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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to enjoy getting up at night to feed my baby?

37 replies

PorkPieandPickle · 26/01/2014 09:55

All my antenatal/baby group friends with babies of a similar age (dd is 6 weeks) moan about it, but I don't mind being tired. They are all expressing so their DH's can do a night feed at the weekend. DH has been eager to try this too, so I expressed this week and he did last night... I hated it :(

I didn't like not responding myself when dd cried, and my boobs were doing that tingly thing responding to her crying. I was awake for about half an hour after that anyway listening to DH put lights on, boil kettle and dd occasionally whimpering while waiting. By 6am my boobs were solid and sore and keeping me awake, and by 7am I was in the kitchen sterilising my pump with milk literally pouring out my boobs all over the kitchen floor.

Pumped to ease pain, went back to bed as dd still asleep, but just lay waiting for her to wake up, as I hadn't cuddled her since 11pm and missed her warm little body. Loved feeding her again this morning!! Everyone else seems to think this makes for an ace night :S I think I slept less, I missed dd and I need to clean the kitchen floor and change the bed sheets!!! Am I weird? WIBU to tell DH I don't actually want to do this again?

OP posts:

MatryoshkaDoll · 26/01/2014 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsnotthateasy · 26/01/2014 10:00

YANBU

I loved doing the night feeds with all four of my babies ,, It was so peaceful and quiet and just me and them .. Cherish it :)

SpikeHairandFab · 26/01/2014 10:02

If you don't like then don't do it. But wait until your DD is say 6 months or more..... I think you may change your mind a bit , but for now you are not BU

PansOnFire · 26/01/2014 10:02

YANBU, I think a lot of mums feel like that about handing the baby to someone else to feed even if it's the baby's dad. But, consider your DH before you tell him you'll be doing all the feeds from now on because feeding provides valuable bonding time for him and the baby too. 6 weeks is still very little, but just consider how it might affect him. If he doesn't mind then YANBU, newborn cuddles are the best and you'll miss them when your 1 year old is beating you up and not wanting to be cuddled to sleep! And you might feel differently in a few weeks when the tiredness really sets in, but then again you might not.

MarlenaGru · 26/01/2014 10:02

YANBU but your baby is only 6 weeks old and it sounds like he settles easily after feeds. Come back in 6 months time and if you still enjoy it then YABUntruthful!

To be fair to the others my DD would never settle at night so night feeds were from about 1 until 6 with about 2 hours unbroken sleep. Not one quick feed with baby straight back to sleep after.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 26/01/2014 10:02

God no you're not weird! I'm a bit of a night owl at the best of times and when you can catch up with sleep in the day who cares if your sleep is a bit broken? I co slept and loved that even more.

I did express so XP could do a feed but not at night. If I have children with DH the same will apply - night feeds are actually thought to be really important for supply, too (I doubt you'll have done any damage by missing one though). I read a lovely description once of a husband sharing the night feeds by cuddling his wife from behind as she breastfed lying down, so he could gaze lovingly at the newborn just as she could and it being a really special moment for the three of them, their family.

XP never actually wanted to do a night feed but if he had I think I'd have said no as night feeds to me are about getting done with as little fuss and fanfare and as you say it's horrible to wake up engorged - if you miss one in the day you're awake so can express off to keep supply going and keep you comfortable, and then freeze the milk for a time when you're going out or DH wants to do another feed.

bigredbook · 26/01/2014 10:03

Yanbu. But I did mind when they were 18 months and still feeding through the night!

Original poster

PorkPieandPickle · 26/01/2014 10:03

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! I don't want to be selfish to DH, but I want her all to myself at night, and the alternative just seems a pain in the arse- what a palaver!! I shall tell him to go back to making me cups of tea!!

OP posts:

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 26/01/2014 10:03

Marlena I still enjoyed night feeds after 6 months. Not every one, granted, but the ones I didn't enjoy as such I still didn't mind.

Original poster

PorkPieandPickle · 26/01/2014 10:06

I shall indeed return in 6 months and tell you if I've changed my mind!!
I think if DH wants to do an evening feed however so I can pop off and have a leisurely bath, that's a different story...

OP posts:

SqutterNutBaush · 26/01/2014 10:06

I was the same OP however DD is now almost 11 months and still hadn't slept for more than 2 hours at a stretch...

Getting a bit fed up og it now

happy2bhomely · 26/01/2014 10:07

Not weird at all. I co slept with all of mine because I missed them during the night and couldn't sleep without them in my arms. Luckily all five babies have been more than happy with this arrangement! I just breast fed as and when they wanted to and everyone got lots of sleep.

DH has never expressed a wish to feed them. He's always been quite hands off for the first few weeks, which worked well for me because I was quite fiercely protective/possessive over them.

