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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am NOT mean?

25 replies

Sparklysilversequins · 27/01/2014 16:57

Ds is saving. He's asked me for jobs round the house so that I will pay him and he can earn a bit extra on top of his pocket money. Today he hoovered and polished the living room (not a big room, only two surfaces to dust) and then hoovered the hall. Also took a bag of rubbish out to the bins. He did a really good job. I gave him £2.00. He was delighted. He's told me he wants to do this every other day and I have agreed he will get extra pocket money.

One thing to explain is he 11 and has autism, dyspraxia and other SN and because of these he's never really contributed with chores before, never really been able to and I have never expected it. However he is very high functioning and perfectly capable of understanding the concept of working and earning a few pounds for it.

So I was feeling chuffed to bits actually that he is now capable of this and that it is a valuable life skill, learning to keep his surroundings clean and tidy, yes?

Not my friend. When I told her, feeling happy, she did Shock then Hmm and said "I don't think it's on that you'r getting him to do YOUR jobs for you, especially with him having problems like he does, you are mean!" Hmm. She was kind of laughing but I could tell she was serious. WTF?! Am I wrong. Am I taking advantage? I personally think it's a massive leap forward for him both in the fact that he is physically capable of it and in his social learning (I shoe horned a mini lecture on how important keeping your surroundings clean while he was doing it). I just felt extremely deflated after that convo!

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 27/01/2014 16:58

She's being absolutely ridiculous. He has learnt a brilliant lesson and is obviously very pleased with himself. You should be proud! You're doing him a huge favour.

MikeLitoris · 27/01/2014 16:59

She is wrong.

It is always a good thing for children to understand that if they want something they should work for it.

Ignore her.

VanitasVanitatum · 27/01/2014 16:59

(a favour in that it is so good to learn a work ethic and the value of money I mean...)

YouTheCat · 27/01/2014 17:01

She is wrong. You are teaching him a valuable life skill and he is getting extra pocket money. Don't see the problem at all.

Supercosy · 27/01/2014 17:01

Yanbu. She is being very silly and patronising towards your son.

TheListingAttic · 27/01/2014 17:03

"YOUR jobs" - FFS! They're the responsibility of everyone in the house who's capable of helping - he's capable, and he's also learned that there are rewards for pitching in and working hard. He's earning a pocket money supplement and he's chuffed with himself. Happy times!

weebarra · 27/01/2014 17:04

She is wrong, it's great that he's able to and wants to contribute and that he can make the connection between doing his chores and earning money.

ScrabbleBabble · 27/01/2014 17:06

Some people just don't do chores and think it's mean on kids. Yanbu OP but just ignore her parenting 'style'.

maparole · 27/01/2014 17:06

She's being a prat. First, it's excellent for his self esteem that he has achieved something and gets the rewards for it. Second, it's excellent that he has learned some essential life skills. Third, these are not YOUR jobs; they are tasks created by all and therefore to be done by all.

Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 27/01/2014 17:07

I KNOW! Makes me worried about telling anyone else now and I am actually really proud of him, I don't think people will realise what a huge step this is for him.

I must say thought it WAS nice to be able to get on with the bathroom while he did it, everything got done so much quicker. He's a good lad Smile.

OP posts:
CuntyBunty · 27/01/2014 17:08

Another one for YANBU. It'll go a bit if the way in his life skills package. Your mate sounds a bit silly.

redcaryellowcar · 27/01/2014 17:09

i think you are being quite generous, but agree totally in the principle.

Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 27/01/2014 17:11

Generous? As in money? It will only be £2.00 this time as I wanted to really imprint the benefits of earning money on him. He knows it won't be as much as that in future more like 50p

OP posts:
Rosieliveson · 27/01/2014 17:11

Doing some housework in return for money is an ideal way to start learning about money, saving etc etc

Your friend is obviously being a bit of an obtuse plonker!!

Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 27/01/2014 17:11

Also that's the only coin I had in my purse!

OP posts:
VelvetGecko · 27/01/2014 17:16

Well I must be VU. My 5 yr old has jobs to do, age appropriate obviously, as did I growing up. Perfectly normal. You're friends children won't have a clue how to fend for themselves when they're older.

cardibach · 27/01/2014 17:24

Your friend IBU about 'your jobs'. However, I disagree with paying children to do chores because they are part of looking after the home that the whole family lives in. I get why you are happy, though, so YANBU really.

WilsonFrickett · 27/01/2014 17:25

I bet she did a when she was talking about his "problems" too... ignore her, YANBU. Also 'your' jobs? Hmm

InkleWinkle · 27/01/2014 17:26

She is being ridiculous.
Send him round here, if some one was going to do that here I would pay him £5!!

TrueToYou · 27/01/2014 17:28

Of course she's wrong!
And rude!
Even if I disagreed with someone else's parenting choices I would never make such negative comments!
YOUR jobs?! FFS! Is she a Stepford Wife?!

My ds is 6 and wants to buy something he didn't get for Xmas. He is working for the money, and is happy to do so. There is nothing in life that is free and I think it is a very important lesson that you work for something or make sacrifices in order to get what you want.

Wuxiapian · 27/01/2014 17:29

YANBU.

She's being daft.

Nanny0gg · 27/01/2014 17:31

I think it's fine to pay children to do chores that aren't intrinsically theirs so to speak.

So I wouldn't pay for bedroom tidying or dishwasher emptying or table laying, because they benefit from them.

Dusting living room, hovering the hall, I wouldn't mind so much. I would take issue with them just being 'my' jobs however, if there's another adult in the house!

Your friend is daft and well done to your DS.

Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 27/01/2014 17:33

The thing is he really struggles with practical planning. When he tidies his room he does not see the mess. I have to supervise and tell him in what order to do things. Tidying and cleaning is not something that would occur to him to do, so to get this opportunity to teach him "on the job" at his own request is huge. It's far more than earning money for work, it's the personal self care aspect, something I have always worried about his future with.

OP posts:
TheDetective · 27/01/2014 17:33

Yes, she is wrong! And if you are mean, what does that make me?

I don't give money for doing jobs in the house. We all live here, all make a mess, therefore we all clean up.

11 year old DS is expected to do all the jobs in his room (changing and making up his bed, polishing, hoovering and keeping tidy). He also empties bins, polishes, hoovers, puts loads of washing on as I ask. Sure he does other things too. Oh, he picks up dog poo too Grin.

I'm hopeful that there will be someone who will thank me for this one day Grin Wink.

TheDetective · 27/01/2014 17:34

Oh, and it is his job to tidy the living room after his little brother (14 months!) every day. So he puts the toys away, and puts everything back in it's place.

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