to want DH to go to bed earlier?

[brightnearly]

I'm up working because of a deadline approaching, and because I have no time during the day with two DCs. He's up, watching the telly, and expecting a lie in tomorrow morning, as well as time during the day to do some work. AIBU to get angry about this or am I being a t**t?

If you have a deadline he should be supporting you. Letting you work early and for as much of the day. Alternatively you could go 50 50 with free time do its an equal split. He does sound rather selfish

He's a grown up and can decide when he goes to bed.
Are you pissed off because the telly is disturbing you or because he could be asleep but isn't and you want to be asleep but can't go to bed yet?
Why is he expecting the lie in? Both get up and deal with your children, then take turns to do your work while the other looks after the children and sleep when you have both finished the work you need to do to meet your respective deadlines - you both have work, you both have children, you are both grown ups... shuts up now as the temptation to be rude is almost overwhelming

Yes, PomBear, that's why I thought maybe I'm a t**t, since it's ridiculous to prescribe a bedtime to an adult.

I think I'm pissed off (unreasonably) for both the above reasons, but I suppose this does actually go a bit deeper into what I think his expectations are of me, and what my expectations are of myself. I tend to think I should be able to do my work without it interfering with the daily life, and I'm an SAHM. I have about two hours child-free time on weekdays, but those do get eaten up quickly, and otherwise time in the evenings.

DH works fairly long hours during the week and should have his rest on weekends, as well as time to devote to his personal study project. He does not have a deadline.

I always think I'm failing when I need him to step in.

I think if you have a deadline (work? study?) then he should have cared for the DCs during the day today, so you could finish earlier and go to bed earlier, so it would be no problem for his lie-in.

You are a team and you both deserve a rest.

Go to bed now. Get up early and work then. When the children come in send them to him. If he has a problem with it tell him you're working and he needs to take care of them.

Not much to add - except that you are NOT failing when you need him to step in. You are a team and you should pull together. I assume that the children are his as well as yours and even supposing that they are not he is with you and as such takes the responsibility for co-caring for the children. Go to bed now and get up early tomorrow to do the work - you'll get through it much quicker if you are fresh. Send the children into him when they get up. You can both have an early night tomorrow to catch up