He does his fair share. For example, now little one is 8 months, he gets her up and changes her. Takes her down for a while in the morning so I get an extra bit of sleep/shower, and they get some one on one time.

It works for us. He works out of the house 60 hours a week, so I do the majority of childcare. It has not affected their relationship with him at all. They adore him.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 26/01/2014 10:07

Ooh yes, that sounds lovely

ivanapoo · 26/01/2014 10:08

YANBU at six weeks... Even now with 13 month DS seeing him all sleepy is very cute, but the sleep deprivation is not!

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 26/01/2014 10:09

I felt like that at first, but as the time grew on and 6 months without a decent stretch of time I was glad of that first night when DH was able to feed PFB in the night.

JustTryEverything · 26/01/2014 10:13

YANBU at all. Enjoy this precious time with your baby and good for you to be so positive and embrace the tiredness and appreciate that the end result is just soooo worth it. I had incredibly low expectations of how much sleep I would get with a newborn so, like you, felt that feeding time in the dark when everyone else was asleep was a beautiful and magical time for just me and my tiny new baby to enjoy.

I think it is a great idea to try expressing and sounds like your baby and DH would be OK if you HAD to do it (if u were ill / away / really needed the extra sleep) but if you are happy with the way things are going then there is absolutely no need for you to feel pressure from your friends or DH to do anything else.

It's lovely that DH wants to be involved so maybe he could try an evening feed whilst you set yourself up comfortably on the sofa / with good TV on to have a good old pump to prevent the sore boobs. Or, if he wants to help you - maybe he can do an expressed feed in they day whilst you have a few hours to go for a swim or something. I always found my boobs seemed to adjust better with missed day feeds but like you a missed night feed meant rock hard lumps that needed a baby NOW as soon as I woke up!

Ledkr · 26/01/2014 10:14

Yes I enjoyed the first few weeks but the novelty soon wore off when she was still regularly waking at aged 2

OpalQuartz · 26/01/2014 10:18

You sound like someone who'd enjoy cosleeping op

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 26/01/2014 10:19

When they're still waking at over 6 months or whenever the novelty wears off, that's when co sleeping comes into its own. You barely have to wake up yourself, and you still get to wake up to a happy adoring grinning baby :)

maddening · 26/01/2014 10:21

Yanbu - but everyone and every baby is different - it's not a bad thing to not enjoy night wakings and some babies don't settle down so easily.

I ended up cosleeping with ds as he woke through the night till after 2 and there was a period of 5 weeks where ds would not sleep without being held - we took shifts to hold him while he slept - they were hard.

it's fab that is how it is for you.

Original poster

PorkPieandPickle · 26/01/2014 10:29

I do fancy co -sleeping but it does worry me a bit as I'm not sure how to do it safely.

I'm probably very naive and PFB still- I'm sure I'll much like everyone else if she's still waking up in a year!

I love that DH wants to be involved, but for me, it will have to be In another way, that was way too uncomfortable for my liking.

OP posts:

GertBySea · 26/01/2014 10:30

I would have much preferred DH to do a late evening / evening feed when my milk was low. During the night it's surely one if the perks of breast feeding that you don't have to put lights on, boil kettle etc.

Whimpering? You've got a good 'un. When she's a bit bigger she might not be so patient.

puntasticusername · 26/01/2014 11:10

YANBU. I love the night feeds. DH keeps asking do I want to feed DS in bed so I don't have to get out and get cold...and oddly enough I keep saying no, I'd rather go and sit in the nursery and dick around extensively on mn

I have a hot drink (in an insulated mug) and a stash of chocolate bars waiting for me - it's highly civilised, really.

But yes, DS is only six weeks old and I'm sure the novelty will have decidedly worn off if he's still at it in a year's time!

noblegiraffe · 26/01/2014 11:16

My dd is 12 months and woke up 4 times last night. I tried to get DH to settle her but she just cried louder and I had to get up and feed her so she wouldn't wake DC1.

Novelty has definitely worn off. Especially as I'm back at work.

That said, I fed DC1 for 17 months and DD is still bfed and I have never expressed and they've never had formula so it certainly isn't something you have to do.

Dorris83 · 26/01/2014 11:18

Aww YANBU OP .

My DS is 9 months and I mostly don't mind the night feeds as he also settles quickly after his feed. It is so quiet and peaceful and I just sniff his head and feel him fall back asleep on me. Now that he is older he also likes to stroke my chest, or have his hand on my skin which is lovely.

I never expressed or gave him a bottle as there hasn't really been a need and DH was happy for me to do the feeding. He and ds did plenty of bonding through nappy changes, bath times, playing, winding, cuddles etc.

My friend has a great system with her DH. She expresses for the evening (just before baby's bedtime) feed and her DH does bedtime. She gets to go out for a run, or have a bath, or basically do whatever she likes, which she really cherishes.

Enjoy your little girl

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