to not limit 'screen time'

[MsColour]

I have never put a set limit on the amount of screen time my kids have but I have friends who do. By screen time i mean games and TV. The reasons I don't are:
a) my friends' children who do have limited screen time seem to become obsessed with it and seem to crave it more.
b) I want the children to learn to regulate it themselves - deciding when they've had enough and learning the hard way that they miss out on other stuff by becoming engrossed in ds games etc.
c) I think a daily limit is hard to enforce consistently. There are days eg. if it's wet outside, children particularly tired them it might be appropriate for them to have a bit more. And in the summer when they might be playing out they might not want it at all.
d) We are usually busy doing other stuff so they would never have the chance to spend most of the day in front of as screen anyway.

I would obviously never allow them excessive periods of time in front of a screen but there is no set time limit.

AIBU?

I agree with other posters who have pointed out that yes, you ARE limiting screen time. So, you do it in a different way and your (very young) kids don't seek out the screens so much, I don't think it makes your way vastly superior to theirs. Different kids are attracted to screens more than others and their behaviour is affected in different ways. You may well find that your kids become more obsessive over time and theirs become less so.

Well, if we had no limits, my DC would not regulate themselves and would be glued to screens in every waking minute. DD is 10 has an ipod, DS1 is 7 has an ipad (both saved up for themselves) and DS2 (age 3) uses my nexus or DH's ipad.

We have had meals when all three are watching different things, all using wifi and then they argue when the wifi isn't strong enough for all three feeds, and tell the 3 year old he has to watch a film stored on the tablet!

Some days more is ok (wet weekend day or long car journey) others day would prefer less. But honestly, my DS (aged 7) would play on his ipad all day every day for weeks on end if I let him. Need some regulation! Wish my kids would self regulate!

Little children don't self regulate. If you start off with strict limits you can relax them if you wish. On the other hand, as with every parenting issue, it's much harder to do the reverse. I would never allow a phone or gadget at the table.

I don't limit in the sense of "only 30 mins per day and an hour at weekends" but there are rules I suppose such as no gadgets upstairs (so no playing after bedtime), no gadgets at mealtimes. It's weather dependent too, I expect a lot of mine craft will get played today because it's vile out there, if it was sunny we'd go and do something outside instead.

Clearly you do limit screen time YWBU if you didn't. You just do it in a way that works for your DC's. I don't let DD go on computer/phone/laptop during the week when she is at school, as I got sick of the fuss when she was asked to switch them off. There are no set limits at the weekend, but if I think she has been staring at a screen too long I will tell her to switch it off and do something else. It sounds like you limit it by the way your life is set up, rather than set rules, but the limits are still there.

I never did Son 19 now and doesn't really watch tv or gaming.

I've never had limits. (DC are 20, 19, 17 and almost 5). The older ones watch things they like rather than mindlessly channel hopping, youngest watches milkshake on school mornings and will take it or leave if after school, preferring to play usually. The older three have iPhones/laptops and are twitter/snapchat users, but tend to dip in and out these days rather than be glued to them. Overall I'd say they self reg pretty well, so it's of limited concern to me.

noddyholder don't you agree though that when your 19 year old was 4 or 5 there were not the many and varied screen gadgets that are around now? I wonder whether it makes a difference having early exposure to these things?

My two teenagers rarely watch tv, they have an x box which they tend to use at weekends, their main screen activity is on PC to which they have unlimited access.

I don't especially limit it as I think over time it all balances out...this weekend there's been a lot of screen time as it's horrible weather, last weekend we were outside all the time.

In general I think very strict limits lead to a craving for more...sweets, screen time, coca cola....whatever it is.

My DCs are very contrary blighters (ages 17, 13, 7) so I find reverse psychology always works best... "Please put the xbox on and play it all day" will get the response "Why? Why can't we go out on our bikes? I hate playing on the Xbox it's sooooo boriiiing! ". Etc etc

By the time they are teens anything you show any interest in will, by definition, be very uncool. By yourself an xbox and Fifa14 and watch them give it up rapidly!

I have no limits what so ever, but we are out a lot so when were in if they want to watch tv.. Crack on.

I know it is definitely more prevalent but I wouldn't give a 4/5 yr old those things anyway. My ds had a second hand play station from about 8 or 9 and he played t occasionally with friends on sleepovers. We never really dicussed tv etc he went to bed at a reasonable time and itwasn't an issue. I

My son did start sating aed about 9 and that took up all his time He loved films from a young age and we didn't limit those.

