to give up and remove from prep for state?

[defeatedbystuff]

Not really an AIBU as I don't think I am but more for traffic I have also NC as I want to write stuff and not be outed.

so we have to admit defeat we cannot afford to continue to pay for school. Its a lovely school and my DDs are doing really well but
financially it is killing us. we can just about manage on 2 incomes but then we've had a whole raft of problems with childcare as the school after school care finishes at 5.
It takes about 1 hour round trip every morning and evening as it's not that close to us and we don't drive so we have a mix of taxi and bus.
I thought that it would be manageable but we haven't been able to afford a holiday for 2 years, we cant afford to buy a car which would make things easier.
We also need to move in July and I don't think we'll be able to put together enough to move, deposit and rent in time.
If we move closer to the school we'll need to pay more rent and school fees which I don't think we can do.
If we move away from our area to a new one we could all have a fresh start and they could go to a new state school. hopefully within walking distance which would make everyone's life easier.
My DH stopped working in November so we are only on 1 income now.
He doesn't want to go back to work as he quit due to stress at work and stress at home. I don't think he feels able to look for work at the moment both mentally and for the childcare problems.

I think we may have to admit defeat now and pull them from school for the rest of this year as we haven't been able to pay all this terms fees(but will pay by half term and school is aware) and for the summer term either keep them at home.
or maybe get them into the state school we want in the area we will move to for the summer term if they'll have them?
How likely is it that a school will accept them prior to us moving? as it would be about a 45 min round trip from where we live now. We are thinking of moving into a street very close to the new school.
any help/thought please

Sounds entirely sensible to pull the DCs from private school if it is crippling in terms of finances and quality of life.

You'd need to check the local authority's position on whether you need to be living in-zone or not - our one does require you be resident in zone (but the academy is heavily oversubscribed for most years). Can you rent in the area if need be?

Gosh. That sounds really tough. How do you feel about your husband being unemployed?

I would never put myself in a situation where I was paying school fees I couldn't afford. That is too much stress.

How old are your daughters? How do they feel about this?

A no brainer surely? If you can't afford to pay, then there is no other option. Most state schools are perfectly adequate or better.

Sorry I have no idea how easy it would be to get them in during school year though.

defeated Don't feel defeated, I can't afford private either and mine have done just fine in local primary schools, they've been to three different ones and they are all pretty good and certainly nothing to feel bad about. Mine are the type who supposedly need 'stretching' but the school always seems to find plenty to do and the academic standards they set are pretty high.

As for the moving thing, I would have an informal chat with the education admissions officer, that's what I did when I was moving. Email them or call them today. Outline the different scenarios, find out if you will need an address beforehand in the area (this is not always the case, in our case one place was allocated as there was room before we moved), and also find out if the school is oversubscribed and if there are places for both children. It may be to your advantage to move before the summer if it is oversubscibed as you can then go on the waiting lists earlier, and in some schools there is quite a bit of movement before Sept.

What I'm trying to say is that information is your friend in this situation. I know how awful money problems can be- also if you are unsure what to do/claim seek advice either on government websites, CAB or one of the free debt charity-lines.

I'd also contact your children's current school, tell them your income has dramatically reduced, outline that you will have to remove them at half-term and ask them for help. There may be a short-term fund/bursary which will apply, or they may be happy to reduce fees til the end of term.

Get info and you can start to take action. There's no point in stressing about the things that may not ever happen.

sounds like you have no choice.

Your kids will still get a good education and you'll be reducing the stress on family and finances.

Ah yes your school may have a bursary.

It is not a defeat take that thought from your head right now. You are reappraising your lives, for everybodies happiness your DH needs to be a SAHD currently. Your children would therefore benefit from being at a school close by that Daddy can walk them to and from.
Essentially if you both are happy and less stressed your children almost certainly will settle. If you are moving to it is staight forward to children we are moving house so need to move school.
We can make a plan in life, but the important part is to constantly reassess the plan and adapted it for changing circumstances.

crowler- he's happier/ish at home and is doing all the childcare and stuff at home

I need to look at the LEA about whether we need to be living there as it is in a different London borough to us not just we live no where near the catchment area.
Its a religious state school if that helps and they seem to be fairly strict about it and as we meet all the religious requirements for entry I'm hoping the fact that we will move over the summer they may give us some ley way and let them start in April?

Is there any way you can speak to the school and negotiate drastically reduced fees and/or a longer term payment plan until at least the end of the school year? If you don't ask, you won't ever know what the school would settle for.

I think I'd take it all in little sections, just one at a time. You can only do your best given whatever cooperation you get from other parties, but try not to worry yourself over it, it'll all be sorted out in the end.

