Sorry if this is an epic, but I'd honestly appreciate MN thoughts
Dad's 90 this year, with a massive back story of stunning meanness, abuse, manipulation and hatred of practically everyone. Mum died in 2001 but at least he's stayed active, shopping for himself, buying meals for the freezer, coming to us on the bus for meals and so on
This all changed after Christmas, not long after he finally stopped driving. Deafness prevents him hearing the phone, but my repeated visits have shown he's now spending much of each day in bed - not for health reasons, since physically he's fine, but to save on heating. I know this sounds incredible, but please trust me that I know the man and this is certain, despite him actually being very well off
I've now discovered his lovely neighbours are taking him a dinner four times a week - he's clearly used a "poor old guy" act, which is ironic since he previously hated them too. This has stopped him leaving the house at all, since he no longer needs to shop, and it seems he now only gets up when he knows a meal is coming - I suspect he simply doesn't eat on the other three days, again to avoid spending anything
Obviously this isn't helping him in the long run, and I know it's not for me to tell others what they should do, but the point is this: Is there anything I can (or should) say to the neighbours about it?? I really don't want to cause offence, but I don't like to see folk being manipulated either, and as I said, their kindness is actually making him worse. Frankly I feel a bit stuck - any ideas, anyone??