To find a new therapist?

[Lemsy]

Hi,

I have been having psychotherapy for the last six months. It is funded by an organisation set up due to childhood, clerical abuse. I am entitled to another year.
My therapist is lovely, very supportive and i have made progress. However, it has become clear to me from disclosing information about a significant past relationship that she is of the same religious/cultural persuasion (not the same as me) as my previous partner of eleven years who i was abused by. Horribly. I feel that there have been a few occasions where she has minimised his behaviour. I don't feel comfortable mentioning him now. How can i work through my anger though? This therapy is a godsend to me and i need to make sure it's the best i can get. I am entitled to change through the organisation and can find my own therapist if i want.

Any thoughts?

Thanks x

If you feel compromised by her beliefs yes find a new therapist. It is very important you are heard properly about the abuse you suffered from your dh.

YANBU - you don't have to tell her why you want to change, but you shouldn't be worried about things like this when you are trying to work on things which could have a huge affect on you. You owe it to yourself to find someone who can offer you the help and support you need without feeling as though you have to hold back.

Change.

But do discuss it with your new therapist. There are so many layers of feelings here, it sounds as though it would help to work through it.

First step is to tell the therapist what you told us. Then ask what her supervisor thinks (she should go and discuss it).

Agree with wobbly - tell your therapist what you've told us, and see how she responds. She may surprise you in a good way.

If, after talking to her, you really feel you can't/shouldn't continue, let her know and request someone else. You absolutely shouldn't stay with someone who isn't right for you. But also keep in mind that starting over with someone else could have downsides too. It takes a while to tell your story and build up trust with someone new, so make sure your desire to change is for the right reasons.

You must feel comfortable to get the best from your therapy. If you don't, you need to make a change.

Many thanks for your responses. My next session is early next week and it is going to be hard to bring this issue up. Being eager to please and having a delayed reaction to poor treatment are part of the reason i am in therapy. I didn't realise they were going to pose problems IN therapy.

Thank you x

Wobbly, she doesn't have a supervisor, she is a private psychotherapist. I can change to another if i want though.

Therapists are supposed to have a supervisor as part of their accreditation, even if they are independent. If she's any good she should have one.

It will be difficult to talk about but in therapy it is really valuable to talk to your therapist about your relationship with her. Don't worry about her feelings. It's your healing that counts.

What Lemsy said, all accredited therapists should have a supervisor as part of their continuing professional development. Tell her how you feel, hopefully she will surprise you. If not, you will know you are doing the right thing by requesting a change.

What wobbly said I mean, doh.

You have just told us that you like your therapist and that therapy is a "godsend". I wouldn't give up on her straight away if the therapy as a whole is working for you.
Just mention your concerns with her - she's a trained professional and she will be able to sort things out.
It's really quite rare to find a therapist who provides good therapy (on a personal/individual level) as it is very much a "match" thing.

If it's not something that can be solved then by all means change but do try to solve it first

Talk to her about the issue. If she's any good she will be able to use the association between her faith/culture and your abuse positively and constructively in the service of your therapy, to explore your story. If she doesn't respond well find a new therapist but try raising the issue first.

I'd discuss it with her, and tell her it's making you feel uncomfortable, and why. Finding a good therapist is hard sometimes, but if she is minimising his behaviour because she is the same faith as him, then you might not be able t achieve the closure you need with those issues.

Discuss it with her, and the base your next steps on how she reacts.