really really trying to tolerate my mum. she makes me so unhappy.

[saulaboutme]

I know IABU.

I'm a grown woman. I'm getting stressed with her.

My mum is sooo negative, pessimistic, miserable, cranky and I'm distancing myself which is pretty impossible. She's elderly but active, visits us twice a week which are the stressful times. I,don't know what to do.

I cannot tell her hardly anything as she gets worried and will go on and on. She holds grudges and boy doesn't mince her words. If I don't call she makes me feel bad.,doesn't listen. Is so impatient.

She's getting me so down. We were never very close and she wasn't particularly nice to me growing up.

Surely I can accept that's just the way she is? It's difficult.

YANBU - you are doing your best by her, which is something she failed to do for you - and you are perfectly entitled to your feelings about her.

It seems to be one of those tricks that life plays on you - you have to put up with having a crap parent as a child and then when you're an adult you feel responsible for their well-being.

You might find a sympathetic thread in 'Relationships' to help you at least get some of the resentment off your chest and maybe pick up some coping tips.

Thanks winterkills.

It's difficult. She and my older brother had a very hostile relationship and I had to put him straight about the way he spoke to her but I totally understand the way he feels. He's better with her now. Aside from that you're right it's coping I find hard.

I have tried to talk to her about the way she is but she's so bitter nothing will change. I've accepted how she is but she makes me frustrated.

Yes maybe I should move to relationships.

You don't have to accept that's just the way she is, dude.

My mum can be a real Grinch if she's allowed to get away with it, but neither me or my brother will give her an audience for it these days and she's much better for it. I made a choice a couple of years ago to try and have a more positive relationship with her and I started doing stuff like changing the subject or putting the phone down when the moaning got too much, and the message did sink in eventually. It's like training a toodler.

I also started being much nicer and friendlier when talking to her- instead of acting like a moody, silent teenager and that's been very beneficial all round too.

I know Saucyjack. I change the subject and sometimes just lardy dah trying not to let her get to me.

Everyone is "

Take a break from her. Explain why. Say you are clearly rubbing each other up the wrong way, that she seems constantly angry with you and maybe it's better if you cut back on the contact for a while.

See how she responds.

I know Saucyjack. I change the subject and sometimes just lardy dah trying not to let her get to me.

Everyone is "ridiculous" "waste of time" "pathetic" etc and she won't let anything go! She is full of resentment. Don't know why! I'm at the stage in my life where I have accepted our relationship and when I address things with her she just acts like...whatever.

Nancy 66 she would freak!
Although I would love to do that!

I think people get more negative as they get older too. My mum is lovely but can spend an entire phone call complaining which can be draining.

For example she will go round to my brother's place (he is single), let herself in and clean or iron then complain to me that she is running herself into the ground but he never asked or expected her to go.

I have found I have to let her complain a bit but then shut it down and be bright and breezy. I don't know if your mum lives alone but it must be difficult to not have someone to vent those things to so it builds up

No she has my sister next door and my dad who she barely speaks to. Brother round the corner so she's not on her own. I think I will have to listen the switch as well.
Coping strategies.

No she has my sister next door and my dad who she barely speaks to. Brother round the corner so she's not on her own. I think I will have to listen the switch as well.
Coping strategies.

YANBU. My mum irritate me sometimes. She is also very negative and it seems that nothing I do is good enough. I show her my 6 yo's work and that too is subject to criticism. Punctuation not good enough. At 6 and with no supervision/help ffs. I have an interview for a job this week that I would quite like and she told me it's not enough money. She was a SAHM until I was 14 and when she tried to get back to work at the age of nearly 50 she had to go back to college to get qualifications. That's admirable, yes, but she ended up doing minimum wage jobs until her retirement. The job I am going for far exceeds minimum wage (as does my current job) but she has it in her head I could do better. I never will earn masses as I am in the wrong profession (ironically what she did before she had me!). Even more irritating, she is very wealthy and does not shut up about the latest £8k cruise she's going on.

Phew. Sorry. As you were.

I can sympathise as my mum sounds very similar and in fact I had an argument with her over the phone just this afternoon. I usually tolerate her and have the patience to let her go on and moan and be negative but I was tired and feeling unwell so I just snapped at her! My mum thinks everything is against her and her life is so awful and she's just so negative about everything, yet she won't do anything to improve the situation or make things better for herself. I believe you make your own luck in life and that life is what you make it so I find her attitude very hard to take. She won't change now though despite me, my sister and my aunties trying!

Manchestermummy, it's amazing you're going for this job. I really hope you get it.

Em1503, snap. My mum is always complaining and won't change a thing. Her favorite word is no. I know it's hard to make important changes but it's like she wallows and there's no point.

I do think she's depressed and has been from my early memories.

Sorry got you both mixed up.

I tend to use the smile and mid quite alot. I don't know what she wants me to do!

I suppose I listen and it is draining.

Sorry my phone is so shit!!!!