybe seek some clarity from her?

It isn't unusual for popular/busy childminders to have other staff too - I think they can work with up to two additional assistants or co-minders at a time.

There's less than 25 years between me and my mum

OP, YANBU but don't be worried. Speak to your CM though, you're the customer here.

I think you just need to sit down and clear the air my friend has and assistant and she's a childminder.

Find out how long she's gone for and why and weather or not your happy with this set up best to talk it out re ally she can't read your mind

As far as I'm aware she shouldn't have more than 1 under 1

www.pacey.org.uk/childminders/become_a_childminder/childminding_ratios/ratios_in_england.aspx

If her sister is also a cm then it would only be 2 under ones.

OP it doesnt sound like you as

There are 25 years between DH and his sister, it's not unheard of.

Asked too many questions about this setting if you dont know how many other babies or toddlers are thereor who will be in the house. Didnt you ask how many children she had on her books and who would be there or likely to be there when your child was prese t?

The situation per se, could be fine, but the CM should have been very clear and open when explaining how she operates to the OP.
I think the OP should make an appointment for a convenient time to have a proper conversation with the CM and establish what actually happens, and then have a think about how she feels about it, and if she wants to carry on there or not. I think there are some advantages to it, but if it's not what you signed up for, then it might not be right for you.

Agree with BackforGood

Some CM's have other people registered who work in the same household....for example, the CM's mother, or daughter, or husband could be registered, and take a mindee to the park, while the CM stays at home with another mindee who is taking a nap, or the other way around.

But this should be made clear to parents.

When I was childminding, DH wasn't registered, and so I wasn't able to go to the shop 10 meters away to buy a much needed bar of chocolate, while DH stayed at home with with mindee and DS who were both having afternoon naps. I would have been gone less than 30 seconds. (And DH wouldn't go for me!) So, I can only presume CM's sister is registered with your CM.....you do need to ask.