Keep talking to the school - do they have bursaries do you know? We got stuck for a while ages ago and were given a bursary so we didn't have to move them at a tricky time. It kept them going and we moved house and school at the end of a school year which was, for us, less unsettling.

Does your DH have a teachable skill? A woman I know has negotiated reduced fees on the basis that both she and her DH teach their specialist subject (non-academic, but as far as I can see a standard and very popular subject within the curriculum at private schools) for a set number of hours per week.

If the state school you like the look of has vacancies, you will be offered them when you apply.

If however they don't, then you will have to join the waiting list and that is ordered by how well you fit the entrance criteria. If you know you fit the faith criteria, then you should be towards the top. But if there are other children who also fit the faith criteria, then the tie break is usually distance from the school. You can only apply from your current address (or perhaps a definite address (signed rental agreement/contract of sale exchanged) which you can show you are moving to shortly). So you may well miss out on distance until you actually move (at which point you leap up the list based on your new, shorter distance).

Phone the school and see what vacancies they have. They won't hold a place for you so you'll have to start when offered a place.

Ask where you'd be on the waiting list now and after you've moved.

Assuming you have already talked to their current school about the possibility of bursaries, and that's not going to work, then it's not defeat, it's the best solution for your family as a whole and therefore for your DC and YANBU at all to recognise that and act upon it.

PP have given far better advice than I could on new school admissions.

thanks I've spoken to DH about this post and were going to sit down tonight and gather info about who to contact at the state school and the LEA.
The DD's current school are not happy that we haven't paid on time so I really don't think they would be offering any help. We have a fairly firm feeling that we wont be encouraged back for the summer term without hard cash paid.
I've just checked the admissions criteria for the state school and we meet the first religious criteria so that will be ok. Due to the religious nature of the school I'm hoping that we will at least get on a waiting list if not a place

What Homebirthquestion said...it is often easier to get the school you want mid-year.

A word of warning - you need to check pronto with DC's current school if you haven't already given them notice - they could demand a term's notice which would leave you paying the summer term's fees whether they are there or not

I don't think it's about admitting defeat but changing things to get the balance right. Your DH is of work because of stress, you have no car or holidays but are paying what must be well over a thousand a month on school fees. You mentioned that you rent your property, do also own a property or would you like to? I would try and find state school places for your DDs like 93% of the population have done and then reduce your stress in your and DH's life.

often private schools require a terms notice as it is already well into spring term you may well be legally liable for summer terms fees in which case if you have to pay they may as well finish the year, can you talk to the bursar at the school about situation and see whether they will agree to paying till February half term and leaving then or whether they are going to insist on full notice can you pay monthly?

the school can not be expected to teach your children for free, however if a charity there must be some fund for either bursaries etc, so if just a prep school there should be some funding available

the private school near us is 3-18 but all bursaries and scholarships are for the senior part of the school only the only discounts below age 11 are if you are a teacher at the school or have more than one child in the school 10% off for 2nd child 25% for third

I don't think YABU at all but I would leave them to the end of the school year because, unless it is an unusual private school, you have to give a full term's notice and will therefore have to pay for the Summer term anyway. They might as well have the term there if you're paying for it.

I think you have to consider what's best for everyone in the family, in the round. Yes you may be making a compromise on quality of education and maybe behaviour, but with a good state school tjis will be minor. You and your DH have needs too which don't have to be subsumed to those of DCs. And DCs are better off with unstressed, happy and healthy parents than you both exhausting yourselves to pay privately.

I read recently that home support for education counts at least twice as much towards achievement as school. So if your DH becomes a SAHD and puts a lot of effort into homework, after school activities etc. they might even be better off.

I thought that generally the schools enforced the one-term's fees thing rather selectively, to avoid jockeying of school choices. If they know you're struggling they'd probably negotiate.

Hi thanks to everyone for posting and my DH has phoned the school we want they will take our DD2 now as they have a place for her, so she will start there after half term. They will have a place for DD1 in September but my DH is meeting the head teacher tomorrow to fill out paper work and discuss the possibility of DD1 starting earlier as they may be able to fit her in at the same time

I know we will still have to pay the school for this term and maybe next but at least we wont have the panic of "they will kick them out and they wont have any where to go"
As my DH's granddad used to say "you cant take a stocking off a naked leg"

You have an advantage in that you can deal with the schools directly if you want the children to join mid-year. They may have had someone leave during the year so there is an automatic place available without going through the LEA. Speak to the school secretary and ask for a meeting.

I don't believe your children will suffer by being in a state primary school and to be honest, my opinion is that private primary or prep is a bit indulgent where there are real good options. Perhaps your circumstances will change as the children get older and you will more readily be able to afford private secondary school, even during the GCSE years or 6th form.

Good luck.