AIBU to not invite the entire nursery class?

[Slightlyneuroricnat]

My daughter will start at the school nursery in April and she will turn 4 end of may.
We want to have a joint party for her and our younger daughter who will have just turned 3.
They have about 10 toddlers that would already be coming including family but as she will have just started nursery she won't have friendships formed I'm assuming by the time I would need to give out invites, so thinking it would be best to invite all the children, which would be 25.
Is this the done thing?

It's not ridiculous at all. It's personal choice. My DC have had whole class parties from 4th to 8th birthdays (well, DD will have for her 8th) because I like them and so do they. After that it is entirely up to them and so far DS has chosen to do more expensive things with a (much) smaller group of friends, which is fine by me.

OP - all, some (ask nursery staff who DD has bonded with) or none - it is entirely up to you and none of them will be frowned upon (although apparently all might be "ridiculous" ) - as they get older and are more aware of these things then leaving out a minority (so inviting 20 out of 25, for example) would raise a few eyebrows.

Thanks for all your replies.
I guess it isn't the " done " thing then!
Was my mother who said it would be unfair to only invite a few and when I said I won't invite any then she said that was ridiculous, that I'm setting the scene for other children not to invite her to theirs.

It may or may not be the done thing, but you certainly won't be setting up anything of the kind by inviting 2 or 3 that DD has come home talking about your mother is talking rubbish. Next year when she in reception would be plenty of time to consider having a whole class party (if you want to), and probably separate from your younger DC's party.

Sorry have just seen the newer replies.
I doubt my youngest would be fazed, she would have her little friends there and it would either be at a farm or a soft play so apart from the half hour of them sitting down eating and having some cake the rest of the time they would be playing so not on top of each other like it would be in a hall / house.
I did like the idea of it breaking the ice with some of the other parents and I'd hate for a child to feel left out if the party was spoken about at school etc :(
The children would all be 3/4 as its a school nursery not a private one

If your youngest would be happy with it i'd just go for it. It will be fun.

Thanks again for the new replies.
I think we will just save as much as we can over the next few months and if we have enough then a couple of weeks after she starts I'll send the invites in to the whole class but ask for confirmation within a week so I can confirm numbers / meals.
I think for the following year I'll do the same for my youngest and my eldest will then know who she enjoys playing with and can pick some to come along.
These parties sure add up at £17 a head!!

It's fine to either invite whole class or invite just a few. Whatever you are comfortable with. Just as long as you are reasonably discreet about it. Not like the parents who put put party hats on the invited children in front of the non invited children as they were waiting in line to be picked up from school, as happened at my dd's schoool last week.

I don't invite the whole classes. I have joint parties for the DCs as their birthdays are both in the same week. A lot of places only have maximum capacity anyway. The soft play we had last year could only accept 20 anyway so they got to pick 10 of their friends each and do it that way. i will be doing the same this year.

if its soft play/farm place, etc where you pay per person then I wouldnt invite the whole class. I have only done full class invites when you pay a set price for the venue and it doesnt matter how many people are there.
When ds had a party at nursery he only invited his wee nursery group as he had his party at a soft play place where you had to pay for each person. The full class parties have been in a sports centre hall where it didnt matter if extra siblings joined in.

No the places we are looking at are per person and are both about £17 each kid which includes entry / food / party bag / face painting

i think it is fine to choose who to invite;
the only thing that is not on is to invite the whole class except 2-5 children ( depending on class size) if there is 12 in class inviting 10 is bad form if 30 in class inviting 23-25 is bad form; but 7 out of 12 or 16 out of 30 would be fine; I think once you get above 60-70% of class it is unfair to leave a few out
one of DD friends had a fairy party and just invited the girls, another invited whole class but then it was a joint party with her best friend, some just choose 8-10 friends its all OK

OP, I really wouldn't stretch yourselves financially to invite more IIWY. Invite the 2-3 friends that DD is coming home talking about. Truly, honestly No one will judge you for it. As PP have said, it's only if you are having something like a party in a hall where extra heads don't change the cost that much that it is worth even considering inviting the whole class.

10 is the ideal number I would stick at that.

Agree with stealth. The teachers are quite discreet about it OP. They slip them in the Bookbags during the day when the Children are busy playing. Wishing I hadn't bumped into a particular Mum recently. I always invite her DC and she had just they had organised one for X and I didn't know where to put my face. Luckily Dd was too busy playing to notice our conversation but it made me feel :( for her. As others have said if its a big hall thing then yes invite the whole class but if its something you have to pay for I wouldnt break my neck financially. Also some parents will RSVP and still not turn up on the day. I had 3 RSVP and not come on the day. Thankfully it was one of those where your invoiced on the day. This year I have to pay upfront and would be pissed miffed if they did the same this year.

I would feel awful if mine were left out so soon after starting nursery especially if the majority were invited hence me thinking it's more fair to either invite none and just stick to their friends outside it or invite them all for nursery year and then by by reception I'm assuming they will have their friends who they spend more time with than others.

I think inviting 3 or 4 out of 25 would not make anyone feel left out.

Crikey, £17 a head is a lot for a whole class +10, We only managed to do it because it was a hall and bouncy castle. The entire thing cost about £60 incl. food. Purposely kept it low key and less specialized because I was new to the area and wanted it to be a bit of an icebreaker for parents too. Probably wouldn't have gone down the whole class route with a soft play though.
Because you're doing such an expensive thing it might be best to invite just family etc and keep numbers low and do something bigger next year.

Whatever you do, I don't think you're going to offend anyone or set your daughter up for being left out at this age. It tends to be when all but a very few are invited that people feel aggrieved.

We are thinking a farm that has a soft play inside it so that all the parents aren't on top of each other and would just be together for the last half hour with the food and cake but are free to go and look at the animals / sand pit / tractor rides / play frame inbetween and I always think its slightly awkward just standing around in soft plays at parties if you don't know anyone particularly well ( which I wont! )
It is expensive but this is the first party they will have had, theyve always just had days out for them before and my eldest has been asking for one for months now.