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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does home schooling appeal ?

456 replies

SeptemberFlowers · 26/01/2014 09:36

I myself would be far to scared to do it with my dc's as I'd be needing to reach for the Wine most weekends of having to teach them curricular that I was shit at at school.

Why does it appeal to so many people ? There are a few children in the next village (live in a rural location) who are HE but only because their mother doesn't trust other adults with her children. I know this an extreme case but the only one I know personally.

How would you know your child is learning all the correct syllabus for different subjects ?

OP posts:
MellowAutumn · 27/01/2014 08:20

Commander6 - How is it harder? I would have thought that yes more complicated sometimes with family other commitments but I would have thought in the main far more organised, better study and life skills and more committed - the fall out rate is much lover than 'normal' undergrads.

MellowAutumn · 27/01/2014 08:32

Tamerb - The point is that statistics prove that YES indeed kids in areas with 'poor educational' achievement can indeed out perform thier schooled middle class counterparts if Home Edded by committed parents. The main problem with the traditional school system !

I never said your husband should have traded all that in - Just that HE COULD HAVE and statistically ended up with the same qualifications - Just trying to suggest to you that there is the possibilities of other ways and that many people are capable of much more than they believe and that HE is viable - FFS there are thousands of us doing it.

And many HEdders take qualifications - some dont and some DO GET INTO TOP unis and yes on SCIENCE courses - not with 'a love of science ' more likely having published a research paper or invented something or set up a dot com etc

And why bother with uni ? well many HEdders don't the same way many schooled people don't - Many do because of oh yes the qualifications that many of us including mine take ! Or wanting to become Doctors or accountants or nuclear scientist ( though we do have a small nuclear reactor in the utility room don't you know) whatever that is something that can't be taught at home . Or for just the normal teenage reasons of wanting to leave home , have a great social life and get pissed.

MellowAutumn · 27/01/2014 08:38

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_homeschooled_people

TamerB · 27/01/2014 08:45

DH did publish a research paper at university with his tutor.- not something your average 16 yr old does.
You really do live in cloud cuckoo land! I have said my last word and will leave you there!

morethanpotatoprints · 27/01/2014 10:04

Zoe

I think makes a valid point, at first I was a little concerned as to what dd should be doing and corresponding with the school year and curriculum for each subject.
I found that it makes no difference at all. It doesn't matter if they do contents of y6 before y4 if they are so inclined.
As long as they get there in the end what does it matter?
My dd loves History, she studies what she likes, sometimes its a topic covered by the curriculum, sometimes it isn't.
There again sometimes its covered really indepth far more than it is by the curriculum, it doesn't matter. If you omit something and add something else, it doesn't matter.

OTheHugeManatee · 27/01/2014 13:47

There's no reason in principle why someone shouldn't teach themselves to university application standard. I was substantially self-taught (with teachers mostly just marking my test papers) for most of my A levels and got all As.

Just wanted to say I've found this thread really interesting. My only exposure to HE before was really the anti-establishment angle; I'm a bit sceptical of that, as I don't think it's very kind to one's DC to co-opt them as a vehicle for protest like that. But reading HEers' responses here suggests most do it simply because their child has needs that can't be accommodated in the available school. In which case it seems to me commendable, and a pretty epic commitment.

I'm also intrigued by the minority who think all children should be registered as in/out of education 'for safeguarding reasons'. I've been trying to work out why I object to that idea. I think it's because it implies acceptance of a highly intrusive level of state involvement in the lives of individuals, on the basis that preventing even one disaster means we should all live under constant surveillance. Reading this thread has made me realise I disagree with this. But I think that's another thread altogether Grin

Commander6 · 27/01/2014 14:49

A lot of Home Edders want to drop out of the system. So they are not going to want state intervention in their homes.

I do find it ironic though that their children do have to opt in at an older age to get those qualifications.

And unless you work for yourself,the children will again have to opt in to society. So need to be able to work with all sorts of people.

It mattered hugely to mine that they didnt just "get there in the end".
Most people dont want to "get there in the end". You have to sacrifice an awful lot of things to do that. And most people do not want to come in last along the way too.

morethanpotatoprints · 27/01/2014 15:21

Commander6

H.ed dc don't necessarily have to opt into education in the end and some actually choose to.
Nothing is for ever is it? We may continue H.ed through secondary or dd may choose to go to a particular school she has her eyes on Grin We have the choice to do what we like, and that is good.

Who says H.ed dc opt out of society? I have never heard of this before. Getting there in the end is not a bad thing imo, far better than your dc having pressure to perform to tests all the time, but its each to their own.
I can assure there is nothing at all to assume that a H.ed dc will come in last, whatever gave you that idea.
You seem to have a lot of opinions on the subject, have you researched much about alternative forms of education? Maybe you aren't in a position to do this for your children so are defensive and dismissive of others choices.

Minifingers · 27/01/2014 15:46

"Most people dont want to "get there in the end". You have to sacrifice an awful lot of things to do that."