At my sixth form they decided to allow access to Facebook on the sixth form computers, with the argument that students needed to learn to balance work and social life.

A few months later, Facebook was removed from the sixth form computers. Analysis of the stats showed a large proportion of students spending all their study periods on it. They simply couldn't resist the lure.

I think once social networking kicks in, it becomes much harder to drag them away from it.

I agree with the other posters who have said that you're kidding yourself because you clearly do limit it: you have said you would stop them if they were spending 'excessive' time in from of screens, that they aren't that bothered, they choose to go out instead, and that in general you household doesn't do much screen time. So basically you do(and would) limit it but because of various other factors you don't really have to, and 'limiting' seems here to be equated with 'sets kitchen timer for 1 hour and stands over them frowning'.

Not sure you can claim this as victory for the 'no-limits-on-screen-time' philosophy! It's just not been an issue for you.

DS would spend all day on the computer if he wasn't limited. TBH on school days we don't limit screen time - more point out that he has to also fit in homework/eating dinner/going to after school clubs - which in itself enforces limits (though he will spend every second he is not doing these things on the computer). During holidays he can play up to 4 hours or even more a day - which I think is more than enough and will physically stop him doing more. He doesn't have the discipline to self limit.

DD is not so fussed and so plays for a bit and then turns it off - I wouldn't bother enforcing any limits if I just had her.

So, I think not imposing any limits is just not always possible.

Yanbu.

Some of my favourite teenage days were spent marathon playing the sims.

Heck, i just had a lazy weekend on netflix.

I especially agree with point 1 that the OP made.

My friends child got repetitive strain gaming so yes I would limit them

I have never had to limit DS screen time because he tends to move onto something else after a while anyway but if he didn't I would encourage (and then insist) moving to something else.

I think most parents restrict screen time to an extent it's just everyone has different limits and different children are more capable of self limiting.

10yo DS seems to sink into constant watching and not doing anything else really quickly, so we have to regulate. As with so many things, this thread seems to prove that what works for one child won't necessarily work for another.

I think people need to accept times have changed, and are changing more constantly. Technology is a huge part of life now, even more than say just 10 years ago. Practically everything can be done using some kind of 'screen'. And they are going to become a bigger part of school as time goes on too.

I don't think it's practical to say "you can only have 1 hour per day on the iPad" or "you can only watch one episode of whatever then the tv will be switched off".

I do think some parents are obsessive over 'screen time', the phrase 'screen time' makes me cringe. Yet another silly phrase parents are using. What happened to just 'watching tv' or 'playing on the computer', why does it have to have a name.

In our house the tv is on all day, usually just for background noise. Sometimes it's the news, sometimes music channels, daytime tv, CBeebies, it varies. But because of that, my daughter (she 3 and half) isn't obsessed. She will sit and watch a cartoon for ten minutes if it catches her eye then wander off to play with toys. If I have something on for myself she isn't bothered and doesn't often ask me to change the channel.

She has her own tablet with films, ebooks, games, tv shows on, and I don't limit time on that at all. It is usually left on charge in the kitchen and she will grab it herself if she wants to use it. Again, she might faff with it for a little while, then leave it and do something else so I put it back in the kitchen till she wants it again.

We go out every day, play groups, park, soft play, library, seeing friends so not sat in the house much anyway.

I really do think it's a battle not worth fighting, screens are everywhere. Unless they are literally spending every waking minute staring at a tv or iPad, I don't see a problem.

I don't limit screen time either. I reckon my dc work hard in school and they can relax any way they want when they come home. I have five kids ranging from age 8 up to twenties and its just never been an issue in our house. None of them had tablets or smartphones til they were at least ten though, so it would have just been tv up to that point.

Well if your kids aren't on screens much then you don't need to limit it.
I disagree with them craving it more if it's limited though. My kids and their friends who have limited screen time are much more able to entertain themselves and make up games. The ones who rely on Xbox etc don't know what to do with themselves when they come to my house and spend the first hour or so asking for phones/Ipads etc (a 5 yr old brought their own mobile phone with them once to play on).
My kids are allowed 30 mins each day and they don't ask for anything beyond that - in fact they are often playing outside or so engrossed in something else that they don't have any screen time.
I don't think they have to have more screen time if it's wet. They can draw, write, play with Lego, dance, make up games and any number of other possibilities.