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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this note I am about to leave for a neighbour U?

68 replies

eggwhitesandsugar · 26/01/2014 09:39

We bought a house with a parking space. Official spaces are at a premium here (one per property). We only sometimes need our space for a friend's car - mostly we park in front of our house. Sometimes there isn't room in front of our house so we also need the space. The space is around the corner from our house, so a) not convenient and b) not immediately obvious it belongs to our house although it clearly belongs to 'a house' as it's in front of a garage.

Since the end of the summer someone has been parking in our space regularly. We left a note in October (AIBU said I was NBU then) asking for some contact details - we don't mind them using their space when we don't need it but we want to be able to get them to move if we do need it, since we paid for the space with the house.

Their response was to park directly opposite our house for the next two weeks, but at least we could use our space again!

In the last week they've been back there. There is space away from the immediate area by our houses and they should have a space of their own as well directly in front of their flat. We have already once needed to use the space and not been able to do so, hence note #2:

"Hi,

This is the parking space that belongs to [house no.]. As we explained in the last note we left we don't always need it and don't mind so much when you use it.

However we do need to be able to contact you and ask you to move your car when we need the space or to move large furniture from the garage - this has already happened once and we couldn't contact you and had to park elsewhere. That was quite annoying as we bought the house with a space and had already asked for your details.

Please can you pop your details (name/number) over, or knock on the door and say hi.

Thanks,

[Eggs & DP]"

Is it too U? Are there tones of Hyacinth Bucket?

OP posts:

StoorieHoose · 26/01/2014 09:59

If I was you I would park in it all the time. Yes it's not near your house but effectively you are taking up 2 spaces when you don't use your space and park in front of your house instead.

If you own it, use it

ButICantaloupe · 26/01/2014 10:00

YY to the suggestions of a lockable bollard.

orangepudding · 26/01/2014 10:01

They have had a chance, this time don't be so accommodating.
I would stick CSIJanner note on the car.

Scuttlebug · 26/01/2014 10:01

family has it spot on. Your niceness is being abused and this won't stop until you are firmer. They probably don't want the hassle of parking in your space and then having to free it up when you need your space...it's a ridiculous situation that you are allowing to happen. Fuck em!

blackandwhiteandredallover · 26/01/2014 10:02

I think just keep it simple and ask them not to park there. What if you need it and they've gone away for the weekend? Or it's late and you have to get them out of bed? I think by trying to be too reasonable you will end up making things difficult and uncomfortable for everyone. Or they will just continue to ignore you.

blackandwhiteandredallover · 26/01/2014 10:04

In fact I would just park there all the time and free up the space in front of your house. Problem solved!

BellaVita · 26/01/2014 10:05

I would be the same as FamilyGuy.

PasswordProtected · 26/01/2014 10:06

Get them towed away. They are tresspassing.

HoneyandRum · 26/01/2014 10:11

You could put up a sign with the license plate numbers of all cars you permit to use the space - underneath the numbers say "All others will be towed".

Original poster

eggwhitesandsugar · 26/01/2014 10:16

For all those saying we should park in front of our garage - see my previous post. Our car is much smaller than our friend's so actually we are taking up less space by us parking on the street and him in our space. I'd rather do the favour for someone we know than allow a complete stranger carte blanche. However he only needs it sometimes - I guess we could use it when he doesn't need it, but that's up to DP who uses it in the week (I don't use our car).

OP posts:

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly · 26/01/2014 10:19

If you feel you really need their details, you can try getting them from DVLA.

www.gov.uk/request-information-from-dvla

complexnumber · 26/01/2014 10:24

I understand that they have been taking the piss by parking there after you have already asked them not to, but I would still try to remain civil and not make any threats that you are unlikely to follow up.

I heard that letters in these sorts of circumstances are most effective when you are able to get the reader to empathise with you, rather than creating a hostile 'us vs them' environment.

However, I suppose a bollard would do the trick quite well

MrsKoala · 26/01/2014 10:26

I think, as others have said, your note is too nice and people who take the piss will exploit this. What you need in the note is:

what they are doing wrong
what they need to do to stop this
what the repercussions will be if they don't comply

So something like. 'You are parking in a private space. Please do not park here again. If you persist we will have to take matters further'

Ragwort · 26/01/2014 10:31

Do you know who is using the parking space? If you do, surely the most reasonable thing is to have a word with them first? I live in an area where parking is awkward but it is so much more civilised to try and speak to someone first rather than leaving notes.

pizzachickenhotforyou · 26/01/2014 10:33

Just get a bollard and give your friend a key.

LiegeAndLief · 26/01/2014 10:37

I'm not sure contact details will really help anyway. What if they've got a taxi to the airport and gone away for 2 weeks?!