What are you thinking of in particular?

I think children who attend school make huge sacrifices, particularly in relation to time - wasted time, hours and hours and hours of it. Week in, week out. Queuing. Waiting to get permission to do a wee. Listening to other children being told off. Sitting with their hand up waiting to be listened to. I think adults forget what school is like.

streakybacon · 27/01/2014 15:49

I haven't contributed to this thread till now because I haven't had time to get involved in the conversation. I've home educated for over five years and while it's extremely challenging, it's also the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I've ever done. I am satisfied that I've given my son the best start he could have had and he's thriving on all levels.

The poster above who said that she could never have supported her son's dyslexia to the same standard as school did has been incredibly lucky. Luck plays a huge part in SN. My son (autism and ADHD) was failed dismally by two mainstream primary schools and the LA. His school also prevented him getting his ADHD dx which didn't come until he was withdrawn and I was able to submit private tutors' reports to the assessment. Without this he wouldn't now have the medication he has needed to help him cope with daily life.

Someone also said Every child has the right to a decent education, not every parent is up to providing it, even if they think they are. I agree, but you could change 'parent' to 'school' and it would be just as accurate.

As for safeguarding, there's nothing to suggest that children who go to school are any safer than those who don't. In fact, the cases we hear about in the media are all school-educated children. Even if concerns are picked up by caring teachers there is no guarantee that the system will protect those children, as recent cases have highlighted. As others have said, there already exists a mechanism for safeguarding all children, regardless of how they are educated. Home Education itself presents no immediate cause for concern. Incidentally, removing my son from the school environment was an act of child protection. He was being badly harmed and there was no help for him - he certainly wasn't safe or being protected in that environment (even our GP advised that we consider HE for the sake of his mental health). Bullied by children and mismanaged by staff, he didn't stand a chance.

My dh and I are both working class and poorly educated. We have a dismal five O levels between us. He is an unskilled factory worker and I'm an 'office supervisor' who hasn't worked in twelve years for health reasons. We're not the middle class, well-off stereotypes one generally thinks of as home educators, nor do we do it for religious reasons. But we take our responsibility as parents seriously and don't delegate his education to people who have already failed him and in whom we have no trust. What we can't manage ourselves we delegate to tutors. We plan ahead for his future and already have appropriate college plans in place. He is already ahead of his peers in many subjects, has a handful of IGCSEs and is preparing for more this summer and next, and he has better opportunities now than he'd ever have had if he'd stayed in school.

I've come to know a lot of home educators in my time and the vast majority have similar approach to mine. They may not all educate the same way that I would but I have seen no indication of neglect, and most have strong social abilities and wide circles of friends and acquaintances. Any instances of 'not coping' have led to the child being placed in school - always the child has come first.

Neither school education nor home education is perfect, and a lot depends on how each option suits the individual child. The law as it stands states clearly that a child's education is the responsibility of the parent so we should respect their choice to fulfil that responsibility in the way they see fit, as should those LAs who continue to operate outside of legal guidelines.

Commander6 · 27/01/2014 16:07

"Most people dont want to "get there in the end". You have to sacrifice an awful lot of things to do that."

I agree that those sentences are not the best I have ever written.

"Most people dont want to "get there in the end". grr. What a horrid thought. Why cant you get there in the beginning? Reminds me of those families who are always late for everything.

It is especially worse with education. If you are forced, because of being Home Ed to be a mature student or "get there in the end" education wise, it starts to impact on your whole life.

While your peers are out in the world partying, sociallising, meeting people from all walks of life, travelling etc, you are still studying.

And even if you would want to get married, you are unlikely to have as much money as your peers because, wait for it, you are still studying.

Yes, I am sure Home Eds are going to pull this post apart, but please think about the impact this has on your children, neigh young adults and adults.

maparole · 27/01/2014 16:12

Commander6

I totally bought in to this whole thing about the value of learning how to fit in and get along with others. Believing in this so strongly led me to turn a blind eye to the fact that my son was always miserable in the company of a large group of peers.

He hated the playground from the very beginning. Now, he is in fact a very very sociable child, who loves making friends and talking to people. He is very charismatic and nearly always charms the pants off adults. Equally, he is very happy in small groups of peers. However, he has never comprehended mob law.

One day I had a lightbulb moment and realised that forcing him through the thrice-daily playground ordeal was achieving NOTHING. Unless he chooses to become a teacher, he will never in real life have to cope with 400-odd young children and the viciousness that can so easily emanate therefrom. The people he will need to get along with in the real world will be adults, with whom his social skills could not be bettered.

The social situation in school is a false one and prepares no-one for normal adult life.

Commander6 · 27/01/2014 16:15

But presumably he is only being sociable for short chunks of time? Or with friends?

That is not setting him up for large workplace situations.

One of my sons works in a workplace of 1000 people. And getting along nicely.

