To consider having another baby in these crcumstances?

[lazycowsyndrome]

I think I probably am.

I already have ds1 5 and my relationship is down the pan for various reasons, dp just won't step up and is only a quarter of the way into family life. I don't know whether we'll honestly be together forever.

We've been trying for a baby but I don't even think dp is interested he's just going along with it and I think I've been perhaps hoping that things will change and now starting to realise they probably never will.

The thing is, I'm 30, ok I know I'm not old, but do feel as though time is running out. If dp and I do split up I can't see me ever meeting anyone else and even if I did and even if they wanted children it would take time to build up a relationship and make the decision, and by then it may be too late. Plus I feel like now would be the perfect age gap and ds craves a sibling.

My home is two bedrooms so the other issue would be space if I was to have a baby girl, I'm not really in a position to move house, but there is the possibility of splitting the bedroom in my house to make two small rooms.

It's quite likely that I would end up a single parent, I think I could manage, I have a good job with flexible hours but I'm not saying that it would be easy.

I'm so torn, on one hand I know that these are not ideal circumstances to bring a baby into, on the other hand I'm afraid that if I wait it may never happen, and I'm feeling as though in 10 years time I may really regret not having a second child.

If I do have a baby there's every chance that dp and I will split up and I will miss out on a chance of meeting someone I'm truly happy with, on the other hand if I make the break from dp, I may never meet anyone else and ds will always be an only child.

TBH i would rather use a sperm doner from a clinic than another child with this man.

I only read as far as "my relationship is down the pan" - there's your answer. You're only 30, don't bring a baby into a crap relationship. It's not fair to drag them into hassle - whether you stay with your partner or not, he'd still be the child's father and would have rights and responsibilities. Sort your relationship out first and wait and see where life takes you. This time 5 years ago I wasn't married and had one child. Now I'm married with 3. You never know what's in store for you, but you can't just go and make a new person because you feel like it's the perfect age gap. Have you considered what you'd do if the baby had special needs, or if it was a multiple pregnancy? I know that people accidentally fall pregnant all the time and they make do & manage, but it's really irresponsible to you, your child, your partner AND a new baby to bring someone else into a mess.

hmm, normally I'd say YABU, but your DS is 5. Realistically, if you split now, spend a year sorting out your head/divorce/getting your single life back, try to meet someone, what, 6-12 months, start dating, getting to the stage of being committed to them, 2 years? Then start trying for a baby (assuming they/you don't want to get married first), spend 6 months to get pregnant, then have the baby, your DS could be 9 before the baby is born. A 9 year gap means they won't really grow up together, they will never be at the same stage. If you want your DS to have the sibling experience as a child, you need to be having a baby relatively soon.

You could use a donor, or go out on the pull and have an accident, but if your DP is happy to have a DC2, then I'd go for it. But, on the other side, you owe it to both DCs to try to make a happy home for them - you don't mention what the problems are in your relationship, but are they ones that can be worked on?

What does your husband think?

I think if you are already trying and if having a second baby is important to you then go for it; you sound like you have your head screwed on where your relationship is concerned and you have accepted that things might not work out between the 2 of you. I'm also 30 and trying for my second - it took me 2 years to conceive my first and I think you are right to consider the fact that if you dont have a baby now it may not happen. And like someone else has already said it's not like you're tricking your husband - he's well aware of the fact you're trying so if you do fall pregnant it wont exactly come as a surprise to him.

I fell pregnant by accident when DS was 3 and my relationship with dh was very rocky (I know I know but it had taken 2 years to get pregnant the first time)

The problem is that then you are pregnant and hormonal/ sleep deprived with a newborn, which makes it even harder to make sensible relationship decisions. Also I am conscious now that it will be even harder if I am single with 2 children to support. So that side of my life/decision making is just on hold really

On the plus side ds dotes on his baby sister. And if dh and I do split I think ds would feel less alone for having a sibling

But on balance I think yabu to consciously do this. Its not really fair on the children. And I think its likely to just delay your ability to 'start over'