Lagoonablue · 26/01/2014 10:43

Agree. Face to face contact is better. Notes just get people annoyed.

WeAreEternal · 26/01/2014 11:00

After a despute over a neighbour letting her daughter park for days on end in our off road parking space (we have a drive so only use the space for visitors) we discovered that you should never give any kind of permission to use the space.

We had said the same as you, it's fine if we are not using it but if we need it you have to move, all was fine for a while but then she started taking liberties.
She would leave the car in our space for most of the week and if we went round to ask her to move it she would either not answer the door or make up an excuse as to why she couldn't. On more than one occasion a friend left my house and returned to their car to find her car blocking them in (and blocking the access to everyone else's spaces) a few times she was actually sitting in her car and just glared at them for daring to park in space.
Once she actually got out of her car and told my visitor that they should no be parking there, that she had shopping in her car that was now defrosted because she had to sit and wait for them to return to move their car, she basically told them off as if they had parked in her space.

Eventually we got sick of her behaviour and having to go round every single time we needed to use our own space so we decided to ask her to no longer park there. At first she just ignored the request, she would park there regardless and tell us we were being ridiculous if we asked her to move we tried to talk to the neighbour and her daughter on several occasions but they genuinely believed we were being completely unreasonable for telling her she couldn't park in a space we didn't use when it had been 'perfectly fine' before then.
We decided to move our bins into the space, to prove the point, but she would just move them and park there anyway.
So I started parking DPs car in the space, to which she decided I was just being ridiculous for the sake of it and her retaliation was to start parking in 'DP's' space on our driveway!
Eventually we made the decision to have collapsible bollards put in the space after 18 months of it.

Every persons I spoke to said you should never give someone permission to use your property because if you do you will have trouble getting rid of them, and they were right.

The funny thing is that since we've actually regained use of our space we started using it quite regularly, probably 5/6 times a week there is a visitors car parked there, so we weren't really being too unreasonable to want it in the end.

Original poster

eggwhitesandsugar · 26/01/2014 11:10

Thanks Eternal that's a pretty worrying story - glad you got your space back, we should do the same!

I can't speak to them face to face - I also work away in the week and I've only seen them once, at 0630 in the morning when we were getting in the car to go to the station. I have been trying to keep an eye out to no avail. They know where we are clearly, a) by the first note and b) by the passive-aggressive parking in front of our house the first time we asked them to stop (it was a bit weird - they'd lined the car up precisely in front of our window even though it slightly blocked the drive opposite, not the natural place to park IYSWIM).

You are convincing me that we shouldn't give them any wiggle room. We do need the space every weekend and DP uses it sometimes in the week when it's free. Plus we let a lot of neighbours (we are a very close knit community, but can't find out who this person is - no one knows them) use our garage space for furniture so we will need the access.

OP posts:

whois · 26/01/2014 11:32

I don't think the note is wording very well. You're giving mixed messages re not minding if they park there but it being inconvenient.

Hi. This parking space belongs to house x. We need access to our parking space and garage and have already been inconvenienced by you parking here. Do not park here again. If we need to gain access to our garage and your car is parked here, it will be towed.

whois · 26/01/2014 11:35

Also call the non emergency police number every time it is parked there and say someone has blocked in access to your garage.

CrohnicallyFarting · 26/01/2014 11:38

I agree with everyone who has said tell them not to use it at all.

Re the lockable bollards, wouldn't it be a shame if you got a company out to install one, and the car was parked there that day? And even though you've asked for contact details before, the car owners didn't leave them so you had no choice but to go ahead with the installation, blocking them in?

oohdaddypig · 26/01/2014 11:54

I agree with everyone who thinks you are being fart too reasonable.

Tbh, I would interpret the parking in front of your house for 2 weeks then going back to using your space as quite unpleasant behaviour.

I would leave another note saying stop using. No niceness and get a lockable bollard.

Cheeky sods!

oohdaddypig · 26/01/2014 11:54

Far - not "fart" stupid farty fone!!

SeaSickSal · 26/01/2014 11:55

The note sounds fine. BUT if I was any of your neighbours I would be a bit pissed off with you. If parking space is at a premium YABU to have a space and not use it. Effectively you are taking up two spaces with one car and putting more pressure on everybody else parking.

My Mum and Dad do this, they have a disabled space just to the side of their house but they often park in the space just next to it which is slightly closer to the house. I think it's incredibly rude that they leave a space nobody else can use empty while pinching the one they can use.

As I said, the note is fine, but if I was you I would consider just using your paid for space. I think the neighbour might be irritated that you have this space but are taking up another one and is making a point.

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