with my concerns about this 'friend'?

[BrendaTheBanshee]

My daughter is 20 and has a friend she met online who she's been messaging/skyping/whatever else youngsters use these days. She thinks he's great and can't wait to meet up with him when we're next in the UK in the summer. Earlier she showed me a picture of DS(9 months) in the snow which she had sent to her friend as he asked her for one. Completely innocent picture of him wrapped up warm sitting on his sledge. But it's really freaked me out, the fact that some bloke she has never met is asking her for photos of her baby brother over the internet. She thinks I'm being weird as it was only in response to her saying how cute he looked (she was out with him at the time). Do you think he's just trying to impress her by showing interest in her baby brother whom she adores or am I right to be concerned?

Yanbu at all. I would be similarly concerned.

It is a bit weird. Has he asked for pictures of your DD (nothing sleazy), so it's a pattern of sharing pictures and sending them back and forth is part of their chats?

I don't think you need to be concerned, but perhaps keep an ear out for any other things that don't feel right.

Wouldn't bother me. Would it bother you if she'd been chatting to a woman?

If you're concerned about anything, look on the CEOP website for useful advice & information. You'll have to log in.

YABU. as someone said upthread - would you be concerned if it was a woman?

Seems like a perfectly normal thing to ask to see in a conversation about how cute someone's sibling is. If he had wanted to see loads of pictures then it'd be different.

If she were 10 or 15, I would be concerned, but she's 20. At 20 I had a 9mo DS myself, so IME I'd say she should know what to share/not to share.

Is she fairly streetwise as a rule? And you know your daughter, and how sensible she is.

PS Skype is usually chatting via video, I would think it easier to read peoples' intentions than just messaging IYSWIM

PPS I would be a bit peeved at her sending a photo without me having 'met' the other party - on this note YANBU

If she's been skyping and has used a webcam she knows that he is her age (I assume) which is one concern out of the way. I'm not sure where you are in the world - but my dds of a similar age are very aware of the issues around false identity due to the MTV show 'Catfish'.

Where she might not be so aware is that paedophiles groom women to get access to small children.

I would guess that this is a perfectly normal young man being nice to a young woman he likes - but it is worth spending an evening with your daughter and google something like "online grooming women access to children". Look at the sites together and she should realise why you expressed concern.

Is she fairly streetwise as a rule?

She thinks she is. I think she's incredibly naive. She has AS and is therefore very black and white in her thinking. She is extremely wary of strangers but once she considers someone a friend the barriers come down completely.

Skype doesn't always mean you've seen the actual person. It's easy to rig a fake webcam up with real footage of someone else and to manipulate someone into thinking it's you. Be careful for her OP.

On the other hand, not every bloke in the world in a paedophile just all the men known to MN users

Are people seriously this precious about a single photo of a not just fully clothed but very wrapped up baby?

Isnt this just a modern day penpal¿

I wouldn’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with the young man, but your DD needs some tighter rules about handing out photos. My rules would be, no sending pictures of other (adult) family members without their agreement first; and no sending pictures of young family members without their parents' (in this case, your) agreement.

She’s old enough to make decisions about herself but you (or other parents) are in charge of making those decisions for younger family members.

It might sound nitpicky but I'm the mother of a teenager with Asperger's so I know about making the rules crystal clear!

I think the baby pic is not necessarily weird, but I think you are right to be concerned. There are some things you should think about:

Is she happy for you to see the messages this person sends? Not that you should expect to read all her private correspondence (she is a grownup) but is she secretive about it?
Does he skype her with a webcam? Has he ever made a dramatic excuse as to why he suddenly can't webcam/talk on the phone?
How did this person first contact her? Was it out of the blue, do they have any (genuine, not online-only) friends who can vouch for him?
Is he 'too good to be true'? Does he like everything she likes, pay her lots of compliments, and very quickly ramp up the friendship (you're my best friend, I don't know what I'd do without you, etc)
Have you spotted any inconsistencies in anything he's said? Do you get a 'bad feeling'?