Commander6 · 27/01/2014 16:16

Actually should say, while I am at it, that he is in charge of people that are often several years older than him.

maparole · 27/01/2014 16:17

*While your peers are out in the world partying, sociallising, meeting people from all walks of life, travelling etc, you are still studying.

And even if you would want to get married, you are unlikely to have as much money as your peers because, wait for it, you are still studying.*

I find that argument a bit silly, to be frank: it is perfectly possible to study from scratch to A-level in a single academic year (I did this with Latin because my school didn't offer it). If someone decided to go to university and needed A-Levels, and extra year on their studies would make no odds at all.

And perhaps they would be less likely to piss away the opportunity once in university? Wink

Commander6 · 27/01/2014 16:22

Like another poster, if you are going to go down the route of "scratch to A level in a single acedemic year", then I too am out of here!

Sums it all up very nicely really!!!

maparole · 27/01/2014 16:28
Confused

All of your three most recent posts have me perplexed

Your son works with 1000 other people and some of them are older than him ... and ...?

What is it you find offensive about completing an A-Level course in one year?

Sparklysilversequins · 27/01/2014 16:28

Commander, some people will never get there at ALL if they're not allowed to go at their own pace. Not ideal. My ds is one of them.

streakybacon · 27/01/2014 16:28

maparole My son had a very similar problem with social situations when he was at school. His social skills were so poor he just couldn't cope with breaks and they were always flashpoints for frustrated, angry behaviour which led to violent meltdowns. He was in desperate need of support but there was none.

After removal from school, we continued to keep up with social interaction but the difference was that we could monitor it closely, prepare him beforehand and examine events afterwards, enabling him to understand the boundaries, behaviour of others, how to tolerate bullies etc. Above all, we could pull him out of situations before they got out of hand, and engineer successes. Nobody he encountered in the school system was prepared to do any of this.

In this way he learned how to cope with being around people - not just friends, not just adults, or family, but in time he developed an ability to manage in pretty much any circumstance. Had he stayed in school, he'd have been excluded long ago and facing the consequences of missed education and further limitations on his social development. Home education gave him (and us) the freedom to grow and learn.

At fifteen he is now highly independent and goes to several groups and classes on his own. He also does work experience and volunteering. None of this would have been possible otherwise.

morethanpotatoprints · 27/01/2014 16:29

Commander

I'm not going to tear your argument apart, but wonder why you suggest that H.ed dc will naturally be years behind peers. Why would they still be studying? There are so many different avenues that H.ed dc take it is impossible to generalise about what their future might bring, just the same as schooled children.
I also think you are looking at it in a completely narrowed way. What is to say that every H.ed child is going to want to go to University and be employed by a large organisation.
In fairness, I do see this a lot on Mnet, parents having their childrens education and future mapped out and that uni is the same default as attending school. Not everybody believes that success in life comes from earning high wages, working for somebody else, working regular hours.

Commander6 · 27/01/2014 17:42

morethan. I appreciate that you live in whereever with low house prices etc. And your husband is self employed and works by himself? And you are not materialistic to the enth degree. Fair enough if that is how you want to live.
But never forget it might not be how your kids want to, though it might be.

Sparkly. I appreciate your point. That is indeed true for some kids.

My kids self propelled themselves. Their choice to do that. And they are very glad that they did.

maparole. If you dont understand my posts, that is up to you.

SeptemberFlowers · 27/01/2014 17:46

Can I just say a massive thank you to all contributors on this thread. It has been fantastic to read the replies, I can fully appreciate the diverse reasons why parents choose to do it.

My own DD is in Reception this year and I have had a concern that she has a learning difficulty or delay. I've voiced this with the schook but have been brushed off as "She's a summer born." Hmm She adores the social aspect of school but since I have been more proactive in what she is doing at home she is coming on in leaps and bounds with me but still doing the "I can't do it, it's to hard!" whinge at school and I can see her being left behind. I may be projecting here as this is what happened with me .....Blush

This thread has planted a seed of perhaps exploring the HE route if she continues to struggle at school.

Thank you everyone.Thanks

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 27/01/2014 17:55

Comander

I don't see what your point is tbh.
Surely a person does what they want to in life irrespective of how their parents live their lives.
We have 2 older dc who don't have the same ideas as we do and I'm sure dd won't either, she is her own person.
I'm not sure how that relates to the fact she is H.ed
I was merely pointing out to you that everybody isn't the same and what works or is the ideal for one person is not necessarily for others.
Our dd seems to know where she is going and what she wants to do with her life. Of course we will guide her and encourage what she wants to do and where her interests lie. Just the same as any good parent of a schooled child would do.
The fact that she is only 10 and knows this now is not as a result of H.ed she has been like this since 2.5 and wheras some parents would poo poo the ideas and say yes well we have to do xyz, we have said ok, go for it then.

Commander6 · 27/01/2014 18:00

Surely a person does what they want to in life irrespective of how their parents live their lives

Absolutely not!

All parents somewhat put them on a certain path. Especially if they are Home